‘True Blood’ Recap: Beautifully Broken S3E2

Monday, June 21 by

Previously on "True Blood," Sookie and Jess (who just murdered a truck driver) were looking for Bill, Sam was looking for his birth parents, Eric was looking to unload all his V, Jason was looking into his soul after murdering Eggs, and Bill was looking to get medieval on some werewolves (but not the cool kind). And that’s about it. Onto this week’s episode, "Beautifully Broken."

The episode opens with Bill having already kicked the asses of all the werewolves (for the most part). Seems as though you don’t even have to use silver to kill these werewolves. And they can change back-and-forth at will. So I’m not even sure why they’re werewolves.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP…

Bill’s facing off with the last one when a polo player shows up whom Bill greets as "Your Majesty." This must be the King of Mississippi. What a lame monarchy. Turns out the King asked the wolves to escort Bill to him, which they did a little over zealously. The King isn’t pleased at Bill’s shitty treatment and executes one of the two remaining wolves (who are back in man-mode). The leader (and sole survivor) of this pack of wolves is named Cooter. Can’t wait for the Duke Boys to come flying in in the General Lee, a-hootin’ and a-hollerin’. Bill hops up on the horse and the King and him ride off together.

We kick it over to Tara and Lafayette and Lafayette is (unfortunately) making her spit up all the pills she took. Tara’s annoying-ass mom comes storming in and starts throwing Jesus-bombs around but it’s not long before Lafayette picks up Tara, tells her mom to "get the fuck up out my way" and takes Tara to the hospital while her mom stands there and cries (annoyingly).

Over to Fangtasia, where Cagney and Lacey (Sookie and Jess) are presenting their evidence to Eric. He pretends to not know anything about werewolves and then caves extremely easily. Eric tells Sookie nothing at all interesting about werewolves and then tells her to be more careful as her life’s "too valuable to throw away." And then they share a silent moment.

Jess asks Pam in the lady’s room how to A.) not kill someone when you’re feeding on them and B.) what to do with a dead body just in case you do actually kill someone. Unfortunately they aren’t taking huge dumps while they have this exchange.

While Jess and Pam have they’re cute little student-teacher moment, Eric and Sookie are discussing the dangers of Sookie investigating the werewolves. I’m finding it very hard to be interested in this plot line at all when we know that Bill is totally fine and chilling with a King. After Sookie and Jess leave, Eric has a flashback to 1945 Germany. Eric and Godric (both apparently Nazi SS soldiers) are hunting a werewolf. They let an American GI be the bait before they drop down from the ceiling. Godric pins her to the wall and she reverts back to her hot, human self. She says that they’re on the same side but Eric disagrees and stabs her. End of flashback.

Bill arrives at the King’s mansion and his life-partner/boyfriend is more than excited to show Bill to the recently re-decorated guest room. The door’s made of silver, so apparently Bill’s kind of a prisoner though no one’s willing to admit it. We hear the King and his BF talking in the hall and the King says "I think we may have to bring in the girl." So mysterious.

Tara and Lafayette stop before getting to the hospital and Tara has a pity party (of course). Lafayette says there’s "something you need to see" and the drive off. So mysterious.

Sookie drops Jess off at Bill’s and Hoyt’s there to be all super nice. Unfortunately, Jess has a corpse problem so she gets Hoyt to leave so she can do whatever it is Pam told her to do.

Sookie heads home and Jason is there to help clean the place up. He reminds us that he’s one of the few likable characters on the show when he goes, "There’s werewolves? Shit. Bigfoot, is he real too? SANTA?" After a couple of hours of cleaning the house is absurdly clean, although Sookie quits wiping down the fridge while there’s still grime on it. A couple more swipes and she would have been done. The OCD in me screams.

While sleeping in his car, Sam’s brother Tommy sticks a shotgun in his face and invites him into the house that Sam’s been staking out. Southern hospitality. Tommy hollers (I think that’s the word they use) for his folks and Sam’s mom softens a bit when he tells her that they met 34 years ago.

Meanwhile, Sookie arrives at Merlotte’s and picks up on a werewolf’s thoughts when she drops her keys. I’ve totally forgotten that Sookie can do that. You’d think they’d have her over-hear more shit as it’s kind of a central plot point. The werewolf looks mean as shit, but he wants to kidnap Sookie quickly so he can get home in time for "Let’s Make a Deal." I’ll buy that there’s a world where vampires, shape-shifters, psychics, and werewolves all exist, but a world where "Let’s Make a Deal" is still shown on TV? Alan Ball, you are pushing it.

The mystery of what Lafayette wanted Tara to see is solved when they arrive at a mental hospital. Unfortunately they’re not there so Tara can be committed and turned into less of a bitch, they’re there to see a lady named Ruby. Ruby, it turns out, is Lafayette’s mom. And crazy, naturally.

Sam’s having a cozy reunion with his super-hick family. They seem nice enough. I guess. They left him with the Merlottes so he could have a better life. His mom and brother are both shifters. His dad is not but he thinks of what they can all do as a gift. Tommy storms out mad that he never knew he had a brother. Sam and Tommy talk about cars and then decide to go for a run together. Tommy casts a curious glance at what a nice dog Sam turns into. He turns into a pit bull.

At Bill’s house, Jess is on the phone looking to score a chainsaw. That was Pam’s advice? Chainsaw the body? Haven’t they been hiding/disposing bodies for hundreds of years? She also sprays a shitload of Lysol on the body. I can’t believe Lysol was down for that product placement. That’s ballsy.

After leaving to get a chainsaw, Jess returns to find the body missing. Uh oh.

Back with Bill and his gracious hosts. The King lets Bill in on his plan to marry the Queen of Louisiana, uniting the two states. He also wants Bill to become a Mississippi sheriff (of Area 2, the world’s only Cactus plantation. Huh?) in exchange for information on the Queen and her plans. Bill’s like, "she has plans?"

Sam and Tommy are on their jog when they’re almost hit by a car. Before he becomes road kill, Tommy turns into a bird and flies off. Sam dives out of the way and turns back to human. He throws a look back at Tommy flying off that’s either "How did you change so fast?" or "Were you trying to get me run over you little f*cking prick?"

Someone (a werewolf?) breaks into someone’s (Bill’s?) house and goes through their drawers until they find a hidden bottom that contains a lot of information on Sookie and her family. Her grandpa’s name is circled on a family tree along with hers. I’m guessing that she’s not the first Stackhouse with gifts.

Eric shows up at Sookie’s and we see more of his Nazi flashback. After stabbing the werewolf, Eric demands to know who her master is. She trades the information in exchange for some of his blood. Turns out her master was a vampire. She pins him to the ground with her tweeker strength. Luckily, Godric quickly snaps her neck and calls Eric a pussy (in more eloquent words) and then he dispenses some Jedi-wisdom. Also, it just turns out Godric and Eric were just posing as SS troops (whew.) to find and hunt some Nazi Werewolves powered by vampire blood. Which sounds pretty awesome (Werewolf women of the SS, anyone?).

A vampire shows up at Merlotte’s and has some small talk with Tara. He’s revealed to be the aforementioned mystery intruder when they pan down to show his boots (so the intruder wasn’t a werewolf and he must’ve been breaking into a vampire’s house since he wasn’t invited in). He ends up helping Tara kick the asses of a couple rednecks in the parking lot when they talk shit about Eggs.

While this is going down, Bill’s ex Lorena shows up at dinner and Bill immediately slings a lantern at her smug-ass face and she goes down engulfed, screaming. That’s what she gets!

As Bill’s former flame goes up in flames, we cut to Sookie and Eric, who’s discussion about the difficulties of a human/vampire marriage is ended abruptly when a werewolf shows up. Eric looks almost giddy as he goes fangs-out, the wolf snarls, Sookie fires her gun, and the episode ends.

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