Monday, August 18 by

The “What If Michael Bay Directed Up?” Trailer Is Here to Answer All Your “What If Michael Bay Directed Up?” Questions

By Jared Jones

I think we can all agree that Michael Bay is to subtlety and restraint what Joseph Stalin was to…subtlety and restraint, right? Come to think of it, Bay and Stalin have more in common than you might assume: Both rose to the top of their industries despite strong protests from their peers, both are/were megalomaniacs who worked tirelessly to develop personality cults, and both were born in years beginning with 19. Am I calling Michael Bay the Joseph Stalin of filmmaking, or implying that Bay might even be Joseph Stalin reincarnated? Yes, I am saying that. Michael Bay is Joseph Stalin reincarnated.

Still, the man’s made so much money in his career that he could purchase one of the exotic countries he so often shoots in and rename it (Baytopia? The Republic of ROCKoslavakia?) if he wanted to. All we can really do at this point is parody what’s made him such a success while quietly stabbing ourselves with forks to numb the infinite sadness caused by the death of art that is his filmmaking.

“Wow, that got really, really dark,” is what I said about that last sentence after I wrote it and what I said five minutes into Up, which brings us to today’s item (*stands up, accepts award for greatest topic transition ever*). Youtube user MrStratman7 has become known the internet over for his humorous takedowns of Michael Bay’s “style” of directing, most notably in “What if Michael Bay Directed “The Shawshank Redemption?”, which currently holds OVER 80,000 HITS on Youtube (Take that, Miley Cyrus!). For his latest effort in “What If”-style recut movie trailers featuring Michael Bay, he tackles Up.

Give it a gander, then let us know (or let MrStratman7 know, I guess) which movies you’d like to see Michael Bay parodies of in the future. Personally, I’d love to see a Michael Bay version of City of God, where the gangs all carry bazookas and Rocket has a sentient pet robot instead of a camera. And it takes place in 2060 on Mars so the sentient pet robot makes sense.

Jesus, that’s a stupid enough idea to actually become a movie. What have I done?

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