Keanu Reeves, Knower Of Kung-Fu, Kicks And Punches In '47 Ronin' Trailer

Because 48 ronin would have been gaudy. Get old favorite gets a RE-IMAGINING! Crazy, huh? While the idea of taking a beloved property and giving it a modern context is hardly new, it would appear that the producers of 47 Ronin hedged that concept against a number of other bold moves, including the bankability of the aging (but awesome and appropriate) Keanu Reeves, and giving first-time director Carl Rinsch a $170 million budget and the keys to the castle. It's far from definitive, but this trailer looks as though those risks may have paid off from a product standpoint. Now it's up to those boring suits at the studio to find a market for this promising film.

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Keanu Reeves Avenges An Adorable Puppy In 'John Wick'

They messed with the wrong guy's puppy. In John Wick, Keanu Reeves is harmlessly enjoying his retirement from contract killing by driving a muscle car and hanging out with a cute little puppy when trouble comes looking for him. You see, his muscle car is so impressive that Alfie Allen beats him up and kills his puppy before stealing the car from him. We can all agree that the puppy thing was unnecessary. Puppy murder is never okay despite what Allen may have learned from Game of Thrones. Now, he's got the world's most dangerous hitman on his back and we have an explosive action film about a man avenging the death of a puppy. It's honestly come to that. That's where we are now. A plotline that Hollywood hasn't touched on since the security guard from Mannequin.  I hope this is a runaway hit and it persuades Jason Statham to star in a movie about puppy mills. It could be called The Mill and have the tagline: Every dog has his day. It writes itself.


Keanu Reeves Makes Some Exciting New Friends In Eli Roth's 'Knock Knock' Teaser

Would you let them in? While his wife is away, Keanu Reeves welcomes two attractive, young, rain-drenched models into his home. He then has sex with them even though he's not supposed to. We can expect this movie to take a dark turn by virtue of this film being directed by Eli Roth, a guy who just loves dumping blood on actors. Knock Knock is currently at Sundance seeking a distributor to deliver to Roth's fanbase of people who like gross things.


Getting Back Into The Dating World Sucks For Keanu In 'Knock Knock' Trailer

It seems like there's always a catch when two anonymous hotties show up at your house and have sex with you. As we saw in the teaser for Knock Knock, Keanu Reeves plays a good dad and husband who loves his family perhaps even more than he loves chocolate with sprinkles. But he puts all the chocolate and all the sprinkles in jeopardy when he allows two rain-drenched, horny strangers into his home. After he makes the innocent mistake of having sex with them in several rooms of the house, they turn the tables and make him pay for his transgressions in a not-sexy way. Chicks are weird, man.


'3 Days To Kill' Looks Like 'Ronin' With A Little Costner Sprinkled In

Kevin Costner...badass. Action movies are 40% more appealing when they take place in Europe. (CITATION NEEDED) They've got cool cars, narrow streets upon which to race those cars, girls with accents, Russians in black Range Rovers...the whole shebang. Three Days to Kill gets us all those things, and also Kevin Costner playing a badass. Following Hatfields and McCoys, I dare say Mr. Costner is enjoying something of a renaissance. Anyway, the lowdown on this film is that Costner's a secret service agent, and he's gotta complete a mission to get an experimental drug that could save his life. The drug wrecks him with hallucinations, and he's juggling family strife while doing it. It's like a more domestic Crank, except I'm somehow able to take it seriously. Way to go Mr. Costner, on returning to Dances with Wolves form, if that character drove Audis throughout Paris. Which he should have.


The 'Hitman: Agent 47' Trailer is Here Because We Learned Nothing From the Original 'Hitman'

Someone put a bullet in this franchise already. "He’s stronger, faster, more intelligent than other people." So sayeth Spock (Zachary Quinto) about midway through the first trailer for Hitman: Agent 47, a.k.a the reboot of the movie no one wanted to see when it starred someone we actually knew back in 2007. Clearly, Quinto was not referring to anyone involved in this ill-conceived remake while delivering that horrible line of dialogue, as the trailer for Agent 47 manages to cram more cliches into two and a half minutes than its box office bomb of a predecessor was able to do in an hour and a half. A slow motion, CGI gunfight set to one of today's most popular songs? Check. A woman swimming topless in a pool? Check. Oh, and did I mention that Zachary Quinto delivers the line "He’s stronger, faster, more intelligent than other people" with 100% seriousness? Because yeah, that too. Check out the trailer for Hitman: Agent 47 above. It looks like a pile of sh*t, but plenty of things 'splode in it.


Monkey + AK-47 = 'Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes' Viral

I like the part where he shoots the gun. This group of soldiers in the Congo obviously aren't familiar with Dunston Checks In or select episodes of Night Court. If they were, they'd be aware that primates are intelligent, precocious creatures capable of advanced learning and mimicry. And in the case of Dunston Checks In, they're also adept at expertly surfing on hotel room service carts. Anyway, this is an amusing little viral for Twentieth Century Fox's Rise of the Planet of the Apes. My only regret is that they didn't take the opportunity to dress the chimp in people clothes. See what a difference a stylish pair of overalls makes?(via Bloody Disgusting)


Steve Coogan And Rob Brydon Give Us More Michael Caine Impressions

It's for the sequel to 'The Trip'. It's for The Trip To Italy, the sequel of sorts to The Trip, which saw the two comedians, in a pseudo-documentary format, travel around, eat, and not do much else. It was originally a mini-series, then was edited to become a feature film. They're back at it in Italy, where the food is better, and the Michael Caine impressions are less delighting, but still very, very funny. "YOU WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!"


Honest Trailers: 'The Matrix'

There's no statute of limitations on honesty. While it's one of the most beloved science-fiction films of...ever, it's not like the film is beyond criticism. In fact, the plot seems almost incidental to the spectacle of it all. And while the spectacle is pretty damn cool, it's not like we're in the business of NOT making fun of Keanu Reeves. Because if we were in that business, we'd be broke. It's been about 15 years, so I think we're not really in danger of hurting anyone's feelings here.