Here's Jean-Claude Van Damme's 'Kickboxer' With Just The Kicks

HIIIIIYA! This makes me happier than it has any right to. As I write this, the video is playing, so I'm privy to only the SOUNDS of kicks, which is oddly soothing. I was looking for a reason to give up yoga anyway.

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Chuck Norris Does The Jean-Claude Van Damme Video

His beard has it's own beard. Or fists. Or something. I forget. The greatest Christmas gift of all isn't just a Chuck Norris video. It's a Chuck Norris video that upstages something Jean-Claude Van Damme did for Volvo. Why? I have no idea, but it's a slow news day, so we're trumping up the few posts we're making in a "run out the clock"-type situation that has us counting down until it's egg nog time. You know what? Screw it. It's egg nog time now. Merry Chuckmas, and Happy Norriskuh.


James Van Der Beek Shows Us His O-Face

We all thought that James Van Der Beek's best days were behind him, but we were all terrible, rotten fools. We all thought that James Van Der Beek's best days were behind him, but we were all terrible, rotten fool d*ckheads. Dawson was wise enough to realize that we'll always remember him as Dawson, and never forget him crying like a pussy in that one (?) episode of "Dawson's Creek." So he's decided to use his pain to his advantage. Now we have The revolutionary new site that will change the way we make fun of people forever. Thank you Dawson, James Van Der Beek. You matter to us now.


In This 'Pound Of Flesh' Clip, JCVD Tracks Down The People Who Stole His Organs

An organ-less Jean-Claude Van Damme taking to the streets is terrifying. Do you like Jean-Claude Van Damme? Nevermind. Just keep reading regardless of how you would have answered this. He's stepping out in a new, slightly less self-aware film called Pound of Flesh, in which the Belgian action star wakes up in the familiar tub full of ice, only to discover his kidney has been jacked. There's a wrinkle to this otherwise run-of-the-mill organ theft story: HIS DYING NIECE NEEDS THAT KIDNEY! They pissed off the wrong aging Belgian action star this time. Maybe he could just go down this route: (THR)


[VIDEO] Jon Stewart Goes on WWE Raw, Promptly Kicks Seth Rollins in the Junk

Tonight's Breaking Story: Yo Dick! The Jon Stewart-Seth Rollins feud has gotten physical, y'all. Oh, were you not aware that the former WWE Tag Team champion and the soon-to-be former Daily Show host (tear) had beef? Well, they do, and it all started when that punk-ass Rollins had the audacity to call The Daily Show "unwatchable." Stewart was quick to respond by cutting a promo of his own, to which Rollins responded by crashing an episode of The Daily Show last week. Things came to a head on last night's edition of Raw, however, when Rollins opened the show by hosting his own version of The Daily Show. Stewart was having none of it, and after lobbing a few insults at Rollins' hair, proceeded to kick him straight in the balls thanks to a momentary distraction from Randy Orton. It was easily the greatest WWE celebrity cameo since MacGruber, so check out a full video of the segment above. Or if you're one of those people who has a "job" or "more important things to do," check out Stewart's low blow in glorious gif form below. Tonight's breaking story: Yo Dick! 


Knight Rider Rescues Vanessa Williams From Terrorists

We are still in the days of TV experimentation, and tonight just may be the riskiest decision. Yep, we're watching Knight Rider, because it's been written up as being "nothing more than car-porn," or being "so delectably bad that you have to watch it just to tell your grandchildren that you were there," and because tonight's episode involves rescuing Vanessa Williams from terrorists. To cleanse the palate, VH1 is offering the 40 greatest pranks of all-time.


Trailer For 'Legend Of The Fist' Has Kicking, Punching, And Shooting

Sorry, this is not the Dreamworks Animation film 'Legend of the Fish' You might not be familiar with the character of Chen Zhen, who is "returning" in the new Hong Kong action movie Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen. A quick lesson: The character was originally played by Bruce Lee in the 1972 kicking/punching film Fist of Fury. Since then, the character has been played by several different actors in several different remakes/sequels/television adaptations, the most recent of which is Legend of the Fist. Whew! Remind me not to complain about sequels and reboots here in the United States, where compared to China the situation is neat and orderly. Anyway, the trailer is pretty cool, with a lot of swanky period sets and awesome stunts from Donnie Yen. He also puts on a costume inspired be The Green Hornet's sidekick Kato, who of course was played by Bruce Lee in the 60s TV show "The Green Hornet." Sold yet?


Apocalyptic ‘Vanishing on 7th Street’ Trailer Makes Detroit Look Like…Detroit

There's a new trailer for Vanishing on 7th Street, staring Hayden Christensen and John Leguizamo. And from the looks of it, there's a reason director Brad Anderson chose to shoot in Detroit. There's a new trailer for Vanishing on 7th Street, staring Hayden Christensen and John Leguizamo. And from the looks of it, there's a reason director Brad Anderson chose to shoot in Detroit. An unexplained blackout plunges the city of Detroit into total darkness, and by the time the sun rises, only a few people remain — surrounded by heaps of empty clothing, abandoned cars and lengthening shadows. Yeah, that description pretty much sums it up. It's basically the real story of Detroit told in one night instead of over decades, and with a blackout instead of a rusting auto industry. Watch the trailer above and see for yourself. (Collider)


Jason Statham Kicks, Punches, And Broods In 'Wild Card' Trailer

All that squinting and mumbling has me thinking he's the next Clint Eastwood. Stop us if you've heard this one before: Jason Statham is a rogue tough-guy who gets by hustling and dealing with less-than-savory folks, all while wearing a grim face. That's right! It's most every Jason Statham film since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. But there's a reason he keeps going back to that well. It works for him. Here in Wild Card, the Statham archetype is dropped in Vegas, hence the clever title. He runs around Sin City offering fun little nuggets like "I take care of things. That's all you need to know," which karate chopping everyone in his path. We're not complaining, because the film looks kind of fun, but it's nothing new, judging from this trailer.