Thursday, January 2 by

42nd Annual ‘New Years Rockin’ Eve’ Sounded Especially terrible This Year

We’re still in the dregs of the news cycle for the next couple days, so we’d like to take this lull to make fun of some stuff. Namely, The 42nd Annual Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest.

That’s a catchy name right there. The annual event was, of course, held in Times Square and celebrated both the ringing in of the new year and America’s lowest common denominator. How you ask? Well, in literally every facet of the production.

There was an obligatory Miley Cyrus appearance. They showed a special clip from Spider-Man 2, which we discuss here. Icona Pop did a medley which is funny because, with one popular song to their credit, that would be like Sixpense None The Richer doing a medley.

There was a running bit about who Jenny McCarthy would kiss at midnight. No one who has been vaccinated, that’s for damn sure.

Macklemore performed wearing a poncho. Ryan Seacrest talked about how cold it was. And, it wouldn’t be some stupid, ephemeral mass-marketed event without a Pitbull performance. So Pitbull was there doing whatever he does, which, as far as I can tell, is wear sunglasses and look date-rapey.

Oh, and Melissa Etheridge performed “Imagine” by John Lennon. Why? That’s the random sampling of crap that one can expect at this four-hour exercise in tedium.

However, let’s celebrate the fact that right now we’re 363 days away from the next one.

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