Wednesday, February 1 by

Take Off Your Thinking Cap; Here’s The ‘G.I. Joe’ Super Bowl Teaser

Remarkably, I can save you some time by summing up this G.I. Joe: Retaliation teaser for you beyond what the trailer does. A Cliff’s Notes of the Cliff’s Notes if you will. In strict chronological order, the following occurs:

  • The Rock attributes a quote to Jay-Z.
  • Jay-Z raps (offscreen) the song that The Rock was quoting.
  • (Thousands of quick cuts of people stabbing, dancing, shooting, flying)
  • Bruce Willis appears.
  • Bruce Willis says, “Call me Joe.”

That’s it. That’s your trailer. If that sounds like something you’ll be interested in, the film hits theaters on June 29th.

Because there is absolutely nothing else to say about this trailer, I will spend the rest of this article listing G.I. Joe characters I remember from childhood, without the aid of any sources.

  • Duke
  • Cobra Commander
  • Skid Mark
  • Sgt. Slaughter
  • Trixie
  • Willem
  • Gandolf
  • Mildred
  • Copernicus
  • Shockwave
  • Bumblebee

I’ll be honest. I blanked after Sgt. Slaughter.

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