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Eric Cartman's 9 Most Evil Moments

POSTED BY | WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 8 AT 3:25 PDT 
TV Show Title: 
South Park

South Park is back for the second part of season 12 and it has reminded me of how much I love hating Eric Cartman. That little boy has done some truly messed up stuff and this is some of the worst. Or should I say best? Whatever.

9. Molesting Butters

Episode: "Cartman Sucks"
Sure, he's too young to understand the possible psychological effects getting abused in your sleep can have on a person, but he still knows that it's a dick thing to do. That doesn't stop him from putting cat crap on his best friend's face or sticking his wiener in his mouth. The kid is way above his pay grade when it comes to debauchery. You usually don't graduate to homoerotic pranks like that until sophomore year of college.

8. Ridiculing and eventually getting into a fistfight with a little person

Episode: "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson"
Eric makes fun of people all the time, but it takes some real bullying to get a tolerance coach to want to throw down on you. Watching Eric fight a little person (I'm afraid to say midget) is even funnier than watching Jimmy fight Timmy.

7.Almost bringing about the fall of humanity with his dirty mouth

Movie: South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
Eric's obscenity-laden outburst in Mr. Garrison's class sets into action a series of events that nearly results in Satan and his minions taking over the world and damning the human race to an eternity of torture and excruciating pain. Yes, that's still slightly better than giving Ben Affleck a hand job.

6. Giving Ben Affleck an HJ

Episode: "Fat Butt and Pancake Head"
Anything that gives pleasure to Ben Affleck is inherently evil. I'm just kidding, I don't actually hate the guy, but knowing that his animated avatar got it on with Cartman's hand is disturbing to say the least. That's why I've gone ahead and embedded the clip above.

5. Pretending he has tourrettes so he can say whatever he wants

Episode: "Le Petit Tourette"
Most people get their fix of yelling inappropriate and obscene things on the internet, but Cartman wanted to do it in real life so he pretended to have Tourette's. Anyone with the syndrome will tell you that it's a pretty terrible condition to have and that it makes really tough at times. They will also tell you, "Shit! Asshole!"

4. Commiting a hate crime against Token

Episode: "Cartman's Silly Hate Crime"
After a little altercation about who's going to win a sled race, Cartman hauls off and smashes Token in the face with a rock. It's not actually a hate crime since it had less to do with race and more to do with the fact that Cartman is an asshole, but hitting someone in the face with a rock is still a shitty thing to do.

3. Giving Kyle Aids

Episode: "Tonsil Trouble"
After accidentally being exposed to the HIV virus during a routine tonsillectomy, Cartman purposely infects Kyle so he's not alone in his pain. Not only is it messed up, but it's also illegal. Had Kyle gotten sick and died, he could've gotten a manslaughter or even murder charge. The situation also spawned a Jimmy Buffett concert. Yikes.

2. Making Scott Tenorman eat his own parents

Episode: "Scott Tenorman Must Die"
After feeding him a chili made from the meat of his own family, Cartman happily laps up Tenorman's "tears of unfathomable sadness." As far as I'm concerned, this is still the most disturbing thing ever to fall out of Tre Parker's wonderfully twisted brain.

1. Trying to become the next Hitler

Episode: "The Passion of the Jew" (Season 8)
Unless I'm writing about every show ever to appear on the History Channel, I don't even like putting the word Hitler on the site for fear of what it will show up next to in Google. But, if we're talking about messed up stuff, trying to reignite the ethnic cleansing of the Jewish people should, without a doubt, be at the top.

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No mention of his attempt to win the Special Olympics?

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 1:43 PDT 

"As far as I'm concerned, this is still the most disturbing thing ever to fall out of Tre Parker's wonderfully twisted brain" umm Shakespeare I believe covered this one in Titus Andronicus

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 2:14 PDT 

You missed him rallying all the Ginger kids to kidnap and kill all the normal kids so he wouldn't be a minority.

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 3:54 PDT 

it should be:
3. Trying to become the next Hitler
2. Giving Kyle Aids
1. Making Scott Tenorman eat his own parents

also, did you totally forget when he became a ginger kid and tried to rid south park of all normal children?? (that even has hitler undertones)

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 3:57 PDT 

What about playing Silence of the Lambs in the basement?

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 6:48 PDT 

The Scott Tenorman Must Die episode so should be first.

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 7:10 PDT 

How is killing Jews more evil than feeding a kid his own parents? I guess it depends on perspective... it can go either way...

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 7:34 PDT 

As a fellow ginger, I totally support the eradication of the non-gingers. That's why I couldn't consider it evil. I also thought about adding the episode where he tries to win the Special Olympics, but that episode always makes me laugh hard and then feel bad about myself. You could even say....I try not to think about it....

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 7:50 PDT 

I agree... the Scott Tenorman Must Die episode has to be the best!

POSTED BY Anonymous | THURSDAY OCTOBER 9 AT 8:29 PDT 

If you hadn't have capitalized Hitler I would have said, "Capitalize Hitler."

POSTED BY Anonymous | FRIDAY OCTOBER 10 AT 9:32 PDT 

Sorry, making him eat his own parents in the chili needs to be #1!

POSTED BY Anonymous | FRIDAY OCTOBER 10 AT 5:00 PDT 

I see this guys pshychotic behavior get worse each season.He won't stop until he has been commited to the assylem.

POSTED BY Anonymous | MONDAY OCTOBER 27 AT 6:55 PDT 

I grew up in Appalachia with a family with 3 brothers next door. They were all sort of retarded. They all 3 died young. I think onekilled the other brother. Their parents were said to be 1st cousins but I think by looking at their kids they might have been brother and sister.They did stuff like the South Park boys. One guy stuck his hand through the mail box and stold a social security check out of the box next to it. When he took it to the grocery store to cash it he was so dumb he signed his own real name to the check. The cops came and arrested him. They let him go a short time later because he was soft between the ears.These guys weren't just mentally retarded. They were that but in a sociopathic way...which reminds me of Eric.One was drowned by his brother after being bashed in the head,one died of aids,and one died of a methamphetamine overdose. If I mentioned their name I guarantee every law enforcement officer in southern West Virginia would know them....One of thems nickname was Jughead.If they liked you. They would litterally kill for you. They liked me. They liked my mom and dad....The rest of the place was scared of them.

POSTED BY Anonymous | WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 29 AT 1:38 PDT 

Ok. Award for Most Intense Comment Ever Posted On The Junkies. Congrats.

POSTED BY Max Powers | WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 29 AT 1:43 PDT 

it says evil moments,what so evil with try to win the olymmpis pretend being retarded or play a game in the basement..?

POSTED BY Anonymous | SUNDAY DECEMBER 7 AT 10:42 PST 

you forgot the time cartman wanted ten million dollars for his kidney

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POSTED BY Anonymous | MONDAY DECEMBER 15 AT 11:03 PST 

The worse episode for Cartman was when these two closet homos Parker & Stone decided that it was time for Cartman to get the crap beat out of him by none other that that whore Wendy. I mean come one, Cartman would never back away from this douche in a second but for some reason Stone & Parker made Cartman afraid of the upcoming fight. & not only that but sucking up to her to not fight and ultimately ending up becoming humuliated by her. This was the most disgraced and disgusted episode for the MAIN character in this show. Cartman is the show, but I do like Butters. Fuck Stone & Parker for not be genuine to Cartman's actual personna. I cannot watch this show knowing how Cartman was actually disgraced and defamed.

Cartman is not a PUSSY!!!!!

POSTED BY Anonymous | SATURDAY DECEMBER 20 AT 10:17 PST 

Stone and Parker suck!

POSTED BY Anonymous | MONDAY DECEMBER 29 AT 11:44 PST 

HE ITS JUST A SERIE!

POSTED BY Anonymous | SUNDAY MARCH 15 AT 8:28 PDT 

Not that it even matters because this article is so old, but the guy a couple comments above who claimed Carman is not a pussy doesn't know what he's talking about. Cartman has always been a pussy at heart - just because he does evil things doesn't make him NOT a pussy. He always hides behind a wall of some kind, and the second his personal livelihood or health is threatened he whines and bitches and complains and will do anything he can to make sure he doesn't get hurt, because he KNOWS that he's a pussy. Obviously this guy doesn't know Cartman as well as he thinks he does.

POSTED BY Thomas Anderson | SUNDAY MARCH 15 AT 9:16 PDT 

NO ONE TALKS BAD ABOUT JIMMY BUFFET!!! NO ONE.

POSTED BY Anonymous | FRIDAY MARCH 20 AT 9:55 PDT 

i think cartman is gay and he is in love with butters

POSTED BY Anonymous | TUESDAY MARCH 31 AT 4:24 PDT 

I think Thomas Anderson is a fucking donkey dick sucking paedo who fucks little children.

POSTED BY Anonymous | SATURDAY APRIL 11 AT 12:08 PDT 

Aficionado of Cartman. Yeah i agree Thomas Anderson does not know what he is spouting the fucking dick head. I hope he gets to eat his own parents.

POSTED BY Anonymous | SATURDAY APRIL 11 AT 12:10 PDT 

Es Ist Zeit fur Rache

Wir mussen Die Jew Ausrotten

POSTED BY Anonymous | MONDAY APRIL 13 AT 9:39 PDT 

Seen every episode at least twice. Cartman is a coward and a pussy. He's not a tough guy - sure, he can be mean as hell, and he'll even kill people to get his way, but that doesn't mean he's not still essentially a bully at heart. In "Something Wall-Mart this Way Comes" - when Kyle actually hit him toward the end of the episode, Cartman started crying and whining. Plus, he was an idiot and completely obvious about him betraying his friends. Also, how many episodes do you see him whining or crying to his mommy? A dozen at least. How is this kid NOT a pussy?

POSTED BY Thomas Anderson | WEDNESDAY JUNE 3 AT 2:13 PDT 

And might I point out that the reason Wendy beat up Cartman was because she was fighting for a cause and had a serious grudge with Cartman, whereas Cartman was just talking up a storm of shit like he normally does, never backing it up.

POSTED BY Thomas Anderson | WEDNESDAY JUNE 3 AT 2:16 PDT