‘John Carter’ Gets His Ass To Mars In First Teaser

Our first look at John Carter is a lot more somber than you’d think. It stars Taylor Kitsch as a Civil War soldier mysteriously beamed to Mars, which looks like a good place to cook meth.

Fate brings the soldier to the dying world and it’s believed he may be the only hope of saving it. He should play up that angle, if he’s smart. Did you get a load of that princess? That’s a hot Martian who really wants saving. Hours and hours worth of saving.

You can see John Carter breaking Michael Jordan’s jumping around on alien planets record when the film opens in theaters March 9th, 2012.