I could have chosen a sexier picture of Jillian Michaels, the host of NBC's The Biggest Loser, but I went with a humorous selection instead. The image above exemplifies how much of a bad ass Jillian is. If you don't lose weight, she'll literally climb on you and push you down into the ground until you reach the seventh circle of hell. It's a painful process, but nothing good comes easy. How else are you supposed to develop abnormal stomach muscles without the threat of damnation?A word from Jillian: "When I want to workout but am in that lazy mood, I just have sex."Insert slack-jawed picture of me here. Jillian is one of those women that you'd like to bang because there's a good chance she'd kill you in the process. It's the fear that's exciting. Make sure to have a contractor lined up though because you're definitely going to knock some holes in the walls.Stare slack-jawed at more pics of Jillian after the jump!
Anastasia Griffith stars as first responder paramedic Nancy Carnahan on Trauma, which premieres tonight on NBC. Let's hope this high-octane show full of car crashes and helicopter explosions can pull the network up from last place. With a paramedic like Anastasia running around giving everyone CPR it's got a good chance of raising people's blood pressure. Unless the victims are coughing up lung juice and stuff, because that's not very sexy, even if it's on the lips of a hot blue-eyed blonde. Remember, lung juice is never sexy.A word from Anastasia: "People have told me since, being an adult, that my brothers are fiercely protective of me."Hell, I'd be protective of you, too. Also, you can't hear it through the still images (hello, technology?!), but Anastasia's British, which means she's got a proper British accent that'll have you properly melting in her hands. Long live the Queen. Here are few more pics that would be even sexier with greeting card audio technology!
A fake viral in support of an upcoming episode of 'Entourage?' Yeah, probably. But Matt Damon, who's been open about his desire to direct one day, is a good sport for taking the piss out of himself in that role. Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven play along nicely, too. Real or fake, it's no small task to beat the original director-on-actor tongue lashing, courtesy of David O. Russell and Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabee's. Play us out, herr direktor!
Sonya Walger was Penny on Lost, or as her husband Desmond pronounced it, "Penne!" like the pasta. But she also was on Tell Me You Love Me, where her character gave a controversial rub and tug to Adam Scott's character. Some people say it was Brown Bunny-real, while others think it was Boogie Nights-fake. Either way, Sonya looks like she's got some skeeellz. Look for her tonight as Olivia Benford on the premiere of FlashForward on ABC. It's network though, so don't expect any happy endings (sexually speaking). A word from Sonya: "I don't watch TV!"Well that's not going to help the ratings of your new show any. Try taking a gander tonight. See how you do. We promise television is far more entertaining than listening to The Shadow program on the radio. Oh wait, radio dramas don't exist anymore because it's 2009!The pictures of Sonya after the jump though are timeless!
Sofia Vergara isn't too well known in the States, but in Colombia she's a goddess. And judging by her pic above you can see why. Sofia stars as Ed O'Neill's wife Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in Modern Family, which premieres tonight on ABC. I've seen it, and while it may not completely alleviate your Arrested Development withdrawal, it's as close as you're going to get to funny dysfunctional family situational comedy. Watch it, if only for Sofia, and to kill some time.A word from Sofia: "This is how I've looked since I was 13 years old."I think that makes you the reason they invented statutory rape.Here are some delightfully legal pics after the jump!
No relation to Leo, but impressive, none the less. Very impressive. Not much is known about Dominique except that shock jock Howard Stern apparently picked her to be the next "Miss Howard TV." She's even ahead of Megan Fox in search trends on Google. Yowza! Who knew we'd live to see this day. People are finally getting over Megan Fox. Looks like she might have to take that next big leap to keep her career alive. And of course I'm talking about gettin' nakey. A word from Dominique: No comment.Dominique is too new on the scene to say anything that we can blatantly take out of context, but I'm guessing you're not too interested in her deep insights anyway. You want to see more voluptuous curves, and you want to see them now, damnit.Well look no further than after the jump!
Praise the autumnal equinox! With the changing of the leaves comes the changing of television programming, and while the Summer heat made me unconscionably sweaty, this season's new lineup has all my glands wide open. So clear your DVR's queue to make room for my personal favorites this Fall. I'm guaranteeing a fantastic time indoors away from parents, women, and cyborgs (don't pretend like they're not out there among us). Enjoy the following! What it's about: Winning Emmys.
Christopher Walken Cooks a Chicken – Watch more Movie Trailers "The way your Dad looked at it, this Stove Top stuffing was your birthright. He'd be damned if anybody else was gonna put his greasy hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. This chicken. Forty-five long minutes, he had this stuffing up this chicken. Then when he had to run out to the grocery store, he gave me the chicken to put in the oven. I kept this chicken in the oven for fifteen more minutes. Then, after letting it sit, I placed it in this serving dish. And now, little man, I give the stuffing to you." These links belong on a gold watch, they do: How To Keep An Office Romance A Secret (HolyTaco) TPS Monday Afternoon Quarterback (TotalProSports) 23 Uber Sexy Oktoberfest Photos (TheChive) Twilight Has Doomed Us All (FilmDrunk) 61 Greatest Emmy Cleavage Photos (Manofest) 5 Best Shows Looked Over By Emmy (Pajiba) J. Love Hewitt Airbrushed Skinny (CelebJihad) Five Excellent Moments With Tarantino (Unreality) 91-Year-Old Man Defends Home With Revolver (Asylum) ESPN Hires Bikini Model To Drive Fans Nuts (BustedCoverage) A College Girl's First Walk Of Shame (RegretfulMorning) Hottest Emmy Winners Of '09 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Brian Vickers (AllLeftTurns) Asesinato In Mexican Subway Station (NothingToxic) Russell Brand Is Feeling Naughty (Atom)
You may remember Jennifer Morrison from the two minutes she spent playing Captain Kirk's mommy in this past Summer's (today's the first day of Fall!) little indie Star Trek. If you happened to miss her birthing scene because you were buying Sour Patch Kids, you can see her a lot more on House M.D., which premieres its 6th season tonight on FOX. It looks like her character Cameron is going to marry Chase this year, which is interesting because those two were engaged in real life and broke it off right before the marriage. Talk about conflict! Let's hope some of the awkwardness shines through on screen. A word from Jennifer: "This isn't technically the normal way that medicine works."Oh great! Thanks for pulling back the curtain and revealing all the smoke and mirrors behind the magic of television. You're such a party-pooper, Jennifer. …But I'd still play doctor with you. Here are a few more pics of Jennifer after the jump that won't poop your party!
Tonight, President Obama will visit the Late Show with David Letterman, and is set to be the only guest (sorry if you got bumped). This is his sixth time on the show, but the first time back since his election, and the speculation is that he'll be using this appearance to talk about the future of health care in America. So what exactly might be said during his hour on late night TV? We gave that a think over here at Screen Junkies, and in the grand tradition of Dave, came up with a Top Ten list of our own. So here it is, an entirely speculative list… Top Ten Things Obama Might Say on Letterman
Neil Patrick Harris was the big winner last night at the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards. His hosting prowess tied together an abnormally great show, drawing this rave review from Jon Stewart, "These shows, we've all been to a lot of these, they usually suck. And you've been very good." Highlights from the night include Ricky Gervais dressing down The Office cast, a visit from Dr. Horrible, and some news that will have scifi geeks everywhere cheering — Michael Emerson finally won a statue for his portrayal of Ben on LOST. Here are the winners of the main categories. Full list and Dr. Horrible after the jump. Drama Series Mad Men Comedy Series 30 Rock Lead Actress, Drama Glenn Close, Damages Lead Actress, Comedy Toni Collette, United States of Tara Lead Actor, Comedy Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock Lead Actor, Drama Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad Supporting Actor, Drama Michael Emerson, LOST Supporting Actor, Comedy Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men Supporting Actress, Drama Cherry Jones, 24 Supporting Actress, Comedy Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies WWNPHD? He'd click these links… Dick Cook's Disney ousting saddens Tinseltown (First Showing) Curb is back! (Gunaxin)Jennifer's Body eats it at the box office (Latino Review) Fantastic Mr. Fox character one sheets (IMP Awards) What to expect on Dollhouse Season Two (TV Squad) CLICK TO SEE FULL LIST OF EMMY WINNERS
Let's just break the bad news right off the bat. Tiffany Dupont, who stars as Frannie Morgan in Greek, loves Christianity bunches and bunches. We're not saying there's anything wrong with being best friends with Jesus, but that likely means he's (He's?) putting the kibosh on sex until marriage, my friends. Damn! And I've got two strikes against me because A) we're not married and B) I'm as Jewish as the day (and the nose) is long. She'd bring me home to the folks and they'd probably throw holy water at me. Which would sting because on top of being Jewish I'm also a vampire. Awww that's THREE strikes! A word from Tiffany: "No, Mel Gibson was not involved."Yeah, that's what you think, Tiffany. But chances are he's pulling those strings from a secret laboratory in his Malibu mansion. Mel Gibson is always involved. Martin Riggs is probably even involved in these pics after the jump…
Gillian Jacobs stars as Britta in the new sitcom Community, which starts tonight on the network that took away five blocks of scripted drama time so they could give Jay Leno his own show because they were afraid of losing his massive chin. Anyway…the sexy blond plays opposite "Talk Soup" dude Joel McHale and, drum roll please…Chevy Chase! That's right, folks, he's back! I know this post is supposed to be about Gillian, but come on, Chevy Chase is back, and he's supposed to be funny again. NBC should give HIM his own show five nights a week. Oh wait, FOX already did that back in '93… A word from Gillian: "I was actually watching a rerun the other day, and I was like, ‘I recognize that place! I've seen that swing before!'"Ah yes, the swing. It brings back so many fond memories. Memories of never having anyone to push you on it because you're a poor, ugly little orphan who's addicted to smack. Thanks for ripping that one out of a deep, dark place, Gillian!Here's some pics after the jump that'll get you swingin'!
MTV has announced they are developing a spin-off to one of our favorite cult shows, Greg the Bunny. The new series, Warren the Ape, focuses on Greg's puppet counterpart Warren T. Ape DeMontague as he attempts to pick up the tattered shreds of his acting career. Failing to win any roles, DeMontague agrees to appear on a reality show as a last ditch effort. He's just like Trishelle. Both will do anything for attention and neither mind having fists stuffed up their butts. (THR) These morning links have been translated from Puppish to English… Nicolas Cage suddenly cares about character in his portrayals. (Cinema Blend)Scarlett Johansson needs a date for the Iron Man 2 premiere. (Superhero Hype)Red band I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell trailer. (Trailer Addict)Mark Millar teases Kick Ass 2. (/Film)Josh Olsen and Harlan Ellison will not read your f***ing script. (Cinematical)Jay Chandrasekhar holds a Shotgun Wedding. (Pajiba)Ray Wise is joining Dollhouse. (TV Squad)
Nina Dobrev stars as "Elena Gilbert" in the new show The Vampire Diaries, and guess what? Her character's in love with a vampire. Dammit, what is wrong with women?! Why do they find fanged bloodsuckers so damn attractive? Twilight, True Blood, and now intimate journal entries on the subject. Most of the girls I know don't even like hickeys on their necks, let alone pustulating fang punctures. Fine, go fall in love with your vampire, Nina. Take the ridiculous ratings that come with it. I'll cry salty tears like the mortal I am. Your new boyfriend is incapable of crying, you know. A word from Nina: "There is something about a man who lurks in the dark."Way to invite the stalkers, Nina. Like seriously, you can't say stuff like that because stalkers pay very close attention. Then they pop out the dark, naked; you run away screaming; they get arrested and testify that you…ASKED FOR IT. And they might have a case.Here's some more of what you're sure to ask for. Pics after the jump!
We here at Screen Junkies are aaaalllll about Gossip Girl. Big time. Like, completely into it.
Well would you get a load of those pearly whites… Dianna Agron has a smile that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Plus she can sing and dance (as evidenced by her character Quinn in the new show Glee). She's a singing, dancing, cheerleading, backstabbing wonder woman who just so happens to be 23 in real life. I'd take her overHayden Panettiere anyday. Hayden's character on Heroes may be able to heal herself, but what the hell is a healing factor when you can hit a high C note?! A word from Dianna: "I was really too ambitious for my own good." Well we've got a quote for you, Dianna. "Ruthless ambition leads to its own destruction." It comes from a little English rapper named Willy Shakes. Take a lesson from MacBeth and don't murder your way to the top. It never works out. Trust us… Here's some pics after the jump that aren't a felony!
Kanye's VMA outburst rules the headlines again this morning as the rapper apologized on last night's premiere of The Jay Leno Show. To his credit, West faced the music and didn't cancel his scheduled appearance. Though that may be due to the fact that he was on to perform with Jay-Z and to back out would have upset his camp. West did seem sincere and got emotional when Leno shamed him by asking what his deceased mother would think of his behavior. And then Kevin Eubanks just chuckled out of the blue. That guy laughs at the most innappropriate moments. He's like Dr. Hibbard with a guitar.We apologize in advance for these morning links…Beyonce visits Zoobilee Zoo. (TV Squad)Watch the pilot episode of HBO's Bored To Death. (/Film)Basterd takes over for Nic Cage. (Superhero Hype)Comedian joins Red Dawn. (First Showing)Toy Story 3 teaser poster is sparse. (Latino Review)
Ah, yes. The "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought…" function of an online store. It's a pretty darn incredible invention that works on multiple levels. On the one hand, stores like Amazon.com use it to get you to spend way more than you should. On the other hand, sometimes the "Also Bought…" function can be a very telling market research tool. Here are some TV on DVD box sets with overly truthful suggestions…
Jayma Mays stars as the germaphobic teacher Emma Pillsbury in the new musical/comedy show Glee, but her red locks aren't a stranger to primetime television. Jayma's appeard in House, Heroes, Pushing Daisies, Entourage, and my personal favorite, Six Feet Under, among many others. She's also brought her fiery good looks to the big screen in Red Eye, and, let's forget to mention, Paul Blart: Mall Cop. There, we forgot to mention it. Go back and look for her in all the things we didn't forget to mention. She won't be hard to spot. A word from Jayma: "Oh sh*t! A talking beaver!"Man, there are so many ways we could go with a joke pertaining to the aforementioned quote. And surprisingly enough, most of them are too dirty for this site. We just hope you don't take it out of context, like we've done here, because the last thing we want is to spread the rumor that Jayma has verbal private parts. Oooooooh now we've gone and done it!Check out some pics of Jayma after the jump with zero talking beavers in them!
