Steven Spielberg Mercilessly Guns Down Triceratops, Receives a Tongue-Lashing From the Internet For Doing So

Friday, July 11 by
 

By Jared Jones

Being that this is 2014 and you have Facebook, you’ve likely heard by now about that Texas cheerleader who posted several photos of herself alongside endangered animals she had shot while on an African safari. Depending on how much of an animal lover you are, you might have even already started a Facebook page aimed at killing Ms. Jones in response to her little hunting trip, because the intricacies of Hammurabi’s Code were lost on you long ago.

In any case, Jay Branscomb attempted to poke fun at our cultural filleting of Ms. Jones earlier this week, posting the above photo of Steven Spielberg from the set of Jurassic Park to his Facebook page with the caption, “Disgraceful photo of recreational hunter happily posing next to a Triceratops he just slaughtered. Please share so the world can name and shame this despicable man.”

The Internet’s response was classic Internet:

First, a zoomed-in version of the header photo, in which one commenter claims that “I don’t care who [Spielberg] is, he should not have shot that animal.” A strong and well thought out criticism, for sure, but he loses points for leaping to the conclusion that Spielberg shot that Triceratops without photographic evidence of the rifle to confirm it. How is he so confident that Spielberg didn’t take down that creature which has been extinct for some 66 million years ago with a bowie knife, or a tripwire, or a gigantic bear trap? Otherwise, airtight argument.

Below, and strap yourself in for this one, we have the epitome of misplaced outrage.

If there’s one thing that all stupid people with access to the internet have in common, it’s the belief that an ellipsis and a period are interchangeable punctuation. Must….go……….faster…

But to Mr. Branscomb, I tip my cap and say Bravo. While you surely could not have predicted that your simple Facebook post would hold a mirror to society — a mirror which society would then run into thinking it was another society – your sense of humor remains a glowing beacon of hope in an otherwise dreary day of news. And for that, we thank you.

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