9-Year-Old Tanzanian Boy The Next Leonard Maltin?

You've never heard the plot of 'Commando' described by a nine year old Tanzanian boy, right? If you have, your life is a lot more interesting than mine. If you've ever wanted to support a great charity and watch an adorable video at the same time, look no further. Kill two bird's with one stone by watching this video from Mama Hope's "Stop the Pity. Unlock the Potential" campaign. Watch 9 yr. old Alex recount the plot of the classic Schwarzenegger flick Commando. From memory. What did you do today? (Vulture)

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Beastie Boys ‘Fight For Your Right’ Trailer Is Cameos And Little Else

All of 2004's hottest stars are out to shine in this cameo parade! The trailer for Fight for Your Right Revisited is out, and pretty much the only purpose it serves is verifying that there are a metric shit ton of celebrity cameos in the 30-minute film. For a full list of the actors involved, click on our earlier coverage of the film here. Strangely, despite the presence of so many comic actors, no one here really appears to be that funny at all. Except for Will Arnett who drops one of his best G.O.B. lines. It might not be original, but I don't care. It's G.O.B. And I love him. No plot points are revealed here, as my suspicion is that no plot exists for this film, so have fun identifying celebs and wondering why the Beasties didn't want more girls in their video.


Nick Swanson To Strip For Charity

You're gay if you DON'T want to see this. That's just what I feel. In case Katy Perry, Al Pacino, Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey, Jack McBrayer, Bill O’Reilly, Amy Poehler, Seth Rogen, Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Sudeikis (who's banging Olivia Wilde, which puts him in a whole other realm of respect), Anderson Cooper, Jimmy Kimmel, and Julianne Moore weren't reason enough to turn in to Comedy Central's Night of Too Many Stars, there's one more name that puts the sum of all those others to shame. Yup. Ron Fuckin' Swanson. Nick Offerman. He'll be raising money for autism (against autism, actually) and for every $1,000 he receives, he'll get a little more naked. What's not to like? Charity, Nick Offerman, burly, mustachioed nudity. This program is shaping up to have it all.


Jon Stewart And Stephen Colbert Fight About Who's The Biggest 'Star Wars' Fan For Charity

"I take umbrage at that" "Give me back my umbrage!" It's always fun to watch our the Comedy Central news team (Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart) geek out, though Jon Stewart should know from Colbert's Tolkien rants that he's not to be trifled with. So enjoy them arguing about who likes Star Wars more. And if you don't care for the geekier things in life, there's still of plenty of comedy here to satisfy. And if you don't find their brand of humor funny – you're making this really difficult, by the way – you can do it for the UNICEF cause that feeds and aids children across the world. AND IF THAT DOESN'T DO IT FOR YOU...then you're beyond help my friend. Check out the video for information on how to give.


In This 'Pound Of Flesh' Clip, JCVD Tracks Down The People Who Stole His Organs

An organ-less Jean-Claude Van Damme taking to the streets is terrifying. Do you like Jean-Claude Van Damme? Nevermind. Just keep reading regardless of how you would have answered this. He's stepping out in a new, slightly less self-aware film called Pound of Flesh, in which the Belgian action star wakes up in the familiar tub full of ice, only to discover his kidney has been jacked. There's a wrinkle to this otherwise run-of-the-mill organ theft story: HIS DYING NIECE NEEDS THAT KIDNEY! They pissed off the wrong aging Belgian action star this time. Maybe he could just go down this route: (THR)


This VIdeo Shows 'Friends' Without The Jokes Is Pretty Damn Worthless

Probably not a huge surprise, but you can blow through an episode in three minutes without the jokes. Friends was a pretty funny sitcom. The characters were well defined, and there was a great balance between broad humor and character-specific jokes. However, if you lose the laughs, what's left? Not much of anything, it would seem. YouTube user Tunglebrek (?) snipped out the jokes from an episode of Friends ("The One with the Apothecary Table") and what we're left with is...not much. The plots, which seemed well-developed in context, now seem bizarrely one-note. On the plus side, if they had aired the show this was, audiences would have been abel to navigate an entire season in an hour or so. That's a plus. But then they'd have to go in to ER without having experienced all that levity. And that just would have been too much.


This Video Gives Us Our First Glimpse Of 'Spectre' The New Bond Film

it's gonna be snowy and mountainous. The producers of the next Bond, Spectre, have decided to whet our appetite with a little behind the scenes footage of the production shooting in Austria. It's hard to know what to make of the footage, but it looks very James Bond-y, so we don't need to worry about it straying too far from the formula. Speaking of which, this installment will continue to take us around the world, shooting in London, Rome, Mexico City, Tangier and Erfoud in addition to the Austrian Alps. I don't know where Erfoud is, but it sounds like it's teeming with bad guys. I hope James Bond is able to clean that place up a little. In case you are STILL concerned about the plot of the James Bond film not being very Bond-y, here's the logline for the new one: "A cryptic message from Bond’s past sends him on a trail to uncover a sinister organisation. While M battles political forces to keep the secret service alive, Bond peels back the layers of deceit to reveal the terrible truth behind Spectre." Yup. That sounds like a Bond film. (Deadline)


Someone Finally Made A 'Dark Knight Rises' Tribute Featuring Lots Of Sausages

Going from Tom Hardy to a sausage is pretty much a lateral move anyway. We've all wondered what Christopher Nolan's films would look like were they populated with a ton of encased meats (sausages, bologna loaves, frankfurters) instead of actors. Well, wonder no more as the good folks at Sausage Party have managed to give us some insight. Take a gander at The Dark Knight Rises made with effin' sausages. (Oh, and don't worry about spoilers. This thing is a shot-for-shot remake of the trailer.)


A Fun Shot-For-Shot Remake Of 'Top Gun'

Iceman was gay. There. I said it. Everyone likes Top Gun. Except the anonymous fighter pilots who flew on behalf of an indeterminate evil country, somewhere over the Indian Ocean...present day. However, Tom Cruise's couch jumping and general weirdness may have tainted one of the defining cinematic works of not only the 1980's, but maybe the entire Cold War. That's right. I'm lumping Top Gun in with The Godfather, Dr. Strangelove, and many other far better films. So, without Tom Cruise's pervasive taint, we offer the final dog fight of Top Gun, with Cruise Control intact. Oh, and it's homemade, or, as we like to call it, "artisanal."