Charlie Sheen has more to say? You don’t say.
The Warlock was back Tuesday evening for episode #4 of his “Sheen’s Korner” web series. He gave his audience of 50,000 brave souls ‘n’ trolls what they wanted: craziness, somewhat higher production values, and more craziness. Sheen even called himself our “messiah.” Well, he is a godsend for bloggers, that’s for sure.
Here are a few highlights from the 16 minute solo show, featuring a cleaner-looking, though still crazy-talking Sheen. First, a summary of Sheen’s firing from “Two and a Half Men,” in Sheen’s words:
“What has occurred yes in fact is a completely and entirely illegal and unconscionable act. Or, to quote my lawyer, really shitty shitty suck suck.”
“Really shitty shitty suck suck” is legalese for “I’m Charlie Sheen’s lawyer and I’ve gone b-b-b-b-batshit crazy.”
“Now that I have your lazy f*cking attention, world, sit back and rejoice for the mouth of a messiah, the Count of Calabasas, the f*cking warlock of your jealous face sits before you, undigested hummus, trading real estate for this fire dance.”
Getting the people on his side. Good tactic.
Here’s Sheen deciding to take the high road and not insult former bosses and co-workers like CBS Chief Les Moonves and sitcom showrunner Chuck Lorre:
“Less Than Goonves. Part scoundrel. Part my hair to the side. ‘Screw Les,’ I proclaimed. Or better yet, screw more! You gave me your word, so in turn, you gave me nothing. It must really suck being your missus, the promise of getting something — yet receiving nothing. […] Sizzle! Losing! Bye!”
“Hiya, Chuckie Cheeseball. Where ya hiding, silly clown? Behind your narcissism? Your greed? Your hatred of yourself or women? […] I see you behind your desperate desire to be liked. ‘Forget love — that ship sailed when you were born,’ to use one of your stupid and unfunny jokes. Good luck with those tin cans, Shitbrain, in the mush mouth of some pathetic carcass you so arrogantly attempt to trade out for this warlock.”
Oh, and he also said this:
“Can slabs of jaundiced gorilla pelts fill the plates of those clowns and nabobs. Oh, how they once begged to attend my perfect banquet in the nude. Now they just beg for the keys to my gold.”
That kinda sounds like pirate talk. Do Pirates even fight trolls? I guess maybe if their ship approaches a bridge.