Recently Sesame Street's Elmo was having a really hard time falling asleep (you would too if you had a hand shoved up your poop-shoot). Luckily, the unbelievably famous Ricky Gervais broke into the young Muppet's bedroom to assist with a "Celebrity Lullaby." To coax Elmo off to Dreamland, Gervais decided to serenade him about the letter "N" and all the words you can spell with it. Words like, Nap, Nightcap, Nummies, and Naff off you insufferable little sh*t. Gervais doesn't come right out and say that but you can tell he wants to. Between this and their earlier insult-laden video, the tension between them is so thick. Hurry up and bang already, you two. Everyone knows you want it.
I have to admit I don't watch Saturday Night Live much these days, but I do enjoy me a hilarious digital short every now and then. I feel like the Andy Samberg shorts are on a totally different level than the rest of the show. His heightened and irreverent humor always shines through, and he seems to get away with a ton of sh*t that never succeeds in the live skits. The Twizzle Wizzle short below is no exception. Imagine if The Wiggles did on television what I'm sure they do when they go back to their homes every night. Forced happiness wears on a person…
Those who have long underestimated our TV Culinary Personalities had best to check themselves. It's widely known that Chef Julia Childs once killed a man via headbutt, and Rachel Ray… she just seems like she'd cut a bitch. Now, Martha Stewart has raised her street cred by baking with Snoop Dogg on yesterday's episode of Martha. Watch as Snoop Dizzle and M. Stizzle rap about the special ingredient missing from their brownies. Snoop Dogg will do anything to be on television. The countdown to his eventual Yo Gabba Gabba! appearance begins NOW. (via NY Mag)AUTHOR'S NOTE: Holy sh*t!!!
Jack Bauer Interrogates Santa Claus – Watch more Funny Videos It was only a matter of time before Jack Bauer demanded a sitdown with Santa. You can't expect to land on people's roofs all night and break into their homes without CTU getting a whiff of reindeer poop. But is it Jack who's naughty, Santa? Or is it you? Put that perplexing thought in your candycane pipe and smoke it.
Look what you're doing to Jack Bauer, Time Warner Cable and FOX! He's whimpering! You've made Mr. 24 himself whimper. For shaaaaaaame.FOX said today that due to a back and forth bitchfest with Time Warner Cable, customers may be unable to see FOX programming next year. That includes House, 24, and American Idol (if you care about singing competitions). According to The Hollywood Reporter:Fox said it has for the past nine months attempted to "negotiate in good faith" with Time Warner Cable, the No. 2 U.S. cable operator, which serves some 14 million customers, and said those talks are ongoing.But there is a "very likely possibility that Time Warner Cable may choose to no longer carry Fox Broadcasting, Fox Cable and Fox regional sports programing," Fox said.Time Warner Cable confirmed that the talks are ongoing but said Fox's current demands "are unreasonable and excessive, especially in this economic climate.""We hope Fox won't punish our customers by taking their programing away while we try to reach an agreement," said spokeswoman Maureen Huff.Hey Time Warner, how about YOU don't punish your customers by pulling the plug on my House stories that I look forward to every week? Nine months should be long enough for two entities to figure out who pisses better. Come up with a number, reach an agreement, and let's get this thing done. The world wants to see Ellen DeGeneres and Simon Cowell fight about the Idol contestants' sexual orientation this Spring!
