'Bait 3D' Trailer Is Here To Make You Forget 'Snakes On A Plane'

I've had it with this motherf***ing sharks in this motherf***ing Whole Foods! If you only watch one giant shark eats masked gunmen in a submerged, post-tsunami grocery store movie, it should be this one.

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'Shark Night 3D' Trailer: College Is All About Sharks And Boobs

Ladies: protect your boobs from sharks... at all costs. Just watched the above trailer for Shark Night 3D, starring Sara Paxton. I suppose any excuse to see boobs is probably a worthwhile use of my time, though this movie seems pretty horror-by-the-numbers-y. They're on a booty trip in the middle of nowhere, the main black guy is the first to get attacked, there's a shark POV shot of a girl's legs dangling - same old, same old. Still, though... boobs. Also, a guy gets lowered down to the shark against his will, which I fully support. [post-album postid="211522" item="5"]Shark Night 3D comes to us from director David Ellis (Snakes on a Plane), who originally wanted to title the film to be Untitled 3D Shark Thriller. I'm hoping there'll be at least a little bit of self-mocking, or something worth making a hilarious-for-a-time meme out of, that's not represented in the trailer. Or maybe it's a really scary thriller, and the trailer just picks parts we'd be "familiar" with. Otherwise, I'm swimming off to boobier waters on September 2nd.


'Soul Surfer' Trailer -- Now With Shark Attack

If there was one critique of Soul Surfer's teaser trailer, it was that the film didn't look nearly gross enough. Problem solved! If there was one critique of Soul Surfer's teaser trailer, it was that the film didn't look nearly gross enough. Problem solved! This new look at the film finally gets around to showing that shark attack that costs the protagonist her arm... but not her love of surfing. Did you hear that, sharks?! You can eat our arms but not our spirits!! Anyway, whereas the earlier trailer was wholesome and full of hugs, this new one spends way too much time showing off that nasty arm stub. Gross. It's times like these that I hate movie-blogging. Some of us are trying to eat Cheetos over here.


Liam Neeson Deals With Some Jerk Murdering Everyone On A Plane In 'Non-Stop' Trailer

Always bet on Black... Irish. We've seen Liam Neeson play cat-and-mouse with vicious wolves and generic European gangsters, but we've never seen him deal with some jerk on an airplane before. And I'm not talking about seat-kicking. This particular jerk is murdering everyone on the flight right under Neeson's nose. In Non-Stop, from Orphan director Jaume Collet-Serra, Liam Neeson plays a guy not played by Nicolas Cage who must find and stomp out the evil mastermind making ransom demands on an international flight. If that terrorist had only watched Passenger 57, he'd know to always bet on black. Or Black Irish in this case.


It's Happening Again In 'Sharknado 2: The Second One'

Fire up the chainsaw. Much like lightning, tornadoes comprised of sharks never strike in the same place twice. That's why Ian Ziering and Tara Reid have traveled to New York City for Sharknado 2: The Second One. Syfy hasn't shared any plot details yet but, c'mon. The Syfy Original Film also stars Mark McGrath, Vivica A. Fox, Kari Wuhrer, Andy Dick, Kelly Osbourne, Judah Friedlander, Judd Hirsch, Pepa, Kurt Angle, Billy Ray Cyrus, Biz Markie, and somehow NOT Kevin Sorbo. I guess they're saving him for Sharknado 3.


'Captain Planet' Trailer Looks Serious Enough To Be Real

He's blue as shit. Remember Captain Planet? The blue guy who would probably be asking you to sign a petition outside of Whole Foods if he wasn't a superhero? Well, an enthusiastic fan put together not only a pretty funny origin story, but a spot-on send-up of the superhero genre. And while the effects aren't quite Avatar quality, they're better than anything you've ever done, so just shut up, ok? Considering this was a labor of love, the production values were actually quite high, and the screeching rock song in the background goes a long way to sell the grittiness. So jump on board with Captain Planet. You silly Planeteers.


'Sharknado 2' Trailer Jumps The Shark In A Good Way

Even the sharknados are tougher in New York. If you were worried that Sharknado 2: The Second One couldn't be more ridiculous than its predecessor, this trailer is here to call you a dummy. First of all, the cast now includes Ian Ziering as the intrepid hero, Tara Reid as whoever she plays, Vivica A. Fox, Billy Ray Cyrus, Sugar Ray's Mark McGrath, and Jared from Subway. If that's not more ridiculous enough for you, direct your attention to the comically-oversized chainsaw that Ziering wields this time around. I bet you didn't even know those existed. Dummy. And to reiterate: