Sons Of Anarchy returns to FX this Tuesday for its second season, and Maggie Siff returns along with it as the prodigal girlfriend Tara Knowles. You may also recognize Maggie as Rachel Menken from AMC's Mad Men. If you don't know her from either of these shows then you must have an aversion to awesome television. Try turning off those reality programs that cast serial killer bachelors and tune in to some intelligent, gripping serialized dramas that utilize important things such as…writers! A word from Maggie: "I think I fall into the camp of people who don’t feel safe about motorcycles." I don't even like when a motorcycle looks at me. Damn thing sends chills up my spine. That's probably because I imagine breaking my spine after I fly off of it and into a lamppost. Stay off of bikes, Maggie, and maintain that beautiful figure of yours, which we can see more of right after the jump!
Ever wonder nowadays whether the next commercial jet you fly on is going to get hijacked? If you have anxiety issues like me, this is the part where you turn your head, look out the window and gruffly whisper, "Every damn day…" Well, there's a show for people like us, or people who like being prepared. It's called "Surviving Disaster," and Season 2 premieres tonight on Spike @ 10pm ET/PT. Check out the clip below, where Navy SEAL/badass host Cade Courtley teaches us how to hog tie an airplane hijacker. How to hog tie a terrorist. – Watch more Funny Videos Who is this Courtley guy? He's like your own personal cheerleader for urban survival. He's like Bear Grylls, but useful. Face it; you're never going to get lost on a mountain. You're more likely to die from choking on a glazed donut. Or a bank heist gone awry. And guess what? Courtley covers bank heists this season. And earthquakes, and home invasions, fire, mall shootings, hurricanes and effin' nuclear attacks. And nuclear attacks are just like the world's giant glazed donuts. Silent. Deadly. And served by a Korean.
EDITOR'S NOTE: This isn't really written by LeVar Burton. But seeing as how so many of the people commenting are wondering, or are calling it defamatory, let us make it clear: LeVar Burton did NOT write this piece. It was meant to be a joke. Because the real LeVar Burton would never in his right f**king mind write something like this. If Mr. Burton doesn't like this piece, then we apologize. He has not contacted us requesting that we remove it. If he does request we do so, then we will out of respect. We love LeVar Burton. We also like reading, and hope that the "literary arts" stay strong for all time.
Chimp exposed to Magic Goes Apesh*t – Watch more Funny VideosIt turns out that after the age of ten you have to be a monkey to still find magic fascinating. The bandana-sporting simian in this clip is literally going apesh*t over these tricks, and it's so damn adorable! The constant slide whistle sounds and florescent squiggly lines don't hurt the effect either. David Copperfield, I believe you've met your match. Bring on the wind machines and erotic monkey assistants! Vegas can't wait for this act! [via Buzzfeed] Lauren Jones And A Pink Bikini (Gorillamask) 7 People Who Will Be In Your English 101 Class (Holytaco) Soul Train: The Movie: Electric Boogaloo (Filmdrunk) 25 Sexiest Celebrity Cowgirl Photos (Manofest) Rubik's Cube For The Blind (Walyou) The Five Scariest Movie Clowns (Pajiba) 15 Most Baffling Boasts In The Rap Game (Cracked) 12 Dumbest Convicted Athletes (Coedmagazine) Maxim's 12 Hottest Swimsuit Videos (Maxim) K. Fed Looks Pregnant And Yellow (Celebjihad) Ed Hardy Must Be Stopped (Mademan) Emelianenko Vs. Rogers For This Fall (Cagepotato) 15 Toughest NES Games Of All Time (Unreality) Stop Masturbating So Much (Regretfulmorning) Jason Biggs Attacked By Monkey (Asylum) Texas A&M Football Talent Show Is Quite Gay (Bustedcoverage) 2009 AFC West Preview (Moondogsports) Idiot Breaks Back After Bridge Jump (Nothingtoxic) A Different Sort Of Beer Goggles (Atomfilms) New 'Jennifer's Body' Poster And Featurette (Filmofilia)
The above clip from is just one of many pantaloon-crappingly funny japes pulled by amateur mountebanks on the new MTV show, "Pranked!" It's all part of MTV's new-look "Guy Block Thursdays," which debuts Thursday, August 27th at 9PM ET/PT. And "Pranked!" is but one of four programs designed to tickle your manly bone, which is different from an erection. They have pay-per-view and 99% of the internet for tickling that. Guy Block Thursday also includes three other shows:
Kate Mara popped up on Entourage this weekend as E's assistant, Brittany, and boy are we glad to have some new, fiery, red-haired blood pumping through that show. If there isn't a consensual tryst between those two gingers at some point then we're changing the channel. Managers and their assistants gotta bang. It's like Hollywood law. They GOTTA! A word from Kate: "I think I'm so normal. People relate to the regular-looking person." Kate, if you're regular-looking than we're downright circus freak material. Take a look at some more "regular-looking" pics of sexy Miss Mara after the jump!
