Second '30 Minutes Or Less' Red-Band Trailer

Monkey masks, flamethrowers, and rape kits. Need I say more? [post-video postid="208226"] Sony has dropped the brand spankin' new red-band trailer for 30 Minutes or Less. The film stars Jesse Eisenberg as a pizza delivery boy who's forced to rob a bank by two hick madmen. If he doesn't perform the task in the time allotted, a bomb strapped to his chest will blow him into the next world (as evidenced by the teddy bear in the trailer). Danny McBride and Nick Swardson play the criminal "masterminds," while Aziz Ansari plays the best friend with stellar manners when it comes to receiving sexual favors. The film is directed by Ruben Fleischer, the man behind the inventive zombie action-comedy Zombieland. 30 Minutes or Less hits theaters August 12, 2012.

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Monkeys Attack In ’30 Minutes Or Less’ Red-Band

Damned stoner apes!! We finally have a look at Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari in the heist comedy 30 Minutes Or Less. The comedy follows Eisenberg and Ansari's broken friendship after Eisenberg is rigged to explode unless the duo rob a bank within nine hours.  As predicted, Ansari is the angry guy and Eisenberg is the guy who seems like he might wet himself at any given moment. CALLED DAT SHIT! What I didn't see coming was the The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes cross-over. Those monkeys must be stopped before we're all slapped in the face with Fate's cock.


Adam Sandler's 'That's My Boy' Redband and Greenband Trailers

It looks better that 'Jack and Jill', but that's not a high bar to clear. Leave Father's Day 2012 open for this gem. That's My Boy follows Adam Sandler as he tries to re-establish contact with his successful son, played by Andy Samberg. Past that, the two seem to get in a lot of PG-13 mischief sprinkled with lots of R-rated "fucks" throughout the film. The film seems to be a conscious effort by Sandler to get away from the miserable family fare he's been putting out recently, but doesn't seem to be any more likable or entertaining. Ok. Maybe slightly more entertaining, but still pretty damn dumb. The film recalls some of Sandler's comedy albums, even dolling up the actor in "Steve Polychronopolous"-type garb. Bonus points if anyone gets that reference. Needless to say, no new ground is being broken here, but it's slightly different than the crap he had been putting out. To a new type of crap made by Adam Sandler!


Natalie Portman Kicks Ass, Shows Ass in ‘Your Highness’ Red-Band Trailer

Franco and McBride play brothers, one of them brave, the other an idiot. When Franco's fair maiden is kidnapped by an evil witch-man, the two go on a quest to rescue her. In the process, they find Natalie Portman, who is sporting some kind of amazing Middle Ages thong. [caption id="attachment_8448" align="alignnone" width="600" caption="Let's all take a moment to reflect."][/caption] Universal has dropped the epic red-band trailer for Your Highness. The David Gordon Green-directed film stars Danny McBride, James Franco, Zooey Deschanel, and an unbelievably sexy Natalie Portman. Franco and McBride pla brothers, one of them brave, the other an idiot. When Franco's fair maiden (Deschanel) is kidnapped by an evil witch-man (Justin Theroux), the two go on a quest to rescue her. In the process, they find Natalie Portman, who is sporting some kind of amazing Middle Ages thong. They just don't make 'em like they used to. A the town crier would proclaim, "Daaaaaaaaaamn!"


First Two Minutes Of 'Rio' Makes Me Reconsider The Ethics Of Bird Hunting

Here's a preview of the animated movie 'Rio.' The upcoming 'Rio' version of Angry Birds for iPhone sounds more promising, because maybe I'll get to destroy these fowl pheasants. Fox just released the first two minutes of their upcoming animated film Rio. The overly cheerful singing, the obnoxiously bright colors, the cute wittle baby bird who's just wearning how to fwy... Now I wish I was a bird, so I'd have the claws to claw my god damn eyes out. If you're really into The Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland, and not in a let's-get-high-and-laugh-at-how-retarded-this-is way, then this 3D movie is clearly for you. Rio is directed by Carlos Saldanha, who did all the Ice Age movies and Robots. So after this clip, that's really bad sign #2. However, a few promising elements are soaring above the mess of bird shit. The cast includes Jesse Eisenberg, Neil Patrick Harris and Anne Hathaway. Also, the plot doesn't sound too terrible: “A nerdy macaw who leaves the comforts of his cage in small town Minnesota and heads to Rio de Janeiro. He embarks on the adventure of a lifetime, learning to open himself up to all that life has to offer along the way.” Actually, the coolest sounding news surrounding Rio is that Rovio is making a Rio-themed sequel to their Angry Birds iPhone game. I'm an Angry Birds addict, so the thought of using these cloying birds as living weapons to destroy pigs in towers has me excited. Sexually excited? Let's not go there, but yes. Wait, I just read a little further and apparently you use the original Angry Birds to rescue the characters from Rio. So... now I'm thinking it's time to take my 28 gauge out of the tool shack, cause I'm declaring this bird season. (/Film and TheWrap)


Exclusive: 'Change-Up' Red-Band Trailer Gets A Little Randy

It turns out switching bodies with your best friend DOES create all sorts of problems. [post-album postid="217664" item="1"]The new Change-Up trailer is here exclusive to Screen Junkies, and it's got a more ribald tint to it than what you've seen on TV and in the theaters. Beyond the usual dose of red-band talk of boners, f-bombs, and "masterating," we also get a little more Olivia Wilde in this one, which is never a bad thing. This trailer also sheds a little more light on how the Jason Bateman/Ryan Reynolds body/mind transfer unfolds, and I don't think I'm spoiling anything by revealing that wacky mishaps abound. Reynolds has difficulty immediately adjusting to married life! Jason Bateman must revert to bachelorhood! Only with this red-band trailer, the producers are able to get a little more...detailed. Also, we learn that Bateman's wife (Leslie Mann's character) has a bald spot on her vagina. I have no reason to believe that was drawn from reality, but it's fun to pretend it is, if only for a minute.


Jon Hamm's Soup Is Done In 'Bridesmaids' Red-Band Trailer

In case you didn't think these bridesmaids were rough-and-tumble...they are. This trailer has the ribald language to prove it. The red-band trailer for Bridesmaids-poster-the-romcom-gods-are-smiling/" target="_blank">Bridesmaids is not terribly different than the green (mauve?)-band trailer, save for three f-bombs, some scattered "shits" (not as gross as it sounds), Kristen Wiig in a bra, and a reference to a fat lady's undercarriage. Other than that, we're still rocking ladies with gas, fat chick talking about fight clubs, and a bunch of other instances of girls acting like guys, only girlier. There's also some shots of Jon Hamm, mid-coitus, which you should find just delightful, regardless of your sexual orientation. He also says "soup's done" in a reference to reaching climax, which I have never heard before, and hope to never hear again. Bridesmaids will completely eff with your sensibilities, in a charming, middle-America way on May 13th.


A Medieval Nicolas Cage Is An Entertaining Nicolas Cage In The 'Outcast' Trailer

Keep wanting to type this as "Outkast." DAMN YOU, ANDRE 3000! If you're tired of seeing Nicolas Cage in modern times and familiar environments, then the producers of Outcast have a little something they'd like to show you: the trailer for Outcast. In his China-set period piece, Nicolas Cage teams up with another wayward actor (Hayden Christensen) to fight China. Or for China. Something in China. It's hard to get past the hairdo and the grumbling to ascertain what's going on here, but that's just the hallmark of a strong Nic Cage film, isn't it? (Yes. It is.)