Who gives a twirling sh*t if Joanna Krupa can dance? I certainly don't. Hey ABC, get a pole up on that stage and watch your ratings skyrocket. Joanna is one of the sexiest woman alive, which is clearly evident by the aurora borealis of "daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!" above. No tap shoes required. A word from Joanna: "I get so sick of wearing lingerie for shoots that I don’t even go to Victoria’s Secret" Lingerie is overrated anyway. Nothing always works. Or bath bubbles. Personally, I prefer the Robocop brand of liquid suds. You have ten seconds to comply with the pics after the jump.
Dudes, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the final season of Lost is going to be c-blocked by the Winter Olympics. Also your mom and I are taking things to the next level.According to Carlton Cuse, Lost will take a break after the first few episodes while NBC airs the Winter Games. The show is expected to return in March.This news comes as a total bummer but on the brightside we won't care much anymore come March. We can get through this together, you guys. (IGN)
In her latest gig, Stana Katic plays the sultry, flirtacious Detective Kate Beckett in the Castle, giving Nathan Fillion a run for his money every week. Insert your own “frisking” joke here. Watch the show and I think you'll agree that there's something about her. Her commanding presence makes you want to willingly obey. A word from Stana: "It was my first time kissing a woman and I had a great time with her."Are you planning on doing this again? When? Will it be in an open forum? Do tickets go on sale soon? Can I buy them directly through the venue because I really hate paying exorbitant service charges. Here are some more pics after the jump, free of charge!
Ali Larter wore the whip cream bikini seen 'round the world. We all remember, and it's the only time we ever wished we were James Van Der Beek. Okay, maybe also in Dawson's Creek a few times when him and Katie Holmes got cozy, but that's it. Ali's starred in Heroes as Nicky since the show's beginning, but as of yet has not donned a whip cream bikini in any of the episodes. Hey Heroes producers, Sweeps is coming up soon. Wink wink. WINK! A word from Ali: "I hate pretty-looking boys. I'd rather have a guy with a potbelly than one who's in the gym all the time and watches what he eats."Hmmmm, somehow I doubt this. Ali recently got married and I'm almost positive the lucky guy doesn't resemble Artie Lange. No one wants that, Ali. No one.Evidence that someone's been going to the gym after the jump!
MSNBC mistakes Jesse Jackson for Al Sharpton – Watch more Funny VideosWell… kudos, I guess, to MSNBC's Contessa Brewer for not disappearing and leaving a Contessa Brewer-shaped cloud of dust after having the Reverend Jesse Jackson remind her that he is, in fact, not the Reverend Al Sharpton as she introduced him. Apparently MSNBC thinks all wise, elderly black reverends are named Rev. Al Sharpton. Or else they thought Al Sharpton was coming, and he cancelled at the last minute, leaving them with one choice: get "the other one." Then some poor intern forgot to change the script… and the rest pretty writes itself. Tune in to "Countdown" this evening, when Keith Olberman interviews star of the Lethal Weapon series, Forrest Whitaker.
Choreographer-turned-director Adam Shankman has been tapped to co-produce this year's Oscar telecast. The Hairspray director and So You Think You Can Dance judge will take the reins with movie executive Bill Mechanic. A fact my brosefs and I are way stoked about. I can imagine it now. A long game of touch football in the park, then a nice walk in the crisp winter air, quick stop-off for some tapas and then me and the bros will all curl up and see how the Shank-Man can butch up the Academy Awards. I mean, did you see Zac Efron's Pool Party? That was a machismo fiesta. Reminded me of my fraternity days. (Variety)
TMZ is reporting that David Hasselhoff is close to getting a reality show deal with A&E. Said an A&E representative to TMZ, "We are close to signing a deal with David and his kids." You may remember that not too long ago, David & family had a six-part reality miniseries that aired in the UK called "Meet the Hasselhoffs," in which they traveled around with UK Deejay Scott Mills. You can see a clip here:
Rose McGowan replaces people. She replaced Shannon Doherty on Charmed, replaced Robert Rodriguez's wife in life, and now is replacing Katee Sackhoff, Shaun's girlfriend, in Nip/Tuck. She also replaced her leg with a machine gun in Planet Terror, but that's neither here nor there. Finally she replaced my interest in her with disinterest when she had sex with Marilyn Manson. In a few years I have a feeling she'll need to replace her vagina. A word from Rose: "You know how often guys say, 'You smell just like a rose.' To which I say, 'You look just like a dipshit." It isn't very nice to rudely shoot down a fellow when he attempts to woo you. His pick up lines may suck, but he may have a good heart, or a Porsche. Stem the rose with some more pics after the jump!
