Friday, October 3 by

Count the Cliches in “The Uninvited” Trailer

I know we usually post a good trailer in the afternoon, but after watching this spot for The Uninvited, I couldn’t help but point out that it has just about every cheesy horror element you could ever want all in one place. It’s not every day you get that kind of one-stop shopping. Here’s a list of the tired stuff you’ll see.

  • :12 Flashback to traumatic event that kills a main character’s mother.
  • :21 Wide shot of a car driving through the woods like in The Shining.
  • :30 Uh oh, nobody trusts new mom. Maybe she’s a ghost or a killer or something!
  • :44 Main character looking through a key hole. That’s traditionally one of the scariest kinds of holes to look through.
  • :45 Glass thing falls on the ground and dramatically breaks.
  • :48 Muffled heartbeat sound, like the one I hear after eating $11 worth of stuff off the dollar menu.
  • :56 creepy little kid that looks like she might be Amish. Puberty can be so hard.
  • :58 Creepy little kid starts whispering for no real reason. It’s OK to use your outside voice.
  • :59 Someone jolts up out of bed like someone just gave her a surprise shocker.
  • 1:06 Unecessary bikinis. I kind of like that one, though.
  • 1:08 Black and white dream sequence introduced by the line, "I had a dream," just in case you weren’t getting it.
  • 1:15 The main characters stumble upon a revealing newspaper article.
  • 1:34 Hey, it’s one of those things where we hear a heart beat and in between sounds everything goes black.
  • 1:38 Surprise jump scare with a hand shooting out and grabbing the main character’s arm. That’s like a twofer.
  • 1:42 "I thought that I was dreaming but I wasn’t!" I knew a guy who could do that. His name was Freddy. He had a cool hat.
  • 1:45 Hey, a kitchen knife. That’s not a very original choice of weapons.
  • 1:48 And we’ve arrived at the inevitable bath tub scene. This is getting ridiculous.
  • 2:01 Stepping in a mysterious blood puddle. I hear that’s good luck in some cultures.
  • 2:09 Another jump cut just to round things out.

    All together that’s 19 cliches stuck into a little under two and a half minutes. Not bad. Plus, throw in the fact that it’s a remake of an Asian (South Korean, to be exact) horror movie and that rounds us out to an even 20. That record should stand until Eddie Murphy decides to make a new movie featuring fat suits.

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