Iceman was gay. There. I said it. Everyone likes Top Gun. Except the anonymous fighter pilots who flew on behalf of an indeterminate evil country, somewhere over the Indian Ocean...present day. However, Tom Cruise's couch jumping and general weirdness may have tainted one of the defining cinematic works of not only the 1980's, but maybe the entire Cold War. That's right. I'm lumping Top Gun in with The Godfather, Dr. Strangelove, and many other far better films. So, without Tom Cruise's pervasive taint, we offer the final dog fight of Top Gun, with Cruise Control intact. Oh, and it's homemade, or, as we like to call it, "artisanal."