‘Jersey Shore’ Season Three Trailer: A Tale Of Two Snookis

"Jersey Shore" has once again proven too powerful for the Valtrex of good taste, and will return to airwaves for a third season. Jersey Shore" has once again proven too powerful for the Valtrex of good taste, and will return to airwaves for a third season on January 6th. This time around, Angelina is gone, Snooki's clone is in, Snooki is too drunk to find the beach (while standing on the beach), JWOWW punches Sammi, Sammi punches Ronnie, and a doctor has to reach inside Ronnie's butt. Which we all know by now causes pinkeye. Check it out but be certain to visit the eyewash station afterward. [caption id="attachment_13145" align="alignnone" width="550" caption="Grenades!"][/caption]

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'Jersey Shore' Does Italy In New Trailer

This looks watchable. Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in!! MTV's new trailer for the new season of Jersey Shore set in Italy has it all! The Situation getting cussed out, The Situation getting things winged at his head, The Situation getting knocked unconscious, The Situation being loaded into a comical miniature ambulance. Hell, I watched Dancing With The Stars in the hopes he'd be accidentally kicked in the mouth. MTV really has their finger on the pulse of what it is their viewers want. The new season premieres August 4th.


'Jersey Shore' With Brits Defeats The Purpose Of 'Geordie Shore'

No one with a charming British accent could ever, possibly, be a bad person. Except for Ben Kingsley in 'Sexy Beast'. They have horrible people in Britain, too? I had no idea! This clip proves it so, with 8 jerks known as Geordies, which Wikipedia tells me is a nickname for a type of dialect of proper English in much the same way that what the "Jersey Shore" people speak is a disgusting approximation of what we know to be our English. Whatever they're selling in this video doesn't really play well for me over here stateside I am sure these are tremendously trashy, despicable people, but it's a little hard for me to accept them as scum with that accent. It's like if Hugh Grant wanted to be sleazy. You'd pat him on the head and call him a scamp, even if he was aggressively trying to date-rape your sister. So watch the video, and agree with me that only in England could someone that obnoxious be named "Gary."


2012 Starting Early: Justin Bieber and ‘Jersey Shore’ Team Up

This is sort of like looking at a pop culture 'Human Centipede.' To promote his upcoming movie Never Say Never, Justin Bieber is doing promos with "Jersey Shore" cast members The Situation and Pauly D. Above is the one with The Situation. This is sort of like looking at a pop culture Human Centipede, because they're combining in horrific and unwatchable ways. Also, I get the impression from his acting that The Situation knows he's shitting right into the audience's mouth. There's one thing I do like about this team-up is that Justin Bieber and The Situation represent two opposite spectrums of the Awful-O-Meter. Bieber is formulaic, uninteresting and yet shoved down our collective throats, whereas The Situation is skeezy, retarded and yet shoved down our collective throats. I get a feeling these two will be a ticket in the 2060 election. (Popeater)


Sex With Snooki Is Like "Making Love To A Meatball"

Somehow, Snooki seems rounder than a meatball. Screen Junkies and I both hate 'Jersey Shore' stories and cast members, but we love funny new pieces more than we hate'Jersey Shore' stuff, so this piece gets to see the light of day. Thanks for your understanding here, readers.  When interviewed by Wendy Williams (huge "get" for Wendy, by the way), Jersey Shore star Vinny "Italian last name unimportant" answered Wendy's question "How was Snooki in bed?" with "Umm, you ever have sex with a meatball?" Unfortunately, everyone took Vinny's question in response to be rhetorical. Except for Wendy. She answers the question with a resounding "no." Apparently, she felt the need to explicitly state that she has not had sex with a meatball. I don't believe her for one second that she hasn't had sex with a meatball, but I will respect her privacy. As for Snooki feeling like a big ole' meatball in the sack, yeah, we kinda figured, but it's nice to get it confirmed. What's more surprising is that this guy doesn't come across as a total dipshit on the show. Simply mind-blowing.


'Jersey Boys' Trailer: Clint Eastwood Goes Every Which Broadway But Loose

Who knew The Four Seasons were gangsta? Although all we really wanna see is him co-star with an orangutan again, Clint Eastwood took time out of protecting his lawn to turn the Broadway hit Jersey Boys into a movie your mom can take your grandma to see. The film centers on the rise and fall of the Four Seasons with Tony Award winner John Lloyd Young also making the jump to the screen as Frankie Valli, the peepee-dancing falsetto that makes the girls swoon with his high-pitched womanly voice. Christopher Walken also stars as the mafia boss who served as the band's consigliere and recommended which songs did and did not require cowbell.


Kenny Powers > Poor, Underprivileged Children

Dr. Cock N Balls is back in the game. Eastbound & Down returns for its third and final season Sunday, February 19th on HBO. Last time we saw Kenny Powers, he was south of the border, searching for his estranged dad and another shot at the majors. Those efforts put him back on the map, so to speak, and now he's in Myrtle Beach pitching for the Mermen, which means Kenny Powers goes to Spring Break. Originally, the series was only planned to last one season, but I think we all can agree that Kenny at Spring Break is a story that needed to be told. This season, Danny McBride is joined by Jason Sudeikis, Steve Little, Katy Mixon and Ike Barinholtz.


We've Got The Second Season Premiere Of 'Homeland' For You To Watch

It's legal, so it's guilt-free! With last season's finale leaving us with electro-shock therapy and treason of the highest order, last night's Homeland season two premiere was widely anticipated...by those who had Showtime. Those who didn't had to wallow in their own envy and self-pity. Until now. Taking cues from high school drug dealers the world over, Showtime has magnanimously offered "the first one's on us," posting last night's episode on YouTube so that any yahoo with an Internet connection can watch the show and see what the fuss is about. Their gesture also allows self-serving websites like Screen Junkies to embed the video in our site, tricking the most gullible readers into thinking that we're somehow the reason they get to see Homeland for free. It works out pretty well for everyone. Enjoy.


New ‘Season Of The Witch’ Trailer Shows Us Its Witch

Once you get past the wig, Season Of The Witch doesn't look half bad. I'm not sure why its release was pushed to be dumped in the movie-going wasteland that is January (the New Jersey of months). Once you get past the wig, Season Of The Witch doesn't look half bad. I'm not sure why its release was pushed to be dumped in the movie-going wasteland that is January (the New Jersey of months) with all the stinkers. Yes, Nicolas Cage movies can sometimes be silly, and, yes, Dominic Sena-directed films are known to cause indigestion, but I'm on board with this one. If you're familiar with the previous trailer, you know the plot. Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman play large-headed knights who are tasked with delivering a supposed witch to her execution. However, Cage sees a sweetness in her and has doubts that she is a total witch. He then rises up against the church elders (re: total dicks) and their CGI desert army to do what's right. Whatever. I'm not saying I love it, but it could have done well against Jonah Hex.