Steven Seagal- Lawman- Coming Soon – Watch more Funny VideosThe gods have been kind to us today. Here we have a first look at the new A&E reality series Steven Seagal: Lawman. Now that he's run out of C-Level rappers to co-star with, Seagal has been moonlighting with a New Orleans Sheriff's Department between film roles. And this fall we get to go on a ride along. Although the show is probably heavily staged, it's still more exciting than the alternative idea they were tossing around, Steven Seagal: Catsitter. You can take these links to the bank. THE BLOOD BANK. Zach Galifianakis goes to Dinner with Schmucks. (Empire) Supernatural Season 5 preview. (Dread Central) Shuttah Island gets pushed bahck. (Reuters) 30 Rock pornocized. (TV Squad) The many hairstyles of Nic Cage: A Celebration. (Latino Review)
In these hard economic times, Hollywood is hurting. Movie actors are having to stoop to TV. TV regulars are being relegated to guest star spots. And guest stars are having to join the circus or something like that. Celebrities endorsing ads has become a great way of supplementing their paltry incomes so they can keep up the mortgage payments on their respective chalets. Just witness current It Girl Zooey Deschanel in this ad for Cotton™. Yes, now that the material has Zooey's approval, the Cotton industry has hope of surviving. So WHAT IF ad agencies 'round the world stopped caring even more and went crazy with celebrity endorsements? Well, maybe this (fake) sh*t:
The wait is almost over. Season 4 of Adult Swim's fan-f**kin-tastic "Venture Brothers"is back for another season of action, adventure, sex, hilarity and intentional themes of epic failure around every corner. Join Dr. Venture, Hank, Dean and (maybe) Brock Samson(unless he really quit the Ventures). If you haven't seen Team Venture in action, do yourself a favor and rent the past three seasons on DVD (Season 3 is available on Blu-Ray. You won't regret it. Seriously… about a hundred times more pop culture jokes than in Juno, only actually funny and somehow more credible. Here are today's IN-credible links! Jessica Canizales Doesn't Like Her Shirt On (Gorillamask) Thoughts On The Disappearing Russian Cargo Ship (Holytaco) Bootleg Avatar Trailer Exceeds Expectations (Filmdrunk) 10 Bustiest Page 3 Girls Of All time (Manofest) Brew Fresh Coffee For Two Weeks Straight (Walyou) 50 Funniest Scenes In The History Of Film (Pajiba) 27 Playboy Playmates Who Twitter (Coedmagazine) Offices And House Music Don't Mix (Sickpigs) Brett Favre's Playbook Doodles (Maxim) The Time Traveler's Awful Wife (Celebjihad) 13 Ways To Have A Threesome (Mademan) Wilks Likely For UFC 105 Against 'The Immortal" (Cagepotato) Saw VI Poster Is Weird Boxing Glove Hands (Unreality) Dissolving Bikini Offers So Many Possibilities (Asylum) Hooters Girls, Golf, And Mr. Belding (Bustedcoverage) Weird Gallery Of Creative Drinking Cans (Uncoached) 2009 AFC South Preview (Moondogsports) Horses Fly When Cars Hit Them (Nothingtoxic) The Shaman At Comic-Con (Atomfilms) The Fourth Kind Trailer And Pics (Filmofilia)
The spiciest season yet of Top Chef premieres tonight on Bravo, and we can't wait to see what kind of foodie antics host Padma Lakshmi doles out in Sin City. This could quite possibly be the season where a naked Quick Fire Challenge gets things all hot and sweaty in the kitchen. Sure, it's unsanitary, but a nude Padma bossing those eager chefs around is too appealing of an idea to worry about E. coli. A word from Padma: "In India, we like healthier, more voluptuous types."Amen, sister. You gotta have something to grab on to. Check out a few more pics of Padma and all of her voluptuousness after the jump!