Do you really need more than the headline to press play? Warming Glow found this ad for CrazyDomain and it features Pamela Anderson with another hot chick in bikinis covered in cream. For God's sake, hit play already!These links taste better with some cream on top.Flowchart to Determine if You've Been Naughty or Nice (HolyTaco) Fearless Photographer Snaps Drag Car Crash (TotalProSports) Behind the Scenes with Marissa Miller (TheChive) Hottest Bosses from Movies (Maxim) How Old Dogs Saved Christmas (FilmDrunk) 13 Amazing Caucasian Afros (SuperTremendous) 20 Best Films of the Aughts (Pajiba) Spicy Rihanna Pictures in GQ (CelebJihad) Shaun of the Dead Reunion Photoshoot (Unreality) Tiger Woods Syndrome is Making Wives Suspicious (Asylum) Emily Scott FHM Russia January 2010 (BustedCoverage) 5 Ways to Tip the Pizza Guy if You're Broke (RegretfulMorning) How to Win Any Board Game (MadeMan) This Man Sounds Like an Engine (AllLeftTurns)
Snookie, "The Situation", and Pauly D. from Jersey Shore played The Three Wise Men last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live in a reenactment of The Story of Christmas. It was clear from their performance that "The Situation" still has sick abs, Snookie can't pronounce words correctly, and camels have a taste for Messiah flesh. No one really cares about Pauly D. He should probably assault someone. Jersey Shore Performs the Story of Christmas – Watch more Funny Videos
Last night, Snookie and "The Situation" from MTV's the Jersey Shore were "guests" on The Tonight Show. I say guests with a twinge of sarcasm because it wouldn't be unlikely for the two emotional Guidos to crash the talk show, get pissed off that the deli meat tray in the green room didn't have any capicola, and then strut out to the couch to provide Conan with a nick name of his very own. Also, they talk about abdominal muscles.Use these links to work your core.7 Beers That Sound Expensive But Aren't (HolyTaco) Devin Harris Drops Jamario Moon (TotalProSports) Putting the Tail in Tailgating (TheChive) The Time James Cameron Almost Drowned (FilmDrunk) 8 Crappy Christmas Gifts You Wanted (Maxim) 10 Greatest Upskirt Moments in TV History (Manofest) Best Action Flicks of the Aughts (Pajiba) Kourtney Kardashian's Baby Enters Rehab (CelebJihad) The Evolution of Mario (Unreality) Two Dudes Who Have Actually Never Seen Porn (Asylum) Really Hot Italian Track Star/Model (BustedCoverage) Snowplow vs. Snowmen (RegretfulMorning) 5 Romantic Winter Getaways to Get Some (MadeMan) Rick Hendrick is the Godfather (AllLeftTurns) Enormous Chair Throwing Brawl Erupts (NothingToxic) Animated Christmas Specials Remixed (Atom)
We all assumed that the Lost series finale would be big but according to Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse it's going to be gimungo. Okay, they didn't use that exact term. Here's what they had to say:"Season 6 will consist of a two-hour season premiere, 13 episodes and a three-hour series finale that will air over two weeks."Is it really a finale if it splits over two weeks? It's more or less the same thing they've been doing every season. Man, season six hasn't even begun yet and they're already jerking us around. I'm so frustrated and feel like I learned to read hieroglyphics for nothing! (via Chicago Tribune)
FX rocks so hard. Almost every show on the network kicks serious ass. Of course there are a few duds, but compared to most networks (which cancel more shows than they keep) FX has a seriously impressive homerun average. Their new series Justified starring Timothy Olyphant looks like another edgy, dirty, whiskey-scented project to add to the roster. Here's the official synopsis: U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens is a modern day 19th century-style lawman, enforcing his brand of justice in a way that puts a target on his back with criminals and places him at odds with his bosses in the Marshal service. That conflict results in a reassignment for Givens to the U.S. District covering the town where he grew up. He is an anachronism – a tough, soft spoken gentleman who finds his quarry fascinating, but never gives an inch. Dig under his placid skin and you'll find an angry man who grew up hard in rural Kentucky, with an outlaw father, who knows a lot more about who he doesn't want to be than who he really is. Look at all that conflict! Not to mention, Walton Goggins, who played Shane on The Shield, stars as a church-bombing, redneck hick. It's the part he was born to play! Justified premieres in March on FX. Check out the preview after the jump.
Long hailed as the only attractive being on The Drew Carey Show and as the tough ex-wife of John C. McGinley's character on Scrubs, Christa Miller has won her way into America's heart, or at least Americans who watched those shows. She can now be seen as Courteney Cox's bitchy neighbor friend on Cougar Town, a show created by her husband Bill Lawrence.A word from Christa: "A modern mom is someone who can organize all the many, many elements of family life, career and marriage and have the stamina to keep it all going."Sing it, sister! And I assume sex is part of the whole marriage thing? Make sure you have enough stamina for that or else hubby get angry and smash things. Use the pics after the jump to keep your stamina up.
After being crowned Miss Panama (1995), Patricia De Leon's career started blossoming, getting breaks hosting Corte del Juez Franco on Azteca TV (a break?), and the Billboard Latino. From her work on Univision, Patricia snatched roles on American TV, including, Lincoln Heights, Cold Case, and Crossing Jordan. Now she's Ray Romano's dream girl on Men of a Certain Age. She's my dream girl in my dreams.A word from Patricia: "I'm Latina."I can see that. Thank you for being Latina, and a damn sexy one at that.Check out more pics of the Latina after the jump.