Retarded Donut Man Speech – Watch more Funny Videos In case you missed Rosie O'Donnell going full retard over the weekend in the replay of Riding on the Bus with My Sister, don't fear. We have FlashForward's Courtney B. Vance embarrassing Special folks everywhere in the made-for-TV movie The Boys Next Door. In this scene, Courtney B. Vance plays a retarded character imagining himself as the real Courtney B. Vance addressing a courtroom full of people, only to then realize that the real Courtney B. Vance is just a figment of the actor Courtney B. Vance's retarded character's imagination. Oh god… this is so meta it's metarded. These links be fat with donuts: Awesome Cartoon Intros In Foreign Languages (HolyTaco) Dwight Schrute And Gilbert Arenas Hang Out (TotalProSports) 13 Bed Sheets That Are Cooler Than Yours (TheChive) Cats React To Twilight New Moon Trailer (FilmDrunk) 20 Funniest Animal Photobombs Of All Time (SuperTremendous) 5 "Best" Columbus Day Related Films (Pajiba) Jessica Alba's Wet Sex Scene (CelebJihad) Top 10 Val Kilmer Movie Roles (Unreality) The Best/Worst Professions To Date (Asylum) Road Trip To The Grove (BustedCoverage) 25 Examples Of Sad, Sad Kids Halloween Costumes (RegretfulMorning) Getting A Waitress To Go Home With You (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 51 (AllLeftTurns) Bar Clearing Brawl Ends In Gangsta Gunfight (NothingToxic) Blind Date With A Deep Throat (Atom)
Becki Newton plays Amanda on Ugly Betty, which starts its new season tonight on ABC. She's sassy, sexy, and seems to like to get wild underneath the sheets. Now this is all based on Amanda's character traits on the show, mind you, but it's comforting to assume that Becki herself also possesses these proclivities. Bad news is she's married. Booooo! At least one thing is evident in the picture above: Becki likes pearl necklaces. And this means only two things for her husband. He's doling out a ton of cash at Zales or, he's doling out a ton of…well you get how double entendres work. A word from Becki: "I make myself laugh all day long."Sounds like a serious debilitating disorder. If this laughter is involuntary you might want to run the problem by your physician. He could prescribe you some medication, or wrap you up in a straight jacket. Don't let the latter option deter you from seeking help.Here are some pics that'll keep you smiling all day long after the jump!
Alison Brie is pulling double duty this season, starring in two critically acclaimed shows. One is a compelling drama and the other a chuckle-loaded comedy. It must be quite a challenge transforming from Pete Campbell's doting wife on Mad Men to uptight college student Annie on Community. I wonder if she ever gets them mixed up? Does she ever arrive on Mad Men as her Annie character, giving her husband sass instead of a neat scotch? No, I imagine she'd get a slap across the face from Matthew Weiner for such insubordination. And if it were vice versa on the set of Community, you'd better believe Chevy Chase would berate her until tears rolled down from those big, blue eyes. We could hope it would all be in good fun, but back in the day Chevy used to make actresses cry for sport. A word from Alison: "When I was in college and growing up I was like, 'It's comedy for me! I'm so funny!'"Take it easy there, Alison. You've proven yourself as a dramatic actress, but we still haven't seen enough of the sitcom to be convinced of your comedic chops. Talk to the writers and see if they can work in some pratt falls and spit takes, and possibly a bottle of seltzer water. Then you're sure to get our vote.Check out more pics after the jump that are funny in a hot way!
Julie Bowen stars as Claire Dunphy on Modern Family, and she's basically the Marge to Ty Burrel's Homer Simpson character. Or the Lois to his Peter Griffin. Like those animated female woman, she is also sexy and savvy, but more importantly she's a tangible human being. You've probably seen Julie all over television. She always seems to light up the screen with her classic good looks and clear complexion. She has her early commercial work for Neutrogena to thank for that flawless skin. Has anyone ever looked more lovely splashing water on their face in slow motion? I think not. A word from Julie: "It's lived in perpetuity, that big frozen orb of dyed hair."Julie is referring to her role as Virginia Venit in Happy Gilmore. Sure, maybe her hair looks funny in it, but I think most of us were paying more attention to the sprinkler-soaked white teddy she wore and the two pitchers of beer she was holding. Ahhh… dream sequences. I'll drink to that. Here are some more pics to raise your glass to after the jump!