Hey there, modern gentlemen of the 1960s! Have you heard what's all the rage in prime time entertainment fifty years from now? "Mad Men," that's what! Why, on Sunday, 8/17/2009 (last sunday for us future folk), the Season 3 premiere enjoyed 2.8 million viewers. And that's basic cable, friend! What's basic cable you ask? Why, it's something that the entertainment industry will invent years from your time to dump off all the hooey, the likes with which respectable sponsors like Mutual of Omaha would never dare associate!
Weeds has a variety of incredibly attractive women on it, but in comparison to other shows, it has the milf market cornered. Much is said about Mary-Louise Parker, but the unsung hot mom of the show is Elizabeth Perkins. Playing Celia Hodes, she nails the "raging bitch" role down pat, almost too well. It makes us hope her character experiences a softening-up that occurs as a result of her new relationship with an oddly juvenile co-worker, preferrably played by Tom Hanks. That, or we could all just watch Big again. Either way, she's still hot.A word from Elizabeth: "My sisters are very academically inclined so whenever they would fix me up, it would always be from someone in their world, people they would find attractive. When they came to the door in suits, it was over."Luckily, most of our readership don't own suits, so it seems like we have a shot! Check out more hot photos of Elizabeth after the jump!
CLEVELAND FROM FAMILY GUY – Watch more Funny VideosThe panel for the "The Family Guy" spinoff "The Cleveland Show" didn’t have as much hype as the panels that were premiering big movie trailers or had anything remotely to do with either Lost or Twilight. What it did bring, however, was laughs, and lots of them. Instead of rambling, the group of panelists, which included Seth Macfarlane, Mike Henry, Jamie Kennedy, and the rest of the principal cast, let the show speak for itself, showing an extended clip of the pilot and a clip of an episode airing in December…
I understand that there's a natural skepiticism when one is informed of a both funny and hot woman; theoretically, the two cannot exist together, as it defies all common logic. But make no mistake: Jessi Klein is both hot and funny. She's been doing standup and clip shows for quite some time, and is now not only writing, but acting as the show-within-a-show's producer, Marla, on "Michael And Michael Have Issues." Meanwhile, I'm still trying to hire a team of scientists that will tell me how she is biologically possible. A word from Jessi: "When I meet a guy for the first time, I have no problem with his eyes wandering south for a second to check out my rack—that’s when I steal a glance at the little slip of landscape peeking out from the collar of his shirt. Is it heavily forested, gently grassy, or just a desert-like stretch of flesh, with nary a hair in sight to provide shade?" What a very fair way to handle that situation. Check out some classy (meaning with clothing, because she respects herself) photos and some of Jessi's standup routine after the jump!
By 9am, the line outside Hall H for the LOST: THE FINAL SEASON panel with co-creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse was already 1000+ fans deep, and the presentation wasn't until 11am. But the 6000+ fans that eventually made it inside were in for a real treat. Cuse and Lindelof came armed with tons of clips and almost equal amounts of special guests, and didn't disappoint even the hardcores that had been camping outside the San Diego Convention Center's Hall H since the night before.
