Heads Roll In 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' Red Band Trailer

You guys are going to go see this, right? Some might be turned off by Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on principal alone. Dismissing it as gimmick that doesn't warrant their time or attention. Perhaps it is a gimmick, but I would like to offer the counter-point, ABRAHAM LINCOLN BEHEADS A FLEEING VAMPIRE WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO LOOK AT IT. I'm sorry. I'm nervous. After Cowboys & Aliens pooped its rucksack, I'm not sure there's an audience for something as far out as this. So let's band together as a nation and watch it so Hollywood keeps giving money to clever and creative fare. I'm sick of England getting all the cool stuff.

Watch Next:

'Community' Actors Instructed To Spin Dan Harmon Sh*t-Canning

Related Content


The Man Comes Around In 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' Trailer

He's got my vote. And I heard as it were. the noise of thunder. And I looked and behold, it was Death saying, "Come and see." And I saw. And Hell followed him. In other words, vampires of the south have been put on notice because now we have the first action-packed trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Give it a watch. I dare you to find any scenes that don't look incredibly awesome. Bravo to Tim Burton, Timur Bekmambetov, and Seth Grahame-Smith.


First Footage Of Spielberg's 'Lincoln' Is Lacking Vampires

Here's the trailer for the trailer. You're welcome. After a long wait, we're finally treated to a taste of Steven Spielberg's Lincoln. Remember this moment. It is the culmination of years of planning, casting setbacks, and however long it takes Daniel Day-Lewis to grow a beard. There's not much to see in these brief clips, but we are given some soundbites. Is that really the voice Day-Lewis is using for Lincoln? That's not Lincoln-y at all. I think I prefer the original Bane voice to this. We'll learn a lot more about the film when the full trailer debuts on Thursday. Perhaps the camera will continue to dolly around to reveal Abe in full penny pose.


'Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters' Trailer Hunts The Eff Out Of Some Witches

The hottest film of March 2012 now has a trailer. The hottest film of March 2012, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, finally has a trailer. But don't hold it against it. The tongue-in-cheek fairy-tale action film starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, has been pushed back to come on the heels of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter's flop at the box office (even though it's awesome), which I can't imagine will help this film's chances. Then again, it has Jeremy Renner in it playing with Van Helsing's guns, Gemma Arterton in a leather catsuit, and witches getting their heads chopped off. If you expect more than that from a film, brother, this is where we part ways.


Matthew McCounaughey To Frustrate Us With Two More Lincoln Ads On New Year's Day

He could show up at my door, carry me to the dealership, and I still wouldn't buy a Lincoln. Matthew McConaughey's first Lincoln ads caused a bit of a blip on the pop culture radar, getting spoofed by South Park, SNL, and all your friends who do really shitty Matthew McConaughey impressions. Operating under the assumption that no press is bad press, Lincoln's dropping two more ads on us. On New Year's Day. When they know we'll be too hungover to get up and change the channel. A sample quote from one of the new ads: "You gotta find that balance where taking care of yourself takes care of more than just yourself." "This steering wheel is a flat circle." (I made the second one up, but the first one is real.) The top video is ridiculous conventionally, but the second one (below) is a head scratcher. He's clearly waiting in a diner to buy either a handgun or cocaine when he gets a revelation. HOW IS LINCOLN RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?


McConaughey Hates Offices In New 'Lincoln Lawyer' Trailer

McConaughey gets the case of his career when he's hired to clear Ryan Phillippe after he's been accused of imitating Charlie Sheen. In this second trailer for The Lincoln Lawyer, Matthew McConaughey plays the finest car-based defender that money can buy. This time around we get an inkling more about the film's plot and an answer to the important question, "Why a car?" The answer is simple: because offices suck. McConaughey gets the case of his career when he's hired to clear Ryan Phillippe after he's been accused of imitating Charlie Sheen. However, as McConaughey learns, the golden boy isn't as innocent as he seems. I love how the courtroom scene will undoubtedly play out. McConaughey: "You need to confess." Phillippe: "No." McConaughey: "It would be a lot cooler if you did." Judge: "Case closed." Bailiff cues up Rupert Holmes song and everyone parties in the court room. FADE TO CREDITS


McConaughey Practices Road Law In Trailer For ‘The Lincoln Lawyer’

Matthew McConaughey stars as The Lincoln Lawyer. If he cared about the environment, he'd be a Prius Lawyer. Never hire a lawyer who works out of their car. That's just a general rule of thumb. In this trailer for The Lincoln Lawyer, Matthew McConaughey does exactly that -- tools around town in a Lincoln while doling out shady legal advice. If he cared about the environment he'd have studied to be a Prius Lawyer. The film has a pretty diverse cast: McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, William H. Macy, Michael Pena, Margarita Levieva, and most notably Josh Lucas. What was Brad Furman thinking when he cast McConaughey and Lucas against each other? Doesn't he know that they can't be in the same place at the same time? A) it confuses the baby, and B) if they touch, the universe will fold in on itself.


The Real Star of ‘The Lincoln Lawyer’ Is William H. Macy’s Hair

The premise of The Lincoln Lawyer makes the movie sound a lot more charming than the third trailer makes it look. The premise of The Lincoln Lawyer (Matthew McConaughey practices law out of the back of his car) makes the movie sound a lot more charming than the third trailer makes it look. It seems to play as a straight-up legal thriller, albeit with a lot of stars. Additionally, we get Ryan Phillipe at The Lincoln Lawyer's bad-boy client, William H. Macy, Marissa Tomei, Josh Lucas, and John Leguizamo. The trailer does a pretty good job of confusing the hell out of the viewer, so kudos to the producers for that. The big takeaway here is that there's lots of deception, and these men love to yell at each other. Something tells me that, when all is said and done, the guilty parties will wish they had never crossed...The Lincoln Lawyer. If you're on the fence, it's looking like William H. Macy is sporting his funniest hairstyle since Boogie Nights, so do with that information what you will.


'The Conjuring' Trailer: So Scary I May Have Pooped On My Underpants

Yet another reason why playing with your kids is a bad idea. James Wan has found himself a nice little niche. Step 1) Make very scary movies for very little money. Step 2) Go to the bank. Previously, Wan earned $100 million on a $1.5 million investment with Insidious. His latest, The Conjuring, looks scary enough to earn all the money. Stars Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga (who don't appear in this trailer) play a husband and wife team of ghost hunters investigating a remote farmhouse. They quickly learn that they are in over their heads when the supernatural activity grows more and more violent. I'm really impressed by the hide and seek sequence featured in this trailer. Suppose you're a ghost and a new family moves into your house and immediately starts playing hide and seek while blindfold. How can you not f**k with them? This ghost, though, just takes it to an amazing level. It deserves our respect. This film was originally slated for January 2013 release but due to resounding praise from audiences, the film was pushed back to August to rake in those sweet, sweet summer dollars.