Charo Covers Rihanna… Poorly. – Watch more Funny Videos The above video, from a recent Jerry Lewis telethon, features fifty-something pop icon Charo covering Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop The Music." I recommend watching it en todo, but if you want to get to the best part, fast forward to about 3:05 in the clip. There you'll find a mortified Jerry Lewis making a face he probably hasn't made since the lights went up after the first screening of his directorial debut, The Day the Clown Cried. That's the one about the circus clown working Auschwitz. ¡Ay dios miiiiioooo! Here are today's top links: 25 Most Dangerous Squirrels On Earth (HolyTaco) Breaking News: Brett Ratner Is Lazy (FilmDrunk) 10 Funniest Moments In Muppet Show History (SuperTremendous) Disney Finally Recognizes African Americans (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Sideboob Is Pedorific (CelebJihad) 10 Most Memorable Torture Scenes In Movies (Unreality) New NERF Tommy Gun Looks Like The Bee's Knees (Asylum) Show Me State's Hooters Bikini Car Wash (BustedCoverage) Paraglider Vs. Crowd Of Retards (RegretfulMorning) Monster Trucks Can Perform Backflips (TotalProSports) The USA's Ultimate Sandwiches (MadeMan) Best NASCAR Victory Celebrations (AllLeftTurns) Student Gets A Shovel To The Face (NothingToxic) The Shaman Takes A Trip To Burning Man (Atom)
Jessalyn Gilsig (one of the more interesting names I've ever typed) stars as Terri Schuester in Glee, premiering next Wednesday. Jessalyn is no stranger to TV, as it appears she's been in almost every show in the past ten years. Alright, not every show, but the list includes Nip/Tuck, Heroes, Friday Night Lights, CSI:NY, Law & Order, Prison Break, NYPD Blue, Boston Public, and The Practice. Damn Jessalyn, you've been bus-y. You must keep your trim figure running from set to set to set to set. A word from Jessalyn: "I'm proud that I can be single. I think it's good being alone." Oh so that's how you wanna play it? Alright, I can act aloof, too. Yeah, being single is awesome. I love not coming home to someone who cares for me and rubs my shoulders when I'm stressed. Frozen TV dinners rock my world, as my lonely tears drip into luke warm apple cobbler! At least there are pics of you after the jump to keep me company…
Taryn Manning is our second lovely Sons of Anarchy lady of the week, and we'd like to send out a special thanks to the show's casting director. Last season Taryn played Cherry, the Prospect's adoring girlfriend who wanted to be his 'ol lady more than anything else in the world. But she got herself into a bit of a pickle with the ATF and had to split Charming. We're hoping she returns to town this season and brings that sexy, raspy voice back with her. It's like the smooth, slow hum of the Harley I'm not cool enough to own. A word from Taryn: "The thing that makes me feel most alive is when I'm playing guitar and singing." The thing that makes us feel most alive is when we're looking at you wearing silky clothes that trace your silhouette in such a way that it teases us with the gloriousness hiding underneath. …While we're playing guitar. Looks like there's some inspiration for us after the jump!
Sons Of Anarchy returns to FX this Tuesday for its second season, and Maggie Siff returns along with it as the prodigal girlfriend Tara Knowles. You may also recognize Maggie as Rachel Menken from AMC's Mad Men. If you don't know her from either of these shows then you must have an aversion to awesome television. Try turning off those reality programs that cast serial killer bachelors and tune in to some intelligent, gripping serialized dramas that utilize important things such as…writers! A word from Maggie: "I think I fall into the camp of people who don’t feel safe about motorcycles." I don't even like when a motorcycle looks at me. Damn thing sends chills up my spine. That's probably because I imagine breaking my spine after I fly off of it and into a lamppost. Stay off of bikes, Maggie, and maintain that beautiful figure of yours, which we can see more of right after the jump!
Ever wonder nowadays whether the next commercial jet you fly on is going to get hijacked? If you have anxiety issues like me, this is the part where you turn your head, look out the window and gruffly whisper, "Every damn day…" Well, there's a show for people like us, or people who like being prepared. It's called "Surviving Disaster," and Season 2 premieres tonight on Spike @ 10pm ET/PT. Check out the clip below, where Navy SEAL/badass host Cade Courtley teaches us how to hog tie an airplane hijacker. How to hog tie a terrorist. – Watch more Funny Videos Who is this Courtley guy? He's like your own personal cheerleader for urban survival. He's like Bear Grylls, but useful. Face it; you're never going to get lost on a mountain. You're more likely to die from choking on a glazed donut. Or a bank heist gone awry. And guess what? Courtley covers bank heists this season. And earthquakes, and home invasions, fire, mall shootings, hurricanes and effin' nuclear attacks. And nuclear attacks are just like the world's giant glazed donuts. Silent. Deadly. And served by a Korean.