Thanks to the maximum abage in New Moon and ironic t-shirts, werewolves are so hot right now. MTV knows this and they're getting in on the trend with their bastardization reimagining of Teen Wolf. Now we have word of the show's casting. Tyler Posey, Tyler Hoechlin, Crystal Reed and Dylan O'Brien have been cast in the pilot written by Jeff Davis (Criminal Minds). Posey will play a high school dork who develops bizarre transformative powers after being attacked by a wolf. O'Brien is playing his best friend and Reed will play the hot piece barking for his bone. Seventh Heaven's Hoechlin is signed on to play a d*ckhead/evil werewolf. That's all well and good for them but what of Teen Wolf Pug? He should have nailed it in auditions.That's it, fatboy. I'm getting you into the gym. You clearly don't have the abs to be a star… yet. (THR)
Courtney Ford is one hot little number. She's been starring as reporter Christine in this season of Dexter, and she's been nakey a lot of the time. Niiiice. She's also married to Superman Brandon Routh, but I don't think anyone's intimated by that.A word from Courtney: "Oh my gosh, I hear theories every day!"Me too! Let's get together to discuss them. Drinks then dinner? Pick you up at 7? Lock Superman in a closet or something.
Bad news, nerdy guys. You won't have any new Flight of the Conchords songs to sing-along to in a failed effort to impress girls anytime soon. The New Zealand folk duo have announced that this past season of their HBO show will not be followed by a third. The show had grown too difficult to produce with the pressures of writing multiple original songs per episode. Though they are still expected to record albums, there is no word on when those may be released. So, sorry fellas. Looks like you're going to have to rely on Lonely Island to get you almost laid for the foreseeable future. (via Reuters)
Lost Season 5 Bloopers – Watch more Funny VideosThe LOST characters should spend less time joking around and more time figuring out why the f*ck they're on that island. The final season drops February 2nd on ABC. These links drop right now. Flowchart to Determine What Holiday to Celebrate (HolyTaco) Norwegian Goalie Makes Amazing Goal-Line Save (TotalProSports) Camouflage Can't Hide Stupidity (TheChive) 15 Freakishly Large Babies (SuperTremendous) I Want to F You With a Cobra (FilmDrunk) The Greatest Love Stories of the Aughts (Pajiba) Team Edward's Starting Left Tackle Injured (CelebJihad) A Literal A to Z List of CGI Movie Characters (Unreality) Cheech & Chong Blaze a New Trail (Asylum) Tennessee Using Tail to Attract Football Recruits? (BustedCoverage) Coffee That'll Wake You the F Up (RegretfulMorning) What Does Your Headache Mean? (MadeMan) Google Satellite and Sprint Cup Teams (AllLeftTurns) Russian Car Accident Turns to Fistfight (NothingToxic) Hanukkah is a Time for Sharing (Atom)
Bobby Bottleservice – Jersey Shore Audition Tape – watch more funny videosBobby Bottleservice (the hilarious Nick Kroll) is back, and he's trying to claim his rightful place in the inevitable second season of Jersey Shore on MTV. With Bobby B as one of the tenants, the house will be more Guidorrific than ever. He'll bring his hair gel, Cadillac, and sloppy grammar to the party, and the overly tan dwarf ladies will eat it up like a big plate of gabagoolooka (my made up Italian deli meat).
MTV's Jersey Shore is getting A LOT of negative attention, which is a shame because as I have stated on a few occasions that it is a solid show, an important show. In addition to numerous catchphrases they have now given us a piece of footage more compelling than the Zapruder Film. Watch in wild wonder as a drunken Seaside bar patron fist pumps directly into pint-sized castmember Snooki's face: Bada-bing. Bada-BOOM! That. Is. Horrifying. Did you see the absent look in the assailant's eyes? It's as if he was under mind control a la The Manchurian Candidate. Did Chris Brown install that Naked Gun chip in his brain? We would ask Snooki but she isn't slated to wake up until February. And it should be known that Screen Junkies doesn't advocate this kind of violence. If someone offends you, tell them to shut their stupid face. You don't hit. You punch with your words. Unless it's a douchebag. Then you rail on him.
