New 90210 Is Just Plain Horrible

Wow, the new 90210 is really bad. I mean REALLY bad. It does one of the things that bothers me the most about bad ‘funny’ writing:  it makes the assumption that a bunch of little jokes are going to add up to make something that’s funny as a whole. Furthermore, everything they do is borrowed from another show. You just can’t pick and chose from other titles and end up with a good product.

So since the show was really a cobbled together Frankenstein, sent to a tanning booth, given an Ipod filled with shitty music, and a training bra, I thought I would point out the styles they were biting. Here’s a short list of the ripped off predecessors.

1. They took the mom from Arrested Development and basically gave her the exact same character. Arrested Development is funny because the show wraps back on itself and has fucking genius plots. All the characters are amazing, and we are drawn to them. Not the case with this p.o.s.

2. They did all of the "around town party" scenes of Hollywood just like Entourage. Entourage is good because it’s every dude’s dream to have his choice of whatever piece of ass he wants in Hollywood. And Ari is hilarious. No dude dreams of going back to high school, except to bang chicks that would't let him touch them.

3. They try really hard to do the cutesy OC/Juno hipster bullshit with the dialogue and characters. It works for the OC and Juno because…wait. No those both annoyed the shit out of me. They just had decent soundtracks. 90210 has a terrible soundtrack.

4. They use a lot of the same characters from the old 90210 and mix them together with the new cast. They also use the same basic premise, which is basically a redo of the Beverly Hillbillies. It worked for the original 90210, not because it was a particularly good idea, but because I was 11 years old.

5. They took dramatic tension notes out of the playbook of After School Specials. Those worked because there was nothing else to see on TV, and they are fun to watch when you’re stoned. Otherwise nobody gives a shit about the dark haired theatre chick who takes the drugs.

6. The Fresh Prince of Bell Air. With the brother character. If you’ve watched it, you know what I mean. Don’t judge me. 

Most of the show is poorly written expositional dialogue. That means “people talk totally unlike real people because they need to fill in the audience who they assume are stupid products of the same shitty American education system that they are trying to tell a story that no one cares about.”  Except maybe 13 year old girls, who do care, and need some filling in. Because they go to public school and are stupid.

One of the main plot points for the premier is that a one of the girls turns in an older term paper that was written by someone else. I wonder if the writers and producers ever had a moment where they said, ”Wait…isn’t that exactly what we’re doing with this show?“ It’s painful irony folks.

So the overall is that this show redefines the word terrible, and I'm a just a little more out of touch since the ratings were so high. There is no way we would ever do recaps for it. We’re just letting you know that if you hear anything positive, it’s bullshit. And also, the lead chick looks like what Brittney would look like, but without all the meth. Still not worth it.  SKIP IT.