News - Page 67

David Fincher and Charlize Theron Team Up to Bring CBS Show to HBO
Thursday, January 28 by

Charlize Theron and David Fincher are teaming up to develop the book "Mind Hunter: Inside the FBI's Elite Serial Crime Unit," into a series for HBO. The show is shedding the marblemouth title and sticking with the more simplistic Mind Hunter. Not to be confused with Renny Harling's crap-terpiece Mind Hunters, starring Christian Slater and LL Cool J.The book, by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker, recounts Douglas's experience as a top FBI investigator of serial killers and rapists and his profiling techniques. So it's essentially an HBO version of CBS's Criminal Minds. The main difference being this version will have swears and no soap actors. This isn't a bad idea at all. Fincher and Theron both have proven track records, and there's no way this show will give any serial killers the edge in the War On Killing People. If there's one thing that movies have taught me, methodical serial killers HATE complex games of cat and mouse. It's right up there with sending menacing letters to newspapers on their list of dislikes. (Collider)

Conan Gets His ‘Justice’ at NBC
Wednesday, January 27 by

Conan is back at NBC. Kinda sorta. Less than a week after his last appearance as host of The Tonight Show, the network has picked up a pilot from his Conaco production company. The show, previously known as Justice, is an hour-long drama that revolves around a Supreme Court Justice who leaves Capitol Hill to start his own law practice. There's no word whether or not a big-chinned rival judge was the reason the protagonist jumped ship.I'm holding out hope that this goes to series and Masturbating Bear guest stars in an episode that centers around a public indecency case. That's the least you can do for us, NBC. (Variety)

Woman Faints on ‘The Price is Right’
Tuesday, January 26 by

Woman Faints On Price Is Right – Watch more Funny VideosI free trip to Minneapolis and a Ford can be overwhelming.This links might make you dizzy.25 Animals with Their Heads Stuck (HolyTaco)Marathon Winner Pukes at Finish Line (TotalProSports)An Awesome a Day Keeps the Doctor Away (TheChive)Jessica Alba Gets Victimized (Moviefone)11 Celeb Comic Books That Actually Exist (Maxim)Insane Clown Posse Made a Western (FilmDrunk)21 Amazing Unibrows (SuperTremendous)Dave and Leno the Early Years (Pajiba)AnnaLynne McCord Must Be Cold (CelebJihad)10 Badass Super Mario Track Mixes (Unreality)Latest Rumors on Apple iTablet (Asylum)Stages of Douchebaggery (RegretfulMorning)Luxury Custom Bedrooms (MadeMan)NASCAR Haiti Relief (AllLeftTurns)

‘Jersey Shore’ JWoww Naked Pics For Sale
Tuesday, January 26 by

File this one under: What Took So Long?RadarOnline.com has discovered that nude photos of Jersey Shore's JWoww are being shopped around to media outlets. The photos show JWoww (aka Jenni Farley), and those silicon bulbs attached to her chest, posing topless with a small wrap around her bottom. The photographer made the strange choice of shooting the pictures with moody lighting against a brownish backdrop. I'd have assumed that the pics would be taken in front of an Italian flag or that rustic wallpaper they have up at Olive Garden. Guess she's saving that for her Hustler spread. (RadarOnline)

“Weird Al” Yankovic to Take Over a TV Channel for Real This Time
Monday, January 25 by

"Weird Al" Yankovic has signed a production deal with Cartoon Network to broadcast anything he wants on the channel. First up will be a live-action feature film that will NOT star the parodist. According to "Weird", the network asked that the project star a young protagonist. That's a shame. Where will they ever find a youngster with the charm and good looks of "Weird Al" Yankovic? Besides McLovin, of course. I just hope Wheel of Fish is on the primetime schedule.  (Al's Blog via Coming Soon)

People Are Crazy: Worst Strip Club Commercial Ever
Monday, January 25 by

Worst Strip Club Commercial Ever – Watch more Funny VideosThe free lunch buffet doesn't make up for this horribly produced local commercial. If you want to sell the goods of a strip club may I suggest showing more of the girls sans a skeezy guy with a ponytail. Or at least give me some shots of the mac 'n cheese bubbling atop a Sterno flame. Mmmm, look at all that Hep C.

