Not only can he breathe on Mars, but he can kick serious ass on Mars. The official trailer for John Carter (née of Mars) is here, which means it's time to take the script for Gladiator and add skinny aliens to it. Taylor Kitsch stars as a Confederate captain who's just okay at fighting in the Civil War. However, he's beamed to Mars where his powers become that of legend. Soon he is leading the warring nations of Mars against one another to help overthrow a menacing threat. No word on whether he's pro or anti Martian slavery, but he's got a spotty track record. Also, there's no explanation as to why they don't believe in shirts on Mars. John Carter is directed by Andrew Stanton and opens in theaters March 9th, 2012.