Friday, January 6 by

The Oscars Trailer Suggests They’re Putting Off Fresh Material For 2013 At The Earliest

Oscar producer #1: Who do young people like?

Oscar producer #2: Definitely Josh Duhamel and Megan Fox. I saw my son watching Las Vegas once. Who do old viewers like?

Oscar producers #3-#16 (in unison): BILLY CRYSTAL AND ROBIN WILLIAMS.

Oscar producer #1 (who also happens to be Vinnie Jones‘ agent): Ok. I heard “Billy Crystal,” “Robin Williams,” and I’m going to go ahead and toss Vinnie Jones in there too. I think a few people said “Vinnie Jones.”

And that’s presumably how we got this Oscar trailer, which features no fresh faces or ideas, but rather plays to the conception that Billy Crystal is some sort of long-retired Oscar guru, instead of some aged comedian that wasn’t funny enough to host anymore until Brett Ratner got all homophobic at a screening.

Well, (bland) mission (bland) accomplished!

In this 2012 Academy Awards trailer, we get a gag that seems to have come straight out of Bruce Vilanch’s ass (gross). The goal of this trailer is certainly to generate excitement for Billy Crystal’s hosting gig at the 2012. This proves to be a fool’s errand, as it’s simply impossible to get excited about anything Billy Crystal does these days. Clearly, his selection is a backlash against Franco and Hathaway’s poorly-received turn last year, but at least people talked about the Oscars the following days.

When people try to talk about the Oscars following the telecast on Sunday February 27th, plain oatmeal will ooze out their mouths and dribble down their chins.

Which, admittedly, will be the funniest thing about the Oscars this year.

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