You might be admiring Stephanie Jacobsen's unique and compelling physical characteristics. I don't blame you for such admirations. Stephanie is part Portuguese and part Chinese-Norwegian-English. If you were ever wondering what those nationalities look like when you mix them all together and turn them into a female form now you know; they look hot. Stephanie is bringing some Portchinegianish flavor to the centrally located pool in the Melrose Place apartment complex this season as Lauren Yung. Let's just hope her beauty and brains can fend off the inevitable backstabbing bitchiness that comes with the swank territory. A word from Stephanie: "I had some problems after flying for 21 hours and rolling off a plane onto a set and then standing for 14 hours in those military boots."That's why you can't live in Australia, Stephanie. It takes too long to get to L.A., where all the movie magic happens. Plus your Battlestar Galactica military boots must be a complete nuisance at airport security. There's really no good way to explain futuristic footwear to the TSA. See more of what Portchinegianish looks like after the jump!
Hey there, non-believers! It's about that time of year again, time to reject someone else's reality and come up with your own! That is, if you buy into the whole "Mythbusters" tagline (which, we have to admit, is a pretty good one.) In the upcoming Fall '09 premiere of Discovery's mega-hit "Mythbusters" – airing Wednesday, October 7th at 9pm ET/PT – hosts Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage stir the scientific establishment's pot once again, and if any of the clips below are an indication, they'll cook up quite the batch of chili con carnage. The first clip challenges the theory that if you take two bullets and drop one from a certain height while shooting the other from a gun at that same height… that they'll hit the ground at the same time. Jamie? Adam? I REJECT YOUR REALITY!!!
Entourage had it's season finale last night, which means the gang has left us for at least another year. Alexis Dziena got a bad rap this past season playing E's girlfriend Ashley, and we're here to say we don't think she was all that bad. Sure, she's no Sloan, but there's really only one Emmanuelle Chriqui, and she's so smokin' hot it's hard to find an equal. People have compared her to the aliens in District 9, and we think that's just plain mean. Alexis doesn't have a hard outter shell or mouth feelers. She has fair skin, large, expressive eyes, and a prominent bone structure. Look again and we think you'll notice the natural beauty. A word from Alexis: "Come to me my precious…"You don't have to sound so needy, Alexis. We're bringing to light your positive attributes, and we're sure the rest of the world will soon jump on the Dziena bandwagon.See why Alexis has got the goods after the jump!
If you're a Joss Whedon fan I probably don't have to tell you that Julie Benz played Darla on Buffy The Vampire Slayer. She actually auditioned for the titilar character, but Sarah Michelle Gellar stole it from her! It seemed to turn out alright for everyone, though. Now you can see Julie as Dexter's new smokin' hot wife Rita on Dexter. She's oblivious that she's married to a serial killer, but she makes delicious meals everynight and still likes to please her man. I'll take it! A word from Julie: "There’s no such thing as overnight success. You have to work very hard every single day."Unless you're a socialite, like a certain heiress to the Hilton throne. Then you don't have to work at all. Actually, you don't have to do much of anything. Just say stupid things and "release" a sex tape. Alright, you caught me, I'm talking about myself, Ian (Hilton) Sobel. Here are some pics that don't work too hard to get their point across!
By now, you probably know that David Letterman was the victim of a blackmail scheme, in which a former employee threatened to release a screenplay that would reveal Dave had had sexual relations with women who were in his "Late Show" employ. And you may also be aware that Dave admitted to doing dirty deeds on his program. So what would happen if former President Bill Clinton came back to guest on Dave's show, after all the years of enduring the CBS funnyman's arsenal of Lewinski jokes? Probably this: Today's Marquee Links:Hot Crew Women of the NHL [Photos]Best. Hot Tub. Ever.
Genevieve Cortese is an accomplished stage actress who now stars as Tracy Stark in FlashForward. She went from performing Shakespeare to acting opposite Harold from Harold and Kumar. Not to diss John Cho, because he's one funny mofo, but I think we can all agree that Kal Penn, a.k.a. Kumar, is a lot more similar in likeness to Macbeth. First of all, Kal is Indian and Hamlet is Danish, so they're practically neighbors. Second of all, this argument is incoherent and offensive to masterpiece literature. It also has nothing to do with Genevieve, who, did I mention, is an accomplished stage actress? A word from Genevieve: "I'm a big tomboy and I like sports, but I'm also girly and I giggle a lot more."There's nothing wrong with giggling, Genevieve. Let those giggles out while you're hiking a pigskin or knocking a softball out of the park. Just as long as you're not giggling at me, who's most likely fumbling around in the outfield trying to fit in with the jocks. Oh how I suck at sports…Here are some pics after the jump that are secure in their athletic abilities!
