Second 'Three Musketeers' Trailer Sprinkles In Some Steampunk

They might be the ones to blame for all this "steampunk" nonsense. [post-album postid="218308" item="1"]Did you know that the Three Musketeers often dabbled in air-to-air combat? Alexander Dumas didn't know that, but director Paul W. S. Anderson did, so it's only natural that he would introduce Victorian airship dogfights into his adaptation of the literary classic. Beyond that, we're looking at an evil empire, somehow more that three musketeers, and the world's most dangerous assassin, who happens to be a lady. That's no typo...a lady assassin. Crazy! Points for the film for casting Orlando Bloom, Milla Jovavich, and Christoph Waltz. Points against the film for having zero songs that feature the soothing voices of Sting, Bryan Adams, and Rod Stewart. We'll say that's a push.

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Orlando Bloom Seems Super Drunk

America, nay, Planet Earth, I hope you're ready to get lost in Orlando Bloom's eyes all over again. America, nay, Planet Earth, I hope you're ready to get lost in Orlando Bloom's eyes all over again. "Entertainment Tonight" stopped by the set of that Paul W.S. Anderson version The Three Musketeers that I can't imagine anybody will want to go see (which, of course, means it will be the hugest hit and everyone except me will start wearing those queer floppy hats with the big feathers sticking out) to listen to Orlando Bloom act really, really high. Not to compliment his acting, but I can't tell if he's faking it or not. He's either doing an imitation of Captain Jack Sparrow or turning into Joaquin Phoenix. Or did he have a stroke? Whichever is the case, it's pretty sad. The Orlando Bloom Beard Watch begins...... now.


‘Three Musketeers’ Trailer Replaces Sheen With Explosions

Summit has released the trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's new explosion-y take on The Three Musketeers, which is in 3D, of course. Summit has released the trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's new explosion-y take on Th Three Musketeers, which is in 3D, of course. It stars Logan Lerman as D'Artagnan, and Matthew MacFadyen, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson as the other three less diva-ish sword wielders. Couldn't they just have remade this thing with Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, and Chris O'Donnell, the cast of the 1993 version? Those guys could use the work. Plus Sheen needs to get his "Winning" phrase in a movie before it goes completely stale. Oh wait, too late on that already? The Three Musketeers in 3D swings into theaters October 14, 2011.


Meryl Streep Gets Her Thatcher On In 'The Iron Lady' Teaser

We finally learn the origin of Maggie's pearls. Though it looks nothing like its predecessors Iron Man and Iron Man 2, The Iron Lady does look like it gives Meryl Streep ample opportunity to chew the scenery as the conservative Prime Minister of the UK, Margaret Thatcher. Plus keep in mind that this is a teaser. There's still a chance that Jim Broadbent will be outfitted with laser whips in the longer trailer. This teaser, however, is all about the reveal of Streep's impression of Thatcher which comes off more as a modified Julia Child. Before Streep is revealed we see two campaign advisers attempting to pimp her ride so to speak. They speak directly into the camera and critique her hat, high voice, and pearls. To which, Thatcher replies, "The pearls are non-negotiable." I guess it's cute, but I was mostly just happy to see this wasn't a teaser for another Madea movie. (The Guardian)


The Perfect Assassin Just Wants To Be A Normal Teenager In 'Barely Lethal' Trailer

Guns in high school. This one shouldn't be a tough sell. Fanboys director Kyle Newman brings us Barely Lethal, a movie about a group of orphan girls are turned into a squad of elite killers by Samuel L. Jackson, who insists they have no attachments. But when Assassin #83 yearns for a normal teenage life, she escapes the compound and hides out at a high school. There she navigates cliques, crushes, and the international terrorists that want to see her die slowly. The film doesn't have a US release date yet, probably due to the fact that it promotes gun violence in high school. And I can see that point. But, I also see Samuel L. Jackson wearing this hilarious disguise and I am SOLD.


Because We're Not Total Monsters, Here's 'Lady And The Tramp' With Real Dogs

Can YOU feel the love tonight? This is pretty damn cute. It's also an ad for Disney's Lady and the Tramp (now on Blu-Ray!) DVD, but whatever. We have to do something to make up for that Valentines Day dildo piece we ran earlier today. (sigh) The dogs seem pretty heavily sedated and uneasy, but isn't that how love makes you feel? I think so. Also, they didn't even give the dogs real meatballs, but let's pretend that right after this scene ended, the dogs were given a tray of meatballs, then made love, doggy-style, in a candle-lit dog house. So here's to the purest love we know - dog love used to sell copies of a re-released film, now available on Blu-Ray! Now go eat those chocolates!


'3 Days To Kill' Looks Like 'Ronin' With A Little Costner Sprinkled In

Kevin Costner...badass. Action movies are 40% more appealing when they take place in Europe. (CITATION NEEDED) They've got cool cars, narrow streets upon which to race those cars, girls with accents, Russians in black Range Rovers...the whole shebang. Three Days to Kill gets us all those things, and also Kevin Costner playing a badass. Following Hatfields and McCoys, I dare say Mr. Costner is enjoying something of a renaissance. Anyway, the lowdown on this film is that Costner's a secret service agent, and he's gotta complete a mission to get an experimental drug that could save his life. The drug wrecks him with hallucinations, and he's juggling family strife while doing it. It's like a more domestic Crank, except I'm somehow able to take it seriously. Way to go Mr. Costner, on returning to Dances with Wolves form, if that character drove Audis throughout Paris. Which he should have.


Supercut: Conan Points Out That Harrison Ford Points A Lot

That's how you know he's acting at you. Harrison Ford is arguably Conan O'Brien's best/weirdest guest (three-way tie with Ted Danson and John Tesh) and so, it's always delightful when he stops by. On his most recent appearance, Conan pointed out that like Denzel's "guarantee" and Natalie Portman's sobbing, Ford also has a go-to acting move: thrusting his index finger in the face of his adversaries whether male, female, or giant slug puppet. Harrison Ford's 'I'm being serious now' finger does not discriminate.


'Point Break' Remake Trailer Goes To Extremes

The only law that matters is GRAVITY. And now a trailer for a Point Break remake that isn't called The Fast and the Furious. In this update, the filmmakers decided to throw out the Presidents masks because it's really difficult to pilot a wingsuit in those things. Here The Best of Me's Luke Bracey stars as FBI agent/totally extreme athlete Johnny Utah, who has been tasked with infiltrating a gang of criminals/Mountain Dew commercial stars who are using their abilities to dirtbike and snowboard to "disrupt the international markets." Because that's a thing that could happen. Let's all be thankful that Shaun White and P!nk's husband have chosen to use their powers for good.