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Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just This 'FIFTY SHADES OF GREY' TRAILER?

The time is now. After the waiting, all that time spent not reading the book, politely reporting on casting shakeups, we've got definitive proof that Fifty Shades of Grey is coming our way, this Valentines Day. The proof is this sexy trailer set to a cover/remix of Beyonce's "Crazy in Love," a song that's now 11 years old. Yup. The trailer touches on only the broadest points of the story (reporter, sexy billionaire, f*cking) but it gets the message across. And after dutifully looking it up, because I assumed a movie this mass-marketed would be rated PG-13, it seems the producers are being a little more aggressive, giving us an R version and an NC-17 version, both of which better have lots of breasts. Enjoy the trailer, you perverts.


'The Host' Trailer: Sexy Teens Versus Brain Slugs

Just as ridiculous as 'Twilight' but without the silliness. The Host is back with another trailer to remind us that sci-fi nerd Andrew Niccol can get mushy too. But not if that means he has to sacrifice including sleek, futuristic cars. There's only one proper way to direct an Andrew Niccol film and that's by adding cool cars. And helicopters fighting trucks. Based on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight follow-up, The Host trades sparkling skin for bizarro eyes and Kristen Stewart for an actress you don't want to kick down a flight of stairs. When Earth is invaded by an advanced race of brain parasites, there are only a small number of sexy teens left to fight for the fate of mankind. Damn those brain slugs and their technological advancements and betterment of society. They won't get away with that!


The Future Is Model Hot In New 'In Time' Trailer

On the one hand, it's a dystopia. On the other, meeee-ooowwwww. [post-album postid="217664" item="6"]Everyone seems to be looking forward to In Time and here's another trailer to whet your appetite. In the future, science has stopped the gene for aging. However, you don't live past twenty-five years old unless you're able to earn more time as it has become the chief currency. Which means that the wealthy can live forever and the poor work until they die. Fuck that shit. I'm moving to Future Canada. In Time stars Justin Timberlake as a man on the run after he inherits a century. Amanda Seyfried, Olivia Wilde, Cillian Murphy, Vincent Kartheiser, and Alex Pettyfer are also on hand to eternally attractive.


See The Sexy, Sexy NSFW Trailer For 'Sleeping Beauty'

This version of 'Sleeping Beauty' will have a particularly disturbing porn parody. Sexy fairy tales are back in a big way, probably thanks to all the invisible sexy fairies flying around. You didn't know about the sexy fairies? Look it up, man. They're everywhere. Anyway, this is an update of the classic tale Sleeping Beauty starring Emily Browning. The trailer makes it out to be a pretty dark modern retelling of the story, as does the official synopsis: “'You will go to sleep: you will wake up. It will be as if those hours never existed.' Death-haunted, quietly reckless, Lucy is a young university student who takes a job as a Sleeping Beauty. In the Sleeping Beauty Chamber old men seek an erotic experience that requires Lucy’s absolute submission. This unsettling task starts to bleed into Lucy’s daily life and she develops an increasing need to know what happens to her when she is asleep." Whoa, the trailer doesn't really go into all those creepy details. I wonder if there really are such things as Sleeping Beauties. I'm asking for a friend.


8-Bit Ripley Looks Totally Hot In Lost 'Aliens' Game

If you owned the classic Nintendo in the 80s and love 'Aliens,' your jaw will drop at this game project that got lost in space. There's a lot of talk now about the new Alien-ish movie. However, if you owned the classic Nintendo in the 80s and love Aliens, your jaw will drop at this game project that got lost in space. In 1987, Japanese game publisher Square, who later created the RPG series Final Fantasy, which we're sure has inspired more than one chocobo furry sex orgy at Dragon*Con, got the license to make an Aliens game. Unfortunately, the game was never released on the NES, only on the Japanese Famicom Disk System. The recently rediscovered game is documented in the video above from 1up. It shows us what we've all been missing. The biggest thing, in my opinion, is the super-sexy Sigourney Weaver sprite. She has ducked and float-leaped into my heart. If the 8-bit version of Ripley came into my bedroom wearing a pink jump suit and big boots, brandishing a laser gun, I wouldn't turn her down. Maybe that's partly because of my fear of laser guns, but still. 5-year-old me would have declared 8-bit Ripley his girlfriend, and once again, nobody would talk to me at recess. (1up)


‘Three Musketeers’ Trailer Replaces Sheen With Explosions

Summit has released the trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's new explosion-y take on The Three Musketeers, which is in 3D, of course. Summit has released the trailer for Paul W.S. Anderson's new explosion-y take on Th Three Musketeers, which is in 3D, of course. It stars Logan Lerman as D'Artagnan, and Matthew MacFadyen, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson as the other three less diva-ish sword wielders. Couldn't they just have remade this thing with Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, and Chris O'Donnell, the cast of the 1993 version? Those guys could use the work. Plus Sheen needs to get his "Winning" phrase in a movie before it goes completely stale. Oh wait, too late on that already? The Three Musketeers in 3D swings into theaters October 14, 2011.


Katee Sackhoff Is Evil And Sexy In 'Sexy Evil Genius' Trailer

There's a good reason we don't look up our exes. In Sexy Evil Genius (now available on DVD and On-Demand) a group of strangers are lured to a downtown LA bar by Nikki, the ex-girlfriend they all have in common. Fresh out of prison for the murder of her last ex-boyfriend (who couldn't attend on account of being dead), Nikki is mysterious about her intentions and her current and former lovers soon realize they are all caught in one of her brilliant, mischievous mind-games with possible deadly consequences. Or maybe a gang-bang? I once went on a ski trip with an ex and unbeknownst to me, she invited a few of her other exes. It didn't end in murder though I wanted it to.