EDITOR'S NOTE: This isn't really written by LeVar Burton. But seeing as how so many of the people commenting are wondering, or are calling it defamatory, let us make it clear: LeVar Burton did NOT write this piece. It was meant to be a joke. Because the real LeVar Burton would never in his right f**king mind write something like this. If Mr. Burton doesn't like this piece, then we apologize. He has not contacted us requesting that we remove it. If he does request we do so, then we will out of respect. We love LeVar Burton. We also like reading, and hope that the "literary arts" stay strong for all time.
Chimp exposed to Magic Goes Apesh*t – Watch more Funny VideosIt turns out that after the age of ten you have to be a monkey to still find magic fascinating. The bandana-sporting simian in this clip is literally going apesh*t over these tricks, and it's so damn adorable! The constant slide whistle sounds and florescent squiggly lines don't hurt the effect either. David Copperfield, I believe you've met your match. Bring on the wind machines and erotic monkey assistants! Vegas can't wait for this act! [via Buzzfeed] Lauren Jones And A Pink Bikini (Gorillamask) 7 People Who Will Be In Your English 101 Class (Holytaco) Soul Train: The Movie: Electric Boogaloo (Filmdrunk) 25 Sexiest Celebrity Cowgirl Photos (Manofest) Rubik's Cube For The Blind (Walyou) The Five Scariest Movie Clowns (Pajiba) 15 Most Baffling Boasts In The Rap Game (Cracked) 12 Dumbest Convicted Athletes (Coedmagazine) Maxim's 12 Hottest Swimsuit Videos (Maxim) K. Fed Looks Pregnant And Yellow (Celebjihad) Ed Hardy Must Be Stopped (Mademan) Emelianenko Vs. Rogers For This Fall (Cagepotato) 15 Toughest NES Games Of All Time (Unreality) Stop Masturbating So Much (Regretfulmorning) Jason Biggs Attacked By Monkey (Asylum) Texas A&M Football Talent Show Is Quite Gay (Bustedcoverage) 2009 AFC West Preview (Moondogsports) Idiot Breaks Back After Bridge Jump (Nothingtoxic) A Different Sort Of Beer Goggles (Atomfilms) New 'Jennifer's Body' Poster And Featurette (Filmofilia)
The above clip from is just one of many pantaloon-crappingly funny japes pulled by amateur mountebanks on the new MTV show, "Pranked!" It's all part of MTV's new-look "Guy Block Thursdays," which debuts Thursday, August 27th at 9PM ET/PT. And "Pranked!" is but one of four programs designed to tickle your manly bone, which is different from an erection. They have pay-per-view and 99% of the internet for tickling that. Guy Block Thursday also includes three other shows:
Kate Mara popped up on Entourage this weekend as E's assistant, Brittany, and boy are we glad to have some new, fiery, red-haired blood pumping through that show. If there isn't a consensual tryst between those two gingers at some point then we're changing the channel. Managers and their assistants gotta bang. It's like Hollywood law. They GOTTA! A word from Kate: "I think I'm so normal. People relate to the regular-looking person." Kate, if you're regular-looking than we're downright circus freak material. Take a look at some more "regular-looking" pics of sexy Miss Mara after the jump!
Steven Seagal- Lawman- Coming Soon – Watch more Funny VideosThe gods have been kind to us today. Here we have a first look at the new A&E reality series Steven Seagal: Lawman. Now that he's run out of C-Level rappers to co-star with, Seagal has been moonlighting with a New Orleans Sheriff's Department between film roles. And this fall we get to go on a ride along. Although the show is probably heavily staged, it's still more exciting than the alternative idea they were tossing around, Steven Seagal: Catsitter. You can take these links to the bank. THE BLOOD BANK. Zach Galifianakis goes to Dinner with Schmucks. (Empire) Supernatural Season 5 preview. (Dread Central) Shuttah Island gets pushed bahck. (Reuters) 30 Rock pornocized. (TV Squad) The many hairstyles of Nic Cage: A Celebration. (Latino Review)