A Fun Shot-For-Shot Remake Of 'Top Gun'

Iceman was gay. There. I said it. Everyone likes Top Gun. Except the anonymous fighter pilots who flew on behalf of an indeterminate evil country, somewhere over the Indian Ocean...present day. However, Tom Cruise's couch jumping and general weirdness may have tainted one of the defining cinematic works of not only the 1980's, but maybe the entire Cold War. That's right. I'm lumping Top Gun in with The Godfather, Dr. Strangelove, and many other far better films. So, without Tom Cruise's pervasive taint, we offer the final dog fight of Top Gun, with Cruise Control intact. Oh, and it's homemade, or, as we like to call it, "artisanal."

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New ‘Fast Five’ Trailer Knees Gravity In The Taint From Behind

Move over Cars 2 trailer. Your reign as today's most exciting auto-centric film trailer has come to an end. Move over Cars 2 trailer. Your reign as today's most exciting auto-centric film trailer has come to an end. Behold the latest trailer for Fast Five. It gives us all the things you'd expect from this film. Fast cars chasin faster cars, fast cars speeding alongside trains, people hanging out of fast cars, people making out while driving fast cars, Vin Diesel and The Rock sweating and rolling around on top of one another', Ludacris being sassy, gatlin guns, base jumping out of plummeting cars, and the crew walking in slow motion on a beach while wearing white outfits. It's just like the previous films mixed together with a little sprinkle of Boyz II Men video added for taste.


Chris Rock Is A Machine Gun Sprayin' Bear In 'Top Five' Trailer

Hammy Time! In Top Five, Chris Rock's character just wants to be funny again. It looks like he's got his wish. Here he stars as a former standup turned movie star thanks to the outrageously successful Hammy The Bear series of action films. Despite his fame, fortune, and hanger-on reality star wife, Rock's character feels disconnected but finds himself being reinvigorated when Rosario Dawson's TIME reporter shadows him for a cover story and helps him rediscover his roots. And also admit that LL Cool J is almost as good as Biggie. Now that's funny. The movie was a huge hit at TIFF last month, and was snatched up by Paramount for seven figures in a bidding war. The film opens in December and we'll hopefully get a Hammy the Bear spin-off in 2016. Luis Guzman could use a hit.


Hey, China: Mess With Our Spy Planes, But Don't Ever Touch 'Top Gun'

China's state-run network has been caught lifting scenes from the amazingly awesome film Top Gun and claiming it to be footage of an air force training exercise. If only foreign governments could find some way to repurpose that volleyball scene. China's state-run network, CCTV, has been accused of lifting scenes from the amazingly awesome film Top Gun and claiming it to be footage of an air force training exercise. Pretty brazen behavior by the Chinese media. One would think they would have tested the waters with some Iron Eagle clips before co-opting the holy grail of homoerotic fighter pilot movies. Or maybe they did pass Iron Eagle clips off as news and no one really noticed, so they upped the ante this time around. This goof is relevant to two issues in China today. First, the Chinese government has been chiding independent news outlets on fabricating stories and footage, so the fact that this act was committed by the state-run outlet is...well, it's not great. Secondly, myriad facets of the entertainment industry have taken China to task for failing to crack down on piracy issues. This news story probably won't help that cause either. This should cause both US and Chinese officials to reinvestigate the validity of CCTV's claim of a dalmatian infestation in 1996, then again in 2000. (WSJ)


New ‘Super 8' Clip: Kids Are Afraid Of Guns And Monsters

Children are such scaredy cats when it comes to guys with bloody faces pointing guns at them. Children are such scaredy cats when it comes to guys with bloody faces pointing guns at them. That's what we learn from the newest clip from J.J. Abrams' highly anticipated Super 8. The preview above takes place after the train crash. The kids are poking around the wreckage, hanging out, finding important maps 'n' stuff, when all of a sudden - bam - crazy guy with a bunch of guns. Man, Super 8 is reminding me of Goonies more and more. It's about kids on an adventure, one of them's a tubbo, it's produced by Steven Spielberg, and now there's an important map. I hope the monster turns out to be a giant Sloth. Next clip airs tomorrow on Fox during "American Idol." Super 8' Kids" src="http://www.screenjunkies.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/super-8-kids.jpg" alt='' width="300" height="225" />


Tom Cruise Wants The Truth, Once Again, In Latest 'Oblivion' Trailer

This guy's always chasing the truth. The last trailer for Joseph Kosinski's Oblivion offered very little beyond showing Tom Cruise flying around in a ship that looks like the Ambiguously Gay Duo penis car, and that was a wise move. We were able to process the film's setting, marvel at the special effects and get all the Wall-E jokes out of our system. This time around, we're treated to the film's actual plot. Tom Cruise stars as a drone repairman who lives in orbit with his wife. By day, he helps clean up the surface of a dead Earth and eliminate the alien beasts that still inhabit it. His life is shaken up when he begins to experience visions of a woman he's never met, and is pulled into a conspiracy when that mystery woman arrives on Earth via escape pod. It looks like it combines elements from several existing science fiction films. Except Battlefield Earth. Scientology learned their lesson with that one.


Ain't No Problem A Bazooka Can't Solve In 'Machine Gun Preacher' Trailer

Gerard Butler gets results. Wow. Gerard Butler is helping hungry kids in a way that makes Sally Struthers look super-lazy. He stars in Machine Gun Preacher as Sam Childers, a former drug dealer who decides to up his good karma by traveling to the Sudan and helping the impoverished by kicking hunger down a bottomless pit. While building an orphanage, he also forms a militia to fight against the warlords that are drafting the children to become soldiers. It's your move, Sean Penn.


Watch Salma Hayek Go Apesh*t With A Machine Gun In The 'Everly' Trailer

'Everly' is a terrible name for an action film, BTW. There's a lot that looks good about Everly. It's an (Asian?) action film starring Salma Hayek in the vein of The Raid or Dredd, in which the protagonist is pretty much fighting like a video game character, advancing from one room or level to the next. That's all cool. Hayek plays a former prostitute turned informant who appears to have a mortal wound as she fights to get some cash for some unknown beneficiary. The country of origin isn't exactly clear from the trailer either. It looks American, with Asian actors, and subtitles. However, it's an American movie, though it hides the fact well, save for the cheesy one-liners. Anyway: Everly looks good and you should watch it when it comes out on February 27th.


Tom Cruise Comfortable Around Boobs In 'Rock Of Ages' Trailer

He's so chill with Russell Brand. The trailer for Adam Shankman's Rock of Ages is here and it has everything you'd expect. Big stars with terrible haircuts, hot babes, and your favorite '80's rock anthems made faaaabulooousssss. That's not to say that it looks bad. The whole thing is handled in a tongue-in-cheek way and the jokes hit exactly as they should. This is mostly thanks to Words with Friends champion, Alec Baldwin. He may not be a courteous flyer but the man can sell a vomit joke. Other notable standouts are Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Malin Akerman. Cruise because he nails the bored rock star part, Zeta-Jones because she chews the scenery as an uptight conservative protestor and Malin Akerman because you almost see her boobs.