‘The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien’: ’09 – ’10
Friday, January 22 by

UNIVERSAL CITY – The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, spin-off of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, born June 1st, 2009. The show lowered the curtain and ended its run January 22nd, 2010, just seven months after its debut.O'Brien's Tonight Show proudly graced the airwaves until its ownership was recalled by hacky comedian Jay Leno, the show's slippery former host, much to the chagrin of many fans. The show found its groove and ratings-gold when the long-hectored host stood up to network brass and refused to move to a worse timeslot. O'Brien's monologues and sketches leading up to his final episode took NBC apart in spectacular fashion both sardonically and financially. The entire saga has been a PR nightmare for NBC, whose out-of-touch business tactics have redefined the term "screwing the pooch."The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien is survived by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and house band Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7, and remembered fondly by comedy fans below the age of 79. In lieu of flowers, please send a steaming pile to Jay Leno's offices.

‘Jersey Shore’ Audition Tapes Make Me Hate Ellis Island
Thursday, January 21 by

Leonardo da Vinci and Christopher Columbus can rest easy in their graves, as The Jersey Shore season finale airs tonight. I'd like to pretend the above video of the guido cast's auditions is a eulogy for the show, but I realize the world will have to endure several more years of the pop culture "phenomenon." Wouldn't you know it, the guys talk about bangin' chicks and the girls talk about gettin' banged by guys. Normally I don't mind ill-pronounced bangin' talk, but bangin' often leads to the proliferation of a species, and I'm pretty sure spawn from The Jersey Shore folks would signal the apocalypse. (AOL)

Conan Walks From NBC with $44 Million
Thursday, January 21 by

Conan O'Brien has redefined the term "fu@% you money." Hours ago, he finalized his exit deal with the network that will pay him $32.5 million, executive producer Jeff Ross $4.5 million, and his staff $8 million. On top of that, he convinced the network to cave on their mitigation clause, meaning he can set up shop elsewhere and keep NBC's payout. Ouch. No word on whether he'll be able to bring his characters.To make matters more costly for NBC, on last night's show he announced that for the remainder of the week he will introduce “new comedy bits that aren’t so much funny as they are crazy expensive.” Much like Evan Almighty. To kick things off, O'Brien "purchased" a Bugatti Veryon, the world's most expensive car, and dressed it like a mouse while pumping "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones. Not a funny bit (but still funnier than Leno) but a very costly bit. So costly in fact that NBC has yanked it from Hulu and NBC.com for fear of paying music royalties. Luckily I decided to forego a day's worth of my exorbitant blogger pay to bring the clip to you. Enjoy! (NY Times)

AMC Greenlights Pilot for Frank Darabont’s ‘The Walking Dead’
Thursday, January 21 by

AMC told the director of The Shawshank Redemption that it's okay to make his show about zombies! Yippee! Last August we reported that Frank Darabont sold a pitch to adapt the graphic novel The Walking Dead for the small screen, and now after writing the script he's gotten the go-ahead to direct the pilot. That doesn't mean it will necessarily become a series, but if you consider the fact that Darabont will most likely make a kick-ass pilot there's a pretty good chance we'll get to witness at least one full season.The story follows a group of people, led by a small-town Kentucky Police Officer named Rick Grimes, trying to survive in a world overrun by zombies. But unlike most zombie films, the books are more character centric.It's good they decided to focus on the people who aren't rotting. A series about folks bumping into each other and eating brains would get awfully tedious and most likely cancelled after one episode. (THR)

