Charlie Sheen Mask Is Terrifying
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Why does this exist?
Who better to pen the definitive Charlie Sheen rap ballad than a white guy in a hipster scarf?
CBS foresaw the problem potential of hanging the livelihoods of hundreds on a raving madman and decided to get a series finale in the can in case of Sheenmergency. The future of "Two and a Half Men" remains in question thanks to Charlie Sheen's thinking he's a jet plane. Luckily, CBS foresaw the problem potential of this body dysmorphia and decided to get a series finale in the can in case of Sheenmergency. Now, in our ongoing effort to waste too many words on "Two and a Half Men," we present to you the leaked series finale.
Just when I thought I was out... Some of us are sick of Charlie Sheen by now, and some of us are addicted to him more than he is. I still feel it's my obligation to post the official Sheen auto-tune, as it's done by the Gregor Brothers, the guys behind Auto-Tune The News and the Bed Intruder Song. If nothing else, it's catchy, which could be a problem. I'm going around the office chortling my affinity for banging 7 gram rocks. Now for the obligatory slogan... WINNING! (WarmingGlow)
A 19 year-old got disillusioned? That almost never happens! Hey Angus - You get to either call your show filth or collect your giant-ass paychecks. You can't do both. I would prefer you join the rest of us that aren't collecting paychecks from the show in calling it filth, but it's entirely up to you. Angus B. Goode T. Young, who today we all learned in a very devout Christian, said in a video alongside his pastor/mentor/evangelist buddy, "Jake from ‘Two and a Half Men’ means nothing. He is a nonexistent character. If you watch ‘Two and a Half Men,’ please stop watching ‘Two and a Half Men.’ I’m on ‘Two and a Half Men’ and I don’t want to be on it.” That poor guy. He's an indentured servant to the tune of $300k/episode!!! I'm torn here, because I hate hypocrites, but love people that slam Two and a Half Men. WHAT DO I DO?
Life imitating art. Wait. I inverted that. Art imitating life. That's way less impressive, though. In case you forgot what Charlie Sheen is like in real life, Anger Management is giving you a little something something to remind you. But don't take it too literally, because I don't think he ACTUALLY has a Masters degree, but only because it's not possible to major in "Pussy and Coke," though maybe he could some sort of out-of-class tutorial. Also let this clip remind you that Selma Blair is aging like a Chateau Latour, and will reach epic heights of beauty somewhere around her 40th birthday.
Summit has released the trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's new explosion-y take on The Three Musketeers, which is in 3D, of course. Summit has released the trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's new explosion-y take on Th Three Musketeers, which is in 3D, of course. It stars Logan Lerman as D'Artagnan, and Matthew MacFadyen, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson as the other three less diva-ish sword wielders. Couldn't they just have remade this thing with Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, and Chris O'Donnell, the cast of the 1993 version? Those guys could use the work. Plus Sheen needs to get his "Winning" phrase in a movie before it goes completely stale. Oh wait, too late on that already? The Three Musketeers in 3D swings into theaters October 14, 2011.
Kristen Wiig, kindly let Mr. Hamm "drive the bus." I thought the gags in Bridesmaids, gross-out and otherwise, were hilarious. However, I lost interest during the (endless) 45 minute Kristen Wiig pity party. "Boo hoo, I won't call the guy I like." Just keep the joke-em-ups coming, please. [post-video postid="213613"] That's why I'm excited to share the video above from Funny or Die, which is a compilation of unused takes from the movie. It's rapid fire improvs/cut lines from Jon Hamm, Melissa McCarthy, plus the eventually underused Ellie Kemper and Wendi McLendon-Covey. I especially lol'd at the Hamm sex bookends, where things get wackier than in the original cut. I like wackier Jon Hamm. The guy has gravitas to spare, so let him make a butt cheeks joke every once in awhile, Mad Men."
Seriously, this is like all the hair. Do you want to see Larry David play a neurotic rich guy? You probably have already, but you've never seen him do it with this much hair. You've maybe never seen anyone with this much hair. That alone is a great reason to check out Clear History. For the hair value, that is. Also, Jon Hamm's in the film. You know, for the ladies. And also the homosexuals. And the straight men who can enjoy handsomeness without feeling threatened or weird.
Tonight's Breaking Story: Yo Dick! The Jon Stewart-Seth Rollins feud has gotten physical, y'all. Oh, were you not aware that the former WWE Tag Team champion and the soon-to-be former Daily Show host (tear) had beef? Well, they do, and it all started when that punk-ass Rollins had the audacity to call The Daily Show "unwatchable." Stewart was quick to respond by cutting a promo of his own, to which Rollins responded by crashing an episode of The Daily Show last week. Things came to a head on last night's edition of Raw, however, when Rollins opened the show by hosting his own version of The Daily Show. Stewart was having none of it, and after lobbing a few insults at Rollins' hair, proceeded to kick him straight in the balls thanks to a momentary distraction from Randy Orton. It was easily the greatest WWE celebrity cameo since MacGruber, so check out a full video of the segment above. Or if you're one of those people who has a "job" or "more important things to do," check out Stewart's low blow in glorious gif form below. Tonight's breaking story: Yo Dick!