Honest Trailers - 'Twilight: New Moon'

The shittiest movie of all time gets an equally shitty sequel. Part 2 of the Twilight Saga... New Moon features werewolves, shirtless dudes, terrible acting and even more stares.

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Honest Trailers: 'Twilight'

If trailers were accurate... In honor of the Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 trailer, which I'm sure you're really excited about, we decided to revisit the roots of the series with our own honest trailer for Twilight. And just like the real deal, it's got everything you've come to know and love about the series: the incessant voiceovers, the prolonged staring, the statutory rape, etc., etc. Plus, it points out Bella's inability to pour ketchup, which I was unaware of. If there's a tween-age girl you're looking to piss off, be sure and forward her this trailer...unless of course there's a court order that prevents you from doing so, in which case, don't worry about it.


See New 3D 'Transformers: Dark Of The Moon' Trailer, If You've Got The Tech

Finally, a 'Transformers' video with Transformers in it. Here's a new trailer for Transformers: Dark of the Moon. "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't in 3D," you're saying to yourself. Well, of COURSE it isn't, unless you're a proud owner of a My 3D device from Hasbro. That's not a joke, it's a doohickey you attach to your iPhone, and in conjunction with a free My 3D app, it acts as a kind of 3D Viewmaster that will convert the trailer into 3D. It's 2011, people. The Future is here. Michael Bay must be giddy with excitement. As for the trailer itself, there doesn't appear to be a lot of new footage in it. But if you're excited about Transformers: Dark of the Moon, it might be worth a watch. And you're not alone, either, since this movie is somehow getting a lot of positive buzz. Maybe it's all a racket to get people to buy My 3D devices. (The Hollywood Reporter)


Just Watch The New 'Twilight' Trailer, OK?

Just get it over with. Look, I don't want to waste anyone's time here so I'll just make this quick. There's a new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 has been released, and it's full of all the cheap special effects, clumsy expository dialogue, disturbing sexual politics, and vampire-on-werewolf violence we've all come to expect from the franchise, either firsthand or through that annoying cultural osmosis that happens if you have a Twitter account. Starring Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and a bunch of other people who have no humorous qualities inherent to their appearances, acting styles, or behaviors whatsoever. So just watch it, alright? I watched it, your 13-year-old niece watched it (49 times and counting), your weird coworkers are watching it right now. You don't want to be left out, do you? There is a cultural conversation about vampires and werewolves and possibly-vampric-babies happening and you're going to miss all of it if you DON'T WATCH THIS TRAILER RIGHT NOW!!!


New ‘Transformers: Dark Of The Moon’ Trailer Is Up!

Michael Bay doing what he does best: Making giant robots fight while Shia LaBeouf looks on helplessly. All hail our new robot overlords in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third installment in the blockbuster franchise. Same song, different verse as Autobots and Decepticons battle it out in Chicago over humans lying to Optimus Prime about what the found on the moon 40 years ago. (Just nod and smile.) It's looking like the Transformers are raising hell in another downtown. Couldn't they find a nice farm or pasture to battle in? It would really cut down on the destruction they cause all the civilians. Other observations: Optimus Prime is a bit of a twirler Bumblebee has gotten pretty good at parkour Flying squirrel people are our last line of defense God help us all.


MTV's 'Teen Wolf' Trailer Features Shockingly Little Wolfsketball

Bad news Michael J. Fox fans: the trailer is 'Teen Wolf' meets 'Twilight'. The Teen Wolf I remember from the 80s was all about a goofy kid who gets werewolf powers and uses them to kickass in basketball. I can relate to that, because if I had wolf powers as a teen, I would have played varsity lacrosse before accidentally mauling everyone on the team during evening practice. However, the new "Teen Wolf" reboot series on MTV shows a new generation of high schoolers' wolf-related priorities. Apparently, they wanna be wolfmen so they can brood around, act pensive with girls and participate in the occasional action/sex sequence where guy is shirtless. In other words, this is Teen Wolf meets Twilight. Here's how Executive Producer Jeff Davis (Criminal Minds) describes it, without using the dreaded "T" word: “When I first talked to MTV about it, I said what if we do it kind of like The Lost Boys with kind of the pace and fun of Buffy. We’ve had comparisons to Vampire Diaires. That’s a very brooding melodrama. This exists far closer to Buffy.” Uh, yeah. Seems like the brooding melodrama description is right on the money, as far as this trailer is concerned. Speaking of "right on the money," why wouldn't MTV want some of that Twilight cash while it's still floating around there? Werewolves are the new vampires - or so MTV executives hope and pray each night. (Entertainment Weekly)


'True Blood' Season 4 Preview Features Dazed Shirtless Dude

The video says he's "confused," but really Eric is just pretending to be cool while girls ogle his shirtlessness via the YouTube. Yeah, whatever guy. Here's a new preview from the upcoming season four of HBO's strange series "True Blood," featuring Alexander Skarsgard (Generation Kill) as vampire Eric Northman. The video says he's "dazed," but really Eric is just pretending to be cool while girls ogle his shirtlessness via the YouTube. Yeah, whatever guy. "True Blood" fans get really upset when you confuse their beloved sexy vampire show with Twilight. Yet not only are they both about sexy vampires, but they also both seem to prominently feature ripped shirtless guys. I guess that's the one thing all the fangirls can agree on, before the Team Edwarders call the Bloodheads "whores" and the Truehards call the Twihards "prissy little emo wannabes." Settle down, goth ladies. "True Blood" Season Four swoops onto your TV this summer. (Vulture)


‘Red Riding Hood’ Looks Even ‘Twilight’-ier With New Trailer

Can a sexed-up 'Hansel and Gretel' be far behind? If I told you that Catherine Hardwicke directed a gothish movie about a teenage girl whose raging hormones get her mixed up with a violent werewolf man, you'd probably say, "that's not news, dude. Twilight already happened and I refuse to see it, unless it comes on HBO or something, where I'd watch it for, like, 20 minutes and then decide it's terrible." Well, check this out: I'm talking about Hardwicke's new movie Red Riding Hood. Mind. Blown. After watching the new trailer for Red Riding Hood above, the film doesn't just seem reminiscent of Twilight. It is Twilight. The black and white backgrounds with red text, teens having sex and getting violent with each other, mythical monsters, desaturated colors with a lot of slow-mo, two men she must choose between... If Edward Cullen pops in and ties the universes together, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. Yeah, I'll take the old cartoon version wher Red Riding Hood is hot, but not in a pedophiliac way. The wolves are way awesomer too, cause they have mallets. Red Riding Hood skips into theaters on March 11. (Collider)


Trailer For ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ Has It All

Lookin' good, sexy vampires. [post-album postid="209989" item="2"]The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 starring Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (whew) is either a movie you have no interest in seeing, or the Second Coming of Christ. Or maybe somewhere in between? Anyway, here's the first trailer for the hotly anticipated sexy married vampires movie, and it's got all the sad eyes and violin music you could ask for. Here's an official plot synopsis, in case the trailer is not enough for your unquenchable thirst: "After their wedding, Bella and Edward travel to Rio de Janeiro for their honeymoon, where they finally give in to their passions. Bella soon discovers she is pregnant, and during a nearly fatal childbirth, Edward finally fulfills her wish to become immortal.  But the arrival of their remarkable daughter, Renesmee, sets in motion a perilous chain of events that pits the Cullens and their allies against the Volturi, the fearsome council of vampire leaders, setting the stage for an all-out battle." Huh. Here's hoping the fearsome council of vampire leaders forgot to bring their magic swords or whatever. The movie's coming out on November 18, so try not to run afoul of any sexy vampires and/or werewolves before then.