Will Ferrell will be Conan’s Last ‘Tonight Show’ Guest
Wednesday, January 20 by

Will Ferrell helped Conan O'Brien start his run on The Tonight Show, and now he's going to help him end it. Conan will be retiring from NBC this Friday night after calling the network home for seventeen years. When Ferrell appeared on Conan's first Tonight Show episode he was carried out on stage by Egyptian slaves. This time I'm hoping he carries out a box of Molotov cocktails and him and Conan go apeshit on that shiny new studio Jeff Zucker built him. Sure, audience members might be harmed in the process, but there's nothing like a few charred tourist corpses to get your point across.Here is Conan's final guest line-up:Wednesday, Jan. 20: Adam Sandler, Joel McHale and musical guest Joss Stone Thursday, Jan. 21: Robin Williams and musical guest Barry Manilow Friday, Jan. 22: Tom Hanks, Will FerrellTom Hanks is going to be there, too?! Oh man, that place would burn to the ground. (Movieline)

Call 976-SUDS Now
Tuesday, January 19 by

This commercial offers lonely housewives a chance to hear all the latest pre-recorded daytime TV news. Ladies can use this service when their husbands have torn the Soap Opera Digest by beating themselves to death with it.Hang up and dial 976-LINKS.25 Hot Trekkies (HolyTaco)Tennis Ball Boy Pees Himself (TotalProSports)More Hot Hotties of Facebook (TheChive)Crazy Heart vs. The Wrestler (Moviefone)Crazy Uncle Mel is Doing Vikings (FilmDrunk)That Hot Girl on TV During Football (Maxim)Post-Avatar Syndrome (SuperTremendous)100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time (Pajiba)Heidi Montag's New Plastic Surgery Face (CelebJihad)Battletoads 3D Has Arrived! (Unreality)Glow-in-the-Dark Bed Fit for an Avatard (Asylum)7 Unforgettable People You'll Meet at the Gym (RegretfulMorning)The NFL's Hottest Cheerleaders (MadeMan)Trick NASCAR Pool Shot (AllLeftTurns)

Bill & Sam are Gonna Makeout and Stuff on ‘True Blood’
Tuesday, January 19 by

You don't need to read my mind to see my boner. In True Blood's idiotic second season finale, Bill needed to save Sam by squirting him full of his magic vampire blood (SPOILER ALERT). Well, who knows who will be squirting what in the new season. Show creator Alan Ball tells Michael Ausiello that the vampire and shapeshifter now share "not just any connection, an erotic connection," as a result of the transfusion. Ball wouldn't disclose how erotic the scenes will be, but let's assume the monster-mashing is nestled somewhere near Van Helsing and New Moon on the Gay Monster Scale, or GSM as it's more commonly called. (Ausiello Files)

‘Castle’ Actress Alyssa Milano
Monday, January 18 by

Alyssa Milano was on Castle last week, and I needed an excuse to post an Alyssa Milano gallery. So there you have it. If you don't like it you can take it up with management. Management says shove off.A word from Alyssa: "I feel a lot healthier when I'm having sex." What do we have if we don't have our health? Be as healthy as possible, Alyssa. So so so SO healthy. Like 24/7 healthy. In all kinds of weird positions. Work toward a healthier you by checking out more pics after the jump.

NBC Wants Custody of Conan’s Masturbating Bear
Sunday, January 17 by

NBC and Conan are working out the details now for his exit from the network and The Tonight Show. It's now believed that NBC will not enforce the no-compete clause in his contract and allow him to set up shop at another network, but he won't be taking his recurring characters and sketches with him. Inside sources say that NBC is keeping trademarked elements of Conan's shows as part of the exit deal. Characters like Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, Vomiting Kermit, Coked-Up Werewolf, and Horny Manatee (why didn't he connect with old people?!) will never appear again nor will sketches such as If They Mated, In the Year 3000, and Desk-Driving. It's unclear if Robert Smigel's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is effected in this deal. I'm certainly looking forward to when Conan sets up elsewhere with a new slew of characters like Masturbating Deer, Pimpbot 6000, Sharting Kermit, and Coked-Up Werewolf Wearing Groucho Glasses. (THR)

Teaser for HBO’s ‘Boardwalk Empire’ Looks Like the Bee’s Knees
Thursday, January 14 by