Lindsay Price stars as sexy witch Joanna Frankel in Eastwick on ABC, an adaptation of the movie, which was an adaptation of the novel. Only one of these things has Jack Nicholson in them though, and it ain't the small screen version. Oh well, at least Lindsay is hot enough to make us curious how her character controls people's minds for her own benefit. It's really just a mystical form of playing hard to get. Me (if I were on the show): "I have no interest in what's under your tight, black pencil skirt." Joanna: "Yes you do." Me: "Eh, okay I'll take a look." (Mental high five). A word from Lindsay: "I never got the sex talk about the birds and the bees; my parents just sat us down in front of "The Blue Lagoon." What a confusing perspective you must have on the subject. Corral reefs and love don't usually fall into the equation of sexual intercourse. Pabst Blue Ribbon and boredom are more often the culprits. Oh how movies romanticize the mundane…Here are few pics that are anything but mundane after the jump!
Bizarre Japanese Sesame Street – Watch more Funny VideosJapan has long creeped us out with their advanced robotics and panty sharking but today BoingBoing posted a video that proved they have no intention of stopping their insanity. The above clip from Banana Street stars human versions of Bert and Ernie. I want to stress that human versions of Muppets win the Freaky Olympics hands down. It's as if the Grudge ghost and Pennywise the Clown boned and birthed these fraternal twin monsters. Knee-knocking fear has caused me to draw the string on my hoodie so tight that my field of vision is the size of a cat butt. Mourn the death of your inner child with these consolatory links… Honest Letters To One Night Stands (HolyTaco) USC Running Back in 'Critical But Stable' Condition (TotalProSports) Beware The Creepy Photobomber (TheChive) Mel Gibson Plays With His Beaver (FilmDrunk) 25 Awesome Futuristic Motorcycles (SuperTremendous) Five Once Great 80's Movies That Have Aged (Pajiba) Sophie Monk Needs To Adjust Her Bathing Suit (CelebJihad) Drink Sweet Candy Blood From A Blood Bag (Unreality) Should Wearing A Hitler Mustache Still Be Taboo? (Asylum) Dallas Stars Ice Girls Screen Caps (BustedCoverage) Turkeys Attack Mother And Her Little Boy (RegretfulMorning) 3 Key Ingredients For Bachelor Pads (MadeMan) Championship Probability Table (AllLeftTurns)
I could have chosen a sexier picture of Jillian Michaels, the host of NBC's The Biggest Loser, but I went with a humorous selection instead. The image above exemplifies how much of a bad ass Jillian is. If you don't lose weight, she'll literally climb on you and push you down into the ground until you reach the seventh circle of hell. It's a painful process, but nothing good comes easy. How else are you supposed to develop abnormal stomach muscles without the threat of damnation?A word from Jillian: "When I want to workout but am in that lazy mood, I just have sex."Insert slack-jawed picture of me here. Jillian is one of those women that you'd like to bang because there's a good chance she'd kill you in the process. It's the fear that's exciting. Make sure to have a contractor lined up though because you're definitely going to knock some holes in the walls.Stare slack-jawed at more pics of Jillian after the jump!
Anastasia Griffith stars as first responder paramedic Nancy Carnahan on Trauma, which premieres tonight on NBC. Let's hope this high-octane show full of car crashes and helicopter explosions can pull the network up from last place. With a paramedic like Anastasia running around giving everyone CPR it's got a good chance of raising people's blood pressure. Unless the victims are coughing up lung juice and stuff, because that's not very sexy, even if it's on the lips of a hot blue-eyed blonde. Remember, lung juice is never sexy.A word from Anastasia: "People have told me since, being an adult, that my brothers are fiercely protective of me."Hell, I'd be protective of you, too. Also, you can't hear it through the still images (hello, technology?!), but Anastasia's British, which means she's got a proper British accent that'll have you properly melting in her hands. Long live the Queen. Here are few more pics that would be even sexier with greeting card audio technology!
A fake viral in support of an upcoming episode of 'Entourage?' Yeah, probably. But Matt Damon, who's been open about his desire to direct one day, is a good sport for taking the piss out of himself in that role. Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven play along nicely, too. Real or fake, it's no small task to beat the original director-on-actor tongue lashing, courtesy of David O. Russell and Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabee's. Play us out, herr direktor!
Sonya Walger was Penny on Lost, or as her husband Desmond pronounced it, "Penne!" like the pasta. But she also was on Tell Me You Love Me, where her character gave a controversial rub and tug to Adam Scott's character. Some people say it was Brown Bunny-real, while others think it was Boogie Nights-fake. Either way, Sonya looks like she's got some skeeellz. Look for her tonight as Olivia Benford on the premiere of FlashForward on ABC. It's network though, so don't expect any happy endings (sexually speaking). A word from Sonya: "I don't watch TV!"Well that's not going to help the ratings of your new show any. Try taking a gander tonight. See how you do. We promise television is far more entertaining than listening to The Shadow program on the radio. Oh wait, radio dramas don't exist anymore because it's 2009!The pictures of Sonya after the jump though are timeless!
