All 429 Curse Words From 'Pulp Fiction'
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Someone earned their 15%. The inanimate doll that terrified audiences of The Conjuring with her scary ability to look creepy right after a loud noise happened is back with her own film. This teaser trailer for Annabelle gives a glimpse of the doll's demonic origin and should supply Marlon Wayans with enough material for at least another Haunted House movie. It also serves as a reminder to always wash blood off your dolls or at least give them a quick once-over with a Clorox Wipe.
Keep in mind, she doesn't really love you. Check out this ne Break Original video, I Just Texted to Say I Love You, starring Modern Family's Sarah Hyland. It's just like the song, "I Just Called To Say I Love You", but ya know, all techie and stuff, because calling people is for losers...losers like your grandparents. So help me God, I feel like a real creep staring at Sarah Hyland every time I watch Modern Family. But come to find out, she's 20 years old, so I don't have to feel bad at all! Hooray for small victories!
What this version of the trailer lacks in outright profanity, it more than makes up for in bodily functions. It's a little less tawdry than the original red-band trailer we showed you, but don't worry, there's still liquid poop flying in Jason Bateman's eyes and talk of the lovemaking positions "The Arsenio Hall" and "Arabian Goggles." The Change-Up will cause you to forget everything you ever knew about mind-transfer comedies, which, if you're born after 1985, shouldn't be too difficult. Beyond that, this trailer is pretty similar to the one from before. But don't dismiss it entirely. Let it serve as another reminder that you should never make wishes in front of unfamiliar statues. Because they might grant them. And then you might inherit your friend's body and life, neither of which are as good as Ryan Reynolds'. I promise you.
But how will he text people without a cell phone? Amid the much-hyped summer movie deluge, we've got a fun, modest family movie that's introducing itself to the world. Turbo Kid is the story of a boy (orphaned, natch) who goes on a quest to save his female robot friend from a power-hungry warlord. Sounds pretty weird, right? It's the work of three (!) directors, François Simard, Annouk Whissell and Yoann-Karl Whissell, who are hoping to take audiences back to the types of family adventure films we saw in the 80s like Goonies, The Last Starfighter, and Time Bandits. Check out the trailer and see if they hit their mark.
You don't want to make an enemy out Reginald VelJohnson. No sir. One of the great things about Key and Peele is that it's not bound by the constraints of pop culture consciousness. It's almost 2015, but, dammit, if they want to do a show about a 25 year-old family sitcom, they're gonna. And they're gonna do it really well. Here, in this clip from Vulture, Jordan Peele does an uncanny Reginald VelJohnson impression that his him fuming that Family Matters has essentially become Urkel and Friends. The fact that they're premise is right is buoyed further by just how well Jordan Peele sells the impression. I mean, how did he find out he does a killer Reginald VelJohnson? Was he watching TV one afternoon and reading the lines along with him? We'll let that mystery go and just enjoy the clip.
Liv Tyler, Charlie Hunnam, Patrick Wilson and Terrence Howard star in a movie that was the backdrop for a Screen Junkies controversy. (Whoa.) Awhile back, Screen Junkies interviewed The Ledge star Charlie Hunnam at Sundance. It ended up not being pretty, but we're ready to let bigones be bigones, and won't let the bad memories associated with the interview color our presentation of the trailer. I promise to be completely fair and unbiased. The Ledge, a poopy movie for dumb-dumbs, was written and directed by Matthew Chapman. The movie, about a bunch of jerks who get caught in a stupid-looking love triangle, stars Liv Tyler, Charlie Hunnam, Patrick Wilson and Terrence Howard. From the stinky trailer, I gather that Hunnam has to jump off the ledge, or his lover Tyler will be killed by her religious zealot husband Wilson. Oh, and when I said the trailer was stinky, I meant it smells like a fart. IFC Films will push the movie off a ledge for a limited theatrical release June 29th. Also: two thumbs down.
I would also like to pitch in. Stephen Colbert (whose balls are so big he carries them in a sidecar on weekends) was inspired by Donald Trump's Joker-esque proposal that President Obama release his college and passport applications in exchange for $5 million worth of charitable donations. And so, he made an offer to Mr. Trump on last night's Colbert Report. “Nation, I am so moved by this generous offer, that I’d like to make an offer of my own. Mr Trump, I will write you a check for $1 million dollars from Colbert Super PAC — you know I’ve got it — to the charity of your choice…Save The Children. Feed The Children. Put The Children on Child Apprentice, whatever…One million actual dollars, if you will let me dip my balls in your mouth. One million.” Of course, there are conditions. “But…this dipping — and I hope you’re listening very carefully Mr Trump — this dipping has to be to my and more importantly, my balls’ satisfaction. One caveat…My balls must be in your mouth no later than 5pm October 31st. Nothing would make America happier than to have something going into your mouth than coming out of it.” Amazing. Though I doubt Trump will do it. He simply doesn't care enough about the children.
Did he do that? Ok. I don't really know how to preface this clip. It doesn't really have any context whatsoever. There hasn't really been a rush to nostalgia for Family Matters, unless you include this Key and Peele skit, which is pretty great. So let's examine the "what" and not the "why." We've got Urkel and Carl fighting over Laura, Japan-style. We've got a reworked theme song. We've got several familiar catch phrases. Honestly, this thing feels a little long at even two minutes, but fortunately, the first minute is just realizing how much of the theme song you might remember. Tune in next week for Urkel-Bot vs. Urkel-San.
This won't ruin your childhood as badly as the prequels did. Vivid Video's porn version of Stars Wars prides itself on having the highest budget ever for an X-rated spoof. From watching this trailer, I'd estimate it around 4,000 bucks. Though this trailer doesn't hint at any of the sexy escapades that the rebel forces take part in, I'd totally see this. In fact, just cut out all the parts with wangs ding-donging around and I'd be a regular viewer of XXX parodies. The cheap effects combined with the bad acting and C-3PO's sassiness are a winning combo. Are we certain that there is any sex in this movie? Maybe we're confused and XXX means bad effects and direction. If so, Van Helsing was erroneously rated. (Topless Robot)