Sadly, Herman Cain Won’t Be On ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Next Season

Wednesday, February 15 by
He'll continue to dance in my dreams.  

Normally, we’re not in the habit of publishing developments that don’t happen, but this non-event is mostly interesting (and hilarious) because Herman Cain was asked by the producers of ABC hit Dancing with the Stars to get out their and shake his shit.

Unfortunately, Cain declined. According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Cain’s executive assistant offered up this little gem, playing to his 9-9-9 philosophy: “He can’t dance in an eight-count. He can only dance in a nine-count.”

Take as long as you need to compose yourself from all that laughter.

No reason was given for his refusal, but one can assume that because Herman Cain doesn’t have a huge stockpile of dignity behind him anymore, he should probably hoard every morsel, and that strategy doesn’t mesh will with appearing on dancing reality programs.

The show was reportedly eying Michelle Bachmann as well, though her camp hasn’t given a response on the matter. We wait with bated breath.

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