Teaser for HBOs Boardwalk Empire – Watch more Funny VideosFresh off the teaser for HBO's series Treme, here's a tiny glimpse of Boardwalk Empire that's sure to get you addicted to Sunday night TV programming again. The show was adapted for televison by Terence Winter, an Emmy Award winning writer of The Sopranos, and the pilot was directed by none other than Martin Scorsese. The series chronicles the rise of New Jersey city in the 1920s, focusing specifically on Steve Buscemi's character Nucky Thompson, who historically ruled the boardwalk and its borders during the time of prohibition. Boardwalk Empire premieres on HBO this Fall. Be grateful for repeals and these links.25 Hardcore Pets (HolyTaco) World Cup Stab-Proof Vests On Sale Now! (TotalProSports) Hot Chicks in Jerseys (TheChive) Denzel's Venn Diagram (Maxim) CNN is Tardy to the Avatard Party (FilmDrunk) Rediscovering the Wilhelm Scream (Moviefone) Jimmy Fallon is the Winner of the Late Night Wars (Pajiba) Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez are Dating (CelebJihad) Most Memorable Fictional Drugs in Movies and TV (Unreality) Girls in Bikinis Doing Yoga on Your iPhone (Asylum) Pics of Nevaeh Eden and Guitar Hero (RegretfulMorning) How to Survive an Earthquake (MadeMan) Johnny Greaves Record Truck Jump (AllLeftTurns)

Jay Leno Takes Over Tonight Show. Where Will Conan End Up?
Thursday, January 14 by

"Aaaahhhh!!!! Jay's way better at this sucking up thing than I am!!!!"Elderly Americans may have a reason to celebrate and pound together their leathery, wrinkled, gnarled palms today. TMZ reported this afternoon that the ink is drying on a contract between NBC and Jay Leno for him to take back The Tonight Show. They report that Jay is in and the increasingly-disgruntled Conan O'Brien is out.HOWEVS, The Hollywood Reporter is Hollywood reporting that NBC denies any such contract exists. But what does NBC know and will there be a Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien much longer? Right now, that all depends on which news outlet you trust more; the one that carries an esteemed reputation or the one that posts pictures of dead celebrities. And if Conan is deposed, where will he go? Everyone's saying FOX and they do have an opening since The Magic Johnson Show was canceled, but Nikke Finke reports that Jeff Zucker has plans to "ice" O'Brien with a no-compete clause that would keep him off of any rival network "for 3 1/2 years."Story is developing and I will personally let all the old people in my family know what shakes out. For the meantime, they are to sit in their favorite chair and wear the Snuggie I sent them for Christmas. I'll alert you when it's time to assemble and do the wave.

Exclusive: Sacha Baron Cohen Visits ‘The Simpsons’ Plus Season Finale Spoilers
Thursday, January 14 by

The Simpsons just aired their 450th episode to celebrate 20 years of avoiding the network ax, but there’s still plenty more exciting things to come in Springfield. Al Jean, showrunner for 18 of the 20 years of The Simpsons (he only left to run The Critic for two short-lived seasons), told us about some exciting Simpsons events and guest stars coming up.“January 31st we have an episode where one of our fans created a character,” Jean said over drinks at the Fox party during the Television Critics Association winter press tour. “So that character debuts in that episode. Coming up we have Sarah Silverman in an episode. We have Sacha Baron Cohen playing an Israeli tour guide. We just recorded Jon Hamm today [Jan. 11] for an episode that airs in December.”More about the season finale after the jump.

Matt LeBlanc Auditions for Matt LeBlanc Role in Showtime Series ‘Episodes’
Wednesday, January 13 by

Matt LeBlanc Auditions for Episodes – Watch more Funny VideosIn the above clip, Matt LeBlanc has to swallow his pride and audition to play himself in the new Showtime sitcom Episodes. As if the task wasn't degrading enough, he shuffles in to a waiting room full of Joey look-a-likes who all want to land the same role. It's reasons like this why LeBlanc is going grey.  Episodes