Last night was the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show. Millions of lonely men worldwide watched while scantily clad women costumed as mythical Christain creatures and Roman slut-butterflies strutted in Miami. Does it get any more American Dream than that? Here are a few observations of the affair, with select pictures to match. 

Protect your neck with gold razor wire.

Volunteer to be a part of genetic experiments.

Keep your head warm

Abdominal support is important, especially when naked.

If you hug me, I will CUT you.

You can NEVER have enough straps (for underwear.)

It’s sexy to look like you were mauled by a Finnish parade.

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