Courteney Cox is 45 and still smokin' hot. There's something about dark hair and piercing blue eyes that makes me feel all funny in my nether regions. You can currently see Courteney playing the appropriate role of a cougar in Cougar Town on ABC. A word from Courteney: "I don't think I'm too thin at all. I understand when people say, 'Well your face gets gaunt."Don't listen to them, Cox! You're beau–hehehe. Cox…Check out more maturely hot pics after the jump.
Sarah Chalke was dubbed Second Becky on Roseanne, having replaced the first Becky several seasons in, but she's better known for her role as shrieky Dr. Elliot Reid on Scrubs. She's got a hot bod, but apparently she's all pregnant now. Laaaame. A word from Sarah: "I don't just play a slut on TV, I am a slut."Did I mention Sarah is pregnant?Check out some more slutty pics after the jump.
It’s that time of year again. We all get presents, eat a lot of candy and drink extra sugary Starbucks drinks. Most people might make a tradition out of the family friendly holiday specials that air this time of year. I prefer the more twisted ones. They’re not only more realistic, they’re just more fun. Here are the top 10 twisted holiday specials. If they’re not in annual rotation on TV, you can at least find them on DVD or online. The Simpsons: Roasting On An Open Fire
MTV's Jersey Shore premiered this past Thursday and has taken the world hostage in the subsequent days. In that time, Italian-American groups have cried foul over the series' stereotypical depiction of their race and, Domino's has backed out as a sponsor. Cast member Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is taking it all in stride and eating up the attention. Not since The White Rapper Show's John Brown, has a reality character sparked such a love him / hate him debate through sheer douchitude. Personally, I love the guy. Somebody hand him an excessively-tanned six-packed Emmy statuette immediately.Entertainment Weekly has a short interview with The Situation where he talks about his newfound fame, the show's backlash, and what it truly means to be a "guido." (EW)
Whole lot of shaking going on at NBC and more specifically Heroes. This past week we saw the killing off of Adrian Pasdar's character, heard the news that Sendhil Ramamurthy has been cast in a new pilot for the network, and the network itself merged with Comcast. Everyone is taking the departure of Ramamurthy and Pasdar as a sign that the show is canceled. ScreenJunkies reached out to an inside source at Heroes who confirmed these rumors as false.Our source tells us that Ramamurthy got a pilot and asked the writers to write him out. They obliged. Everyone loves Sendhil Ramamurthy and his character, but the truth is he didn't have a lot of screen time this season, and the writers felt they shouldn't stand in the way of the actor's future. Look for Mohinder Suresh to make his exeunt in an episode airing in late January.Our source further tells us that given that Heroes (and it's DVD sales) is huge all over the world, it's doubtful it will be canceled anytime soon. From a business standpoint, another season would bring the number of shows up to 100 which would position Heroes as a bona fide asset for future ancillary ventures. In fact, as The Hollywood Reporter pointed out, Comcast CEO Brian Roberts gave a verbal shout-out to Heroes on his phone call to investors after the merger went through yesterday. It's always a good thing to impress the new boss. That's why I wear tight t-shirts around the office. How you gonna hate on a guy who looks like Rambo pretty much with his shirt off?
