The Tanners Come Off Mentally Deranged In 'Full House Without Michelle'

In this alternate Michelle Tanner-less reality, Heath Ledger may still be alive. In this alternate Michelle Tanner-less reality, Heath Ledger may still be alive.

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If 'Full House' Were A Horror Movie

A lot of strange doings in that house on the hill. If this Full House Without Michelle video posited that Danny Tanner could be insane, this video does a damn fine job of putting the final nail in that coffin. This out-of-context edit turns World's Best Dad Danny Tanner into World's Creepiest Oh My God He's A Monster Call The Police Dad. Honestly, in hindsight the Tanner household was terrifying and weird and that's not even taking into account Uncle Joey's woodchuck puppet. No wonder Stephanie got into meth.


Kate Winslet Is Following Her Vagina's Every Whim Again In 'Labor Day' Trailer

This film reminds me of 'The Iron Giant'. But with pie sex. In Jason Reitman's Labor Day, Kate Winslet once again plays a character who complicates her existence by jumping into bed with the wrong person. This time, it's Josh Brolin's sexy escaped convict who takes she and her son hostage. Before long, Stockholm syndrome and horny mommitis take over leading Winslet to attempt to build a life with the fugitive killer after discovering he can not only satisfy her physical needs, but do so while baking a pie. That's just showing off. Between the time period and the boy having to stay one step ahead of the law in order to protect their house guest, this film reminds me of The Iron Giant. Except for the pie sex.


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Elizabeth Olsen Has A Crappy Vacation In 'Silent House' Trailer

Rest and relaxation my foot. After a few breakout hits at Sundance, everyone wants Elizabeth Olsen these days. So much so that she's being stalked all over the place. In this trailer for Silent House, her dad is completely Facebook stalking her and then to make matters worse there's someone or something inside her summer house trying to attack her. This horror film is drawing rave reviews which means it must have a gimmick. Shot on the cheap as one continuous take, Silent House is a horror tale told in real time. Which means the viewer is essentially front row center as the main character spends the film trying to escape while more and more terrifying mysteries are brought into light. The film was sold to Lionsgate for $2 million after building good buzz at Sundance. That may not seem like a lot of profit in movie terms but keep in mind, they didn't need to hire an editor.


Daniel Craig Freaks Out In 'Dream House' Trailer

He struggles with the problems of home ownership. Jim Sheridan is back on the scene with Dream House, another odd entry to his list of latter films. After his Oscar nominated In America, Sheridan naturally went off and made a movie starring 50 Cent. He then directed Brothers, which wasn't so much bad as it was an unnecessary remake. Now comes Dream House, a psychological thriller starring Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz that far too closely resembles Shutter Island. A man moves into a home with his wife and kids only to discover that the previous residents were murdered there. Instead of first bitching out the real estate agent for not utilizing full disclosure, he delves head first into a tangled mystery that brings his sanity into question. If you need other questions answered, just watch the trailer. It pretty much gives away everything.


Trailer For Alternate 1992's Hottest Film, 'Birdman Returns'

It's way better than 'Birdman Forever'. Fox Searchlight would like to confuse your already tenuous grasp on reality by posting this throwback trailer to 1992's Birdman Returns, a film that doesn't actually exist. At least until science and studio marketing find a way to successfully implant memories. Even though Birdman Returns doesn't exist, I theoretically enjoyed this film way more than whatever Jack Shroedinger was trying to pull off with Birdman Forever. Any way you slice it, it was a bad idea to put penis veins on the Birdsuit.