After a montage of some of the creators' favorite LOST-related fan films, Cuse and Lindelof showed the audience a very well done promo for a fake throwback show that supposedly aired in the 80s, and which covered the mysterious Dharma Initiative that is such a huge part of the LOST mythology:
This afternoon, Olivia Munn, Kevin Pereira, Blair Butler and producers behind G4's megahit ATTACK OF THE SHOW held court in Room 5AB of the San Diego Convention Center for a little over an hour. The line to get in looked like it went about half the length of the entire San Diego Convention Center, and we're willing to bet over 500 people had to be turned away in the end. Too bad. Everyone who did get in received a complimentary kazoo and glowstick (more on these later)Introducing the show was none other than Apple's "Steve Jobs," and we have his entire 4-minute address here. Fast forward to the end if you just want a glimpse of Ms. Munn stepping out to her adoring fans.
This trailer courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter makes the new season of DEXTER look simply amazing. The show picks up after Rita has given birth to Dexter's baby, so it spares us from the whole gross/miraculous labor thing that happens to women. Keith Carradine is back as Agent Lundy, and John Lithgow joins the cast as the "Trinity Killer," an infamous serial killer who's been killing in threes for decades. If Lithgow's half as good at being bad as he was in CLIFFHANGER than we're in for one heck of a season. Check out these killer morning links… Wanted 2 Is In The Works (JoBlo) New Moon Breakdown Offers Hope (Cinematical) Kick Ass Footage Of Kick Ass Explained (/Film) Town Manager's Porn Star Wife Gets Him Booted (FilmDrunk) Highlights From The Burn Notice Press Room (FutonCritic)
We've got breaking news straight from Comic-Con: they're serving Lou Diamond Phillips Flapjacks. You heard it here first, folks. Waitresses will STAND AND DELIVER you delicious, fluffy, Lou-cakes at Cafe Diem, a real version of the cafe from the Syfy show Eureka. And you even get your choice of gourmet syrups. The question is, what does Lou Diamond Phillips syrup taste like…Today's Top Links:Nicole Jackson Likes Grass And Sand Equally (GorillaMask)8 Cartoon Characters That Probably Have Syphilis (HolyTaco)Schwarzenegger Governs Commando Style (FilmDrunk)Bingo The Bee's Unfortunate Accident (Manofest)X-Men Vinyl Dolls Are Both Cuddly And Awesome (WalYou)Top 10 90's Soundtrack Songs. No Sike! (Pajiba)7 True Stories That Prove Airlines Hate You (Cracked)Google Is So Ignorant (SickPigs)The 210 Most Shameful Drunken Shamings (CoedMagazine) Walter Cronkite Meets Michael Jackson In Hell (CelebJihad)4 Foods Cooked Better With Beer (MadeMan)Wanderlei Silva's Manager Shoots Down Bisping Rumor (CagePotato)The Dirtiest Apartment Contest (Unrealitymag)Behind The Scenes On The Millenium Falcon (Asylum)Dexter McCluster Serenades A White Woman (BustedCoverage)Do Fun Things With Body Hair (Uncoached)6 People Who Will Ruin Your Summer Pool Experience (RegretfulMorning)Math Nerd Matchmaking (BachelorGuy)Chicks From Hungary Make Us Hungry For More (MoonDogSports)Officer Involved Shooting Equals Lots Of Bullets (NothingToxic)Go Old School With 8-Bit Nintendo Fun (AtomFilms)2 'Thirst' Clips (Filmofilia)
THREE SHEETS Season 4 Sizzle Reel – Watch more Movie TrailersThis Monday night, July 20th, "Three Sheets" returns to television @ 10pm ET/PT on Fine Living Network (FLN). It's the start of Season 4, and host Zane Lamprey – a name that sounds like it should belong to the coolest sea creature EVER – is still traveling the world, drinking copious amounts of local alcoholic beverages, and following it up with… more booze. Occasionally, he eats bizarre foods, too, but usually is turned off by the taste and must wash it down with… more booze. In the United States, this would be called a drinking problem. But where Zane goes, the locals call this "way better than those crappy pamphlets at the tourism office," so they just laugh and laugh… and keep the beer/wine/rat poison flowing. Actually, I should let you know that this show in no way endorses irresponsible drinking. Lamprey is a pro, and can drink anyone under the table without losing his visuo-spatial perception, basic motor skills, or logic. Why Nick Nolte has not signed onto the show as Lamprey's faithful sidekick, I have no idea.