I always knew Cookie Monster was meant for greater things, like a heavy metal German rock band that enjoys pyrotechnics.Don't. Don't hate. Don't hate these links.Flowchart to Determine If You Can Have a Mistress (HolyTaco) Hot Brazilian Bikini Roller Boxing (TotalProSports) Natalie Portman Photoshoot (TheChive) 10 Most Depressing 'My Life is Twilight' Entries (FilmDrunk) Five Best UK TV Shows of the Aughts (Pajiba) Rachel Uchitel Says She's Top Slut (CelebJihad) Gallery of Sweet Custom iPod Docks (Unreality) 7 Guys Who Lived Much Longer Than They Should Have (Asylum) All-Time Scariest Playboy Playmate (BustedCoverage) Nada Surf 'Popular' Cheerleader All Grown Up (RegretfulMorning) Maintain a Mistress Better Than Tiger (MadeMan) NASCAR Unveils New Video Site (AllLeftTurns)
Those lucky bastards in the UK have it all. Fantastic cuisine, excellent dental care, reasonably-sized ears, Australian layabouts, and now David Cross's hilarious Channel 4 sitcom The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. We've posted a clip (featuring Cross, Will Arnett, and Spike Jonze) below that sets up the premise of the series. Arnett plays an arrogant boss who spits out the grandest cuss-strings since Rip Torn. He mistakes Cross's Todd Margaret as a man of action and immediately trusts him to be his ambassador. Check out the NSFW clip: Did you like it? Did you like the noodles line?? Yeah, thought you would. Want to see more? Well, if you live in the UK you can watch the entire episode at this link. Lucky limey bastards…
2009 in Auto Tunes – Watch more Funny Videos The above video provides a hip, T-Pain-esque summary of this year we just all lived through together. On Tuesday December 8th, VH1 is bringing us 2009: That Really Happened?! In true VH1 fashion, the show will provide a look back at the year that subjected us to Jon & Kate Plus 8, Susan Boyle, Lady GaGa, Chris Brown (the fighter, not the lover), and many, many more things we wish we could erase from our memories. All topics will be delivered by a unique panel of journalists, comedians, and pop culture aficionados that always deliver a good skewing. Here are today's links. Oh Look! A Tiger Woods Flash Game! (HolyTaco) 20 Pics of Chicks That Will Kick Your Ass (TotalProSports) Celebrities and Their Most Famous Roles (TheChive) Wanna Hear Mickey Rourke Rap? (FilmDrunk) Time Lapse of Monster Worms and Sea Stars (SuperTremendous) Another 100 Great Quotes from The Wire (Pajiba) Tiger Woods' Mistress Releases Texts and Voicemail (CelebJihad) 20 Examples of Anime Gettin' Naughty (Unreality) 10 November Headlines That Should be TV Movies (AOL) Increase Your Chances of Getting Laid (Asylum) Jillian Beyor is Your New WWE Diva (BustedCoverage) Cute Russian Singer Falls Off Stage (RegretfulMorning) Older Women Vs. Younger Women (MadeMan) Real Diary of a NASCAR Driver (AllLeftTurns) Drunk Redneck Takes KO Plunge Off Swingset (NothingToxic) Teens, Booze, and a Hote Tub (Atom)
Kelly Carlson is best known for playing porn star/plastic surgery lover/Christian Troy addict/meth user Kimber Henry on the FX show Nip/Tuck. She's just one character and has been through all that crap. No wonder the show is FUBAR this season, they've jumped like twenty sharks! But damn if it doesn't entertain.A word from Kelly: "There are actual people that are in your house and I don't know who they are. They say something to me and it usually makes no sense, like, I picked an orange today…"There are ghost orange pickers in my house?! I knew it was a bad idea to build on an orchard/Indian buriel ground. Thank you, Psychic Kelly.Check out more pics of a brick sh*thouse after the jump.
Meredith Baxter, the actress who played Elyse Keaton on TV's Family Ties, revealed on this morning's Today Show broadcast that she is a lesbian. "I am a lesbian, and it was a later-in-life recognition," Baxter told Matt Lauer. After three failed marriages Baxter realized her attraction to women and has been in a few same sex relationships since. Baxter is currently in four-year relationship with a woman she met through friends. She had this to say about her partner, "Oh, It's like I started breathing on the night we kissed. And I can't remember what I ever did before. What would we do baby, without us? What would we dooo baby, without us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through. What would we do baby, without us? Sha la la la." And Matt Lauer kinda just sat there. See for yourself in the video below.
Jane Austen's regency classic Pride and Prejudice got an undead facelift last year with the remixed novelization Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The book's Twitter feed announced today that the tale is being adapted for the small screen as a six-part miniseries. No word yet on which network it will air, or on casting for that matter. Though I'd like to nominate Kiera Knightley. She's got the experience of playing Elizabeth Bennet and the physique of a zombie. Basically any role in this thing is hers for the taking. (via io9)
A&E launches the single greatest reality series about an aikido champion/actor turned cop this Wednesday with Steven Seagal: Lawman (aka Fat Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans). For those not in the know, Steven Seagal has volunteered with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department for the past 20 years. This show chronicles his main duties giving martial arts training to the officers as well as assisting with arrests. It's almost just like COPS, the only difference being the perps are arrested by the man on the poster they have framed in their living rooms. Have a look at an earlier preview or check out the brand new, extended preview below. I'm looking forward to the cliffhanger season finale when Seagal's rogue tactics require that he hand over his badge, never ending donut bowl, and gun.