Balki Acted Like A Dick On Local Morning News

Bronson Pinchot does not respect Mother Nature. Bronson Pinchot does not respect Mother Nature.

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According To KRQE News, The Pedobear Threat Is Real

Your move, Internet. What you see above is an actual local news piece from Albuquerque's KRQE investigating beloved Internet personality Pedobear. What this report alleges is that the character, which was designed to poke fun at pedophiles and their wily attempts to lure children into presenting their bathing suit areas, is actually being reappropriated by pedophiles to lure children into presenting their bathing suit areas. It's a lot like the U.S. training Al Qaeda when you almost think about it. I can't help but feel like I'm walking into a trap here. By all accounts this seems like an honest, straightforward news clip and given the light research I've done (asking a guy), this is in fact real. But it just seems so tailor made for Internet ridicule. The earnest cluelessness of the anchors. The empty threats from the Attorney General's office. The chick up on the roof. It screams put-on but shows no wink, wink. To paraphrase Terri Hatcher, "It's real. And it's spectacular." Your move, Internet. Check out out our latest gallery where we rank the Victoria Secret models on their acting, for some reason...


Fox News Undergoes Makeover To Look Even More Stupid

This is the future of looking stupid. In a move to ensure that The Onion News Network never runs out of material, Fox News has redesigned their studio to feature big-ass touchscreens that journalists can sit at and look like dickheads. According to the video, Fox believes this concept will be copied in other newsrooms and become "the norm." Starting now, I'm only watching Fox News. This can only fail miserably and YOU KNOW we're going to see porn on one of those screens eventually.


Libyan News Anchors A Lot Cooler Than American Ones

You never see Wolf Blitzer waving a gun on the air. Except that one time. You might have seen the news emerging from the country of Libya, involving Muammar Gaddafi. But I bet none of the news you watched was being delivered by someone brandishing a gun. This wasn't the case for viewers of the state-run news channel al-Libiyah. They were treated to the sight of anchorwoman Hala Misrati waving her gat around. Here's what she had to say: “You will not take al-Libiyah channel. You won’t take Jamahiriyah channel, Shababiyah channel, Tripoli or all of Libya, and even those without weapon are willing to be a shield in order to protect their colleagues at this channel. We are willing to become martyrs.” I'm gonna remember this next time Sean Hannity says something controversial - do you think he'd be willing to be a martyr for Fox News? Anyway, you can see the video for yourself up above. Watch it before you think about invading Libya. (Mediaite)


MSNBC Learned Putting News Team In Sombreros, Drinking Tequila, For Cinco de Mayo Means You Have To Apologize For It 3 Months Later

You should see what they did on April 20th. The discussion of representing other ethnicities and the boundaries of good taste will always be a source of much contention between people, but I think that we can all agree that we don't want to see our white newscasters on MSNBC in sombreros, drinking fake tequila to "celebrate" Cinco de Mayo. Because it's insensitive? Maybe. Because it's really, stupid and unprofessional? Yeah. Definitely that one. On the Way Too Early show (I smell a Pulitzer based on the name alone), host Thomas Roberts shared the origins of the holiday (understandable) while his PRODUCER, ambled around in a big hat with a flask of what we all assume is tequila. Dude, a margarita is far less offensive. Anyway, because it takes 90-120 days to apologize for something stupid and indefensible, MSNBC is just now getting their "I'm sorry"s out to an association of Hispanic journalists through an appearance by the network president at their annual convention. They should also direct it to anyone with good taste who just wants to watch the news in the morning. (Deadline)


Ryan Gosling Is Acting Quiet And Killing Guys Again In 'Only God Forgives' Trailer

Ryan Gosling has become the Jason Statham for hipsters. Nicolas Winding Refn knows how to make a film. Just have Ryan Gosling silently look at things and then kill guys in unconventional ways. He's become a hipster Jason Statham. That formula worked for Drive and it looks like Refn's hoping lightning will strike twice with Only God Forgives. Here, Gosling runs an underground boxing club in Bangkok and becomes mixed up with local gangsters. An obvious continuation of the stylistic language established in Drive, this trailer is all mood, violence, and neon. And thankfully, very little of Gosling speaking in his cartoon attempt at a Brooklyn accent.


Fox News Gives Glenn Beck Something New To Cry About

Glenn Beck is gonna have to go back to the conspiracy drawing board, because his Fox News show is coming to an end. Who's behind all this? NPR? The Obama Administration? Glenn Beck is gonna have to go back to the conspiracy drawing board, because his Fox News show is coming to an end. Who's behind all this? NPR? The Obama Administration? We may never know. Fox News struck a deal with Beck to bring an end to his 5 pm show, which was regularly the third highest rated show in cable news. At one point, his ratings were much higher, but the numbers have continuously been dropping, and creeped out advertisers have been pulling their sponsorships, which explains all the crying. Here's a joint statement Fox News and Beck's production company Mercury Radio Arts released on what he'll do next: "[We] will work together to develop and produce a variety of television projects for air on the Fox News Channel as well as content for other platforms including Fox News' digital properties." So get excited for a bunch of crazy Glenn Beck soundboard iPhone apps. "Shut up, 9/11 victims," "The President's racist," "O-L-I-G-A-R-H-Y." Coming soon. Beck announced the end of days on his show in the above clip. He compares himself to American her Paul Revere and claims he "avoids confrontation" and doesn't like conflict. Yup, that all checks out. (TheWrap)


Dennis Quaid Refers To Someone As 'Dopey The Dick' During Movie Set Freak-Out

It's sometimes nice to just kick back and watch older men lose their sh*t. He's no Christian Bale, but you can't blame Dennis Quaid for a terrific effort in this found footage movie set freak out. It's a little too good to be true, leaving some wondering if it's fake or staged. He sure does enunciated well for a guy in the middle of a meltdown, but he was just in the middle of doing a scene, so maybe that was his mindset. Anyway, it's fun to see ole' wholesome Dennis Quaid get a little fire in his belly. Here's the clip. Don't be a Dopey the Dick. Don't wander into Dennis Quaid's set while he's ACTING.