Sofia Vergara isn't too well known in the States, but in Colombia she's a goddess. And judging by her pic above you can see why. Sofia stars as Ed O'Neill's wife Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in Modern Family, which premieres tonight on ABC. I've seen it, and while it may not completely alleviate your Arrested Development withdrawal, it's as close as you're going to get to funny dysfunctional family situational comedy. Watch it, if only for Sofia, and to kill some time.A word from Sofia: "This is how I've looked since I was 13 years old."I think that makes you the reason they invented statutory rape.Here are some delightfully legal pics after the jump!
No relation to Leo, but impressive, none the less. Very impressive. Not much is known about Dominique except that shock jock Howard Stern apparently picked her to be the next "Miss Howard TV." She's even ahead of Megan Fox in search trends on Google. Yowza! Who knew we'd live to see this day. People are finally getting over Megan Fox. Looks like she might have to take that next big leap to keep her career alive. And of course I'm talking about gettin' nakey. A word from Dominique: No comment.Dominique is too new on the scene to say anything that we can blatantly take out of context, but I'm guessing you're not too interested in her deep insights anyway. You want to see more voluptuous curves, and you want to see them now, damnit.Well look no further than after the jump!
Praise the autumnal equinox! With the changing of the leaves comes the changing of television programming, and while the Summer heat made me unconscionably sweaty, this season's new lineup has all my glands wide open. So clear your DVR's queue to make room for my personal favorites this Fall. I'm guaranteeing a fantastic time indoors away from parents, women, and cyborgs (don't pretend like they're not out there among us). Enjoy the following! What it's about: Winning Emmys.
Christopher Walken Cooks a Chicken – Watch more Movie Trailers "The way your Dad looked at it, this Stove Top stuffing was your birthright. He'd be damned if anybody else was gonna put his greasy hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. This chicken. Forty-five long minutes, he had this stuffing up this chicken. Then when he had to run out to the grocery store, he gave me the chicken to put in the oven. I kept this chicken in the oven for fifteen more minutes. Then, after letting it sit, I placed it in this serving dish. And now, little man, I give the stuffing to you." These links belong on a gold watch, they do: How To Keep An Office Romance A Secret (HolyTaco) TPS Monday Afternoon Quarterback (TotalProSports) 23 Uber Sexy Oktoberfest Photos (TheChive) Twilight Has Doomed Us All (FilmDrunk) 61 Greatest Emmy Cleavage Photos (Manofest) 5 Best Shows Looked Over By Emmy (Pajiba) J. Love Hewitt Airbrushed Skinny (CelebJihad) Five Excellent Moments With Tarantino (Unreality) 91-Year-Old Man Defends Home With Revolver (Asylum) ESPN Hires Bikini Model To Drive Fans Nuts (BustedCoverage) A College Girl's First Walk Of Shame (RegretfulMorning) Hottest Emmy Winners Of '09 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Brian Vickers (AllLeftTurns) Asesinato In Mexican Subway Station (NothingToxic) Russell Brand Is Feeling Naughty (Atom)
You may remember Jennifer Morrison from the two minutes she spent playing Captain Kirk's mommy in this past Summer's (today's the first day of Fall!) little indie Star Trek. If you happened to miss her birthing scene because you were buying Sour Patch Kids, you can see her a lot more on House M.D., which premieres its 6th season tonight on FOX. It looks like her character Cameron is going to marry Chase this year, which is interesting because those two were engaged in real life and broke it off right before the marriage. Talk about conflict! Let's hope some of the awkwardness shines through on screen. A word from Jennifer: "This isn't technically the normal way that medicine works."Oh great! Thanks for pulling back the curtain and revealing all the smoke and mirrors behind the magic of television. You're such a party-pooper, Jennifer. …But I'd still play doctor with you. Here are a few more pics of Jennifer after the jump that won't poop your party!
Tonight, President Obama will visit the Late Show with David Letterman, and is set to be the only guest (sorry if you got bumped). This is his sixth time on the show, but the first time back since his election, and the speculation is that he'll be using this appearance to talk about the future of health care in America. So what exactly might be said during his hour on late night TV? We gave that a think over here at Screen Junkies, and in the grand tradition of Dave, came up with a Top Ten list of our own. So here it is, an entirely speculative list… Top Ten Things Obama Might Say on Letterman