Monday, December 5 by

Fox News Exposes The Great Muppet Caper: Brain Washing Your Children

Note: I honestly hate writing articles critical of Fox News. It’s not because I have any affinity for the network, but rather because doing so feels so cliché. Every Jon Stewart wanna be on the Internet is already going to jump all over whatever they say, so why should this two-bit Internet hack join the pile on? That said, sometimes they leave me no choice, so here we go. F**k you for making me write this, Fox News.

Finally, someone has the balls to nail those Muppet bastards right to the wall and expose them for the filthy leftists they are. In a recent segment, Fox News decried the latest Muppet movie for depicting a wealthy oilman as a villain, thereby indoctrinating a generation of children into the Marxist movement. First they take Manhattan, then they take Berlin.

Here’s a few of my favorite quotes from this hard-hitting news segment:

“The only thing green that should be up on that screen should be Kermit the Frog.”


(Kids) have been indoctrinated for years by this kind of stuff.

No argument here. I’ve been sucking dick ever since I heard The Rainbow Connection at age 6.

“You wonder why we’ve got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country.”

In all fairness, the OWS people (if you consider them “people”) were doing a lot more sitting in one place than they were walking. And now that I think about it, have you ever seen Oscar the Grouch walk? Coincidence?

“I just wish liberals could leave little kids alone.”

God damn liberals like Jerry Sandusky need to stay away from my kids!

“They should have…the evil person be the Obama administration?”

Good idea, but I’m not very comfortable with my child being exposed to a black Muppet.

“Over the years they’ve gotten more liberal.”

Have you ever seen a picture of Jim Henson? He’s a god damn pinko if I’ve ever seen one.

Of course, to keep things fair and balanced, Fox’s token leftist straw man (who in this case, was a woman named Caroline Heldman) came in to confirm the grand Muppet conspiracy.

“You call it brainwashing, I call this education. It’s a shame they couldn’t have put up a financial services tycoon.”

Smooth move, Caroline. You blew the whole thing. Here’s a tip for anyone being asked to come on Fox News to stick up for a Democratic cause: If they’re asking you, it’s because you’re stupid. Don’t go (or do, I don’t care).

But perhaps the most insulting part of the whole segment is the fact that host Eric Bolling lifted a quote from Adam Carolla’s recent (and kind of awesome) anti-Occupy Wall Street rant.

Carolla’s rant:

It used to be, back in the day, father’d be walking his son down the sidewalk and you’d see a guy go by in a Rolls Royce and the father would say, “There goes Mr. Jenkins. Look up to him. That guy works hard. That guy built a company. That guy built an empire. Now look at him. He’s got his Rolls Royce.” Now it’s like, “Oh! Look at him. Does he need that car? Why does he need that car?”

Eric Bolling’s quote:

I remember when I was a little kid, we were poor, we were dead broke, in fact, and my parents would see someone wealthy driving by and be like, “See that guy, he started a business, he worked hard, you can be like that.” Not pointing the finger at Tex Richamn and saying “he’s a bad guy.”

If you want to bitch about Occupy Wall Street, more power to you. But at least be original (says the guy who just stole an article idea from Vulture).

Do you like this story?

$this_cat_breadcrumbs = get_the_category(); $this_cat_name_breadcrumbs = $this_cat_breadcrumbs[0]->name; $parent_cat_id_breadcrumbs = $this_cat_breadcrumbs[0]->category_parent;