P. Diddy Will Be The Next James Bond

Dear P. Diddy,

It’s your cousin: Charles I am 13. It is fun being 13. Sometimes school is hard. I have to make a movie for my class project. Can I come to Cannes and film you being a giant douce bag? My friend bobby has imovie and his brother knows how to use it.  I think it would be cool if I could film you on a Seadoo in a tuxedo and if there were lots of pretty girls and a helicopter. Write back.

Sincerely,

Charles Combs (your cousin (age 13)).

Seriously folks, this is the worst thing I have ever seen. I’m all for having a black James Bond. But lets get someone that is an actual actor, and does not write stuff like this:

“What defines a King? His strength, his style, his appetite for life A hunger for the extraordinary. A brief in the impossible Defiance of the expected. I AM KING empowers the modern man to take on the soul of a King and conquer his biggest dreams. Do you have what it takes to be King?

If those non sequiturs are what it takes to be a king I am definitely out of the running. I particularly do not ever see myself experiencing or embodying “A brief in the impossible.” I’m not even sure what that means. I think it has something to do with men’s perfume.

Here’s some news.

23 Minutes in heaven with Kate Beckinsale (Comingsoon)

Benderspink gets Straw Men (Variety)

Tommy Lee Wallace to helm Helliveristy (HR)

First photo of Gambit in Wolverine (Comingsoon)

Cuaron talks The Witches (Empire)

Movie version for HBO’s Rome? (CHUD)

SAG, studios launch PR offensive (Variety)