Not too long ago, about 20% of Screen Junkies readers likened us to the antichrist for having omitted T.A.R.D.I.S. from our list of Movie Time Machines. For those of you not in the know, T.A.R.D.I.S. is the inter-dimensional traveling phone booth from "Dr. Who," and not an elite task force of idiots, as the acronym may seem. An even smaller number of you may be aware that "Dr. Who" has a spinoff, called "Torchwood," airing on BBC America for the past few years. It's actually a pretty cool show – sort of like an "X-Files" meets "Buffy" meets funny accents and bad teeth (it's primarily based in Cardiff, Wales). And next week, Captain Jack and the covert operatives from Torchwood are getting a five part miniseries, the first seven minutes of which you can watch above. "Torchwood: Children of Earth" premieres five nights straight starting on Monday, July 20, 9:00 – 10:15 p.m. ET/PT on BBC AMERICA. 'Ere ah today's top links, guv'nah! Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask) 5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco) Bruno Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk) The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou) Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba) 9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked) Asians Make Animal Cruelty Seem Hilarious (Sickpigs) A New Kind Of Green Beer (Coedmagazine) Jessica Simpson Has A New Man (Celebjihad) 10 Things Harry Potter Teaches Men About The Real World (Mademan) Where Are They Now? The Cast Of Die Hard (Unreality) Awesomely Manly Cakes (Asylum) 10 Incredibly Entertaining One-Punch Knockouts (Uncoached) When Should One Wear A Condom? (Regretfulmorning) Get Tapped At Home With The Newcastle Draught Keg (Bachelorguy) US Senator Wants BCS Investigated (Moondogsports)
The MLB All Star Game is on tonight, and what better way to prepare you for it (other than legitimate baseball news, which I for one know none of) than with a girl gallery of a moderately famous actress who has %$&*d dated a buncha baseball players. That's right, it's Alyssa Milano. She's been linked to Brad Penny, Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, and Russell Martin. Although it seems her days of pretending she's Susan Sarandon's character in Bull Durham are over (she's engaged to a CAA agent now… he probably repped a baseball player on some movie), her love for the game still goes on. She's recently released a book entitled Safe At Home: Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic. A word from Alyssa: "I used to sleep nude – until the earthquake."While we try to digest what that quote means, YOU should check out more hot photos of Alyssa after the jump!
There's nothing like a trip to the ball field in the summer. The roar of the crowd, the organist's familiar theme, and the crack of the bat — all events that invigorate our senses. In honor of tonight's 2009 MLB All-Star Game we sat down to discuss which baseball films had the greatest impact on us as people, nay Americans. It sparked heated debate and words were said that cannot be taken back (Patrick called me a f** so I had my manager sucker punch him), but despite the brouhaha we were able to pare down the list to include the true Home Run Kings. So please join us as we pay salute to our national pastime with this montage of cinema's greatest hits (and we threw one TV show in there because it's too good to pass up).
"Entourage" made its triumphant return last night, and with it came the return of the adorable Emmanuelle Chriqui. She took a long break from playing Sloan, Eric's smoking hot girlfriend – much to the dismay of every heterosexual male who watches it in hopes of seeing attractive women (the same ones who watch to hear Ari say something cool that they can co-opt for themselves). The producers and writers must've realized they were all morons for not featuring her on the show, and now she's back. All is right with the world (except the economy, of course).A word from Emmanuelle: "You know, "Entourage" is the biggest surprise of my career. It's never really been my dream to be on a TV series. But every pilot season, my agent wants me to do something. So this time I said, 'Okay, look, if I do television, I want to do an HBO show.'"It's no surprise you'll find hot photos of Emmanuelle after the jump.
Happy Saturday, junkies! If you haven't already read our weekend preview, you might have missed that Comedy Central ran episodes of both "The State" and "Stella" in the wee hours of the morning. They likely didn't run this: an NSFW short written and driected by, and starring David Wain, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter – a.k.a. Stella. It's my favorite of the "Stella Shorts," which preceded the Comedy Central show (a show which had Star Wars-level production value by comparison). Look for Moon and Iron Man 2's Sam Rockwell as a pizza delivery guy. With music by John Cougar Mellencamp.
I'll be honest; I haven't watched anything related to the WWE since 4th grade. I always felt that I needed a taste for Natty Light, trucker hats, and trailer homes to in order to fully appreciate the sport. And I had none of the those. But after scrambling to find a topical subject for today's girl gallery – and landing one – I now may be inclined to make a habit of WWE Friday Night Smackdown. Because there's always a chance that beautiful "Diva" Michelle McCool will show up. She's the current Divas World Champion, and, more importantly, used to be a 7th grade school teacher. I leave the immature schoolboy jokes to you.A word from Michelle: "I, like most of the other Divas, get this question often. Though the girls have done some absolutely beautiful, classy shoots with Playboy, it's not for me. For now, I'll be keeping my clothes on."Sh*t. Anway, check out some beautiful, classy photos of a scantily-clad Michelle after the jump!
By Patrick Schumacker
Hi there, fellow Junkies. After weeks of debate, late-night coffee runs, bruised egos and one pivotal coin flip, we've decided to bring back a daily dose of nightly TV recommendations. We haven't settled on a formula yet, so please bear with us as the way we deliver the goods will undoubtedly change more than Harry Knowles changes shirts (read: twice a week). And PLEASE, PLEASE give us constructive criticism in the comments section so that we can make this as entertaining and informative as possible. It's our way of giving back to the community while indirectly making people fatter so "Dance Your Ass Off" is never hurting for new contestants. Here's What to Watch:
Where You've Seen Her: If you are a man that has had a girlfriend within the past two or so years (or are just particularly interested in scandalous primetime soap operas), you've probably seen Leighton Meester on TV's "Gossip Girl." If you are a man that has had no girlfriend or affliction for girly shows recently, you might remember her as the smoking hot virgin pop star Justine Chapin on "Entourage." Soon most every guy will probably know her from her highly touted sex tape, which reportedly features her using her feet in creative ways. What a novel concept! A Word From Leighton: "I don't feel guilty at all if I'm just lying around, one of my best guilty pleasures is doing absolutely nothing"Check out a screenshot of the sex tape itself, and other hot (yet less seedy) photos of Leighton Meester after the jump:
The past week has been a tough one for celebrity grovelers like myself. First, Ed McMahon (sidekick of sidekicks) passes, then Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson, and perhaps the most surreal, Mr. “As Seen on TV” Billy Mays. Not to sound crass, but Farrah and Ed were quite past their primes and neither passed suddenly (Ed was old and Farrah had battled cancer for a long time). So really, it’s a race to who was the biggest Celebrity death:
There are times in recent years when I am not sure if I am watching the News or "Access Hollywood." The reporting is as equally superficial and shallow for both nowadays. Nancy O'Dell should be a news correspondent for FOX, CNN, or MSNBC; she looks the part and can clearly read a teleprompter as good as the other "women journalists" at these corporate news channels. Which one is Nancy O’Dell from "Access Hollywood" and which one is a "serious journalist?" I have no idea, either.