The Vatican has planned a 139-hour bible reading marathon on Italian TV in hopes of making the church more cool. They are calling it “a sort of ‘Big Brother’ of the Holy Scriptures, but with really high cultural value.” Wow.

ROME — Pope Benedict XVI and Roberto Benigni kicked off a televised Bible-reading marathon Sunday night on Italo pubcaster RAI scheduled to last seven days and six nights and become the longest live TV broadcast in Italian history.

Having Roberto Begnini read to me for 139 hours is number seven on my list of horrible ways to be tortured. I love the idea of the Vatican sitting around trying to figure ways to make Catholicism interesting. And that what they come up with is to read the bible for 139 hours?  Isn’t that why…the church is so boring?  The only thing that has made the church remotely interesting in the past 1000 years was the whole kiddies rape thing.

Here’s a chart of the projected ratings for the telecast.

But seriously guys, don’t miss Saturday night because…yeah, YOU GUESSED IT! Vatican secretary of state, Cardinal Bertone will be reading the 22nd chapter of the "Book of Revelation!" FUCK YEAH. That’s WAY better than getting drunk and trying to have sex out of wedlock.  Oh wait, I can just DVR it.

Variety consoles the alter boy. Seriously, I have no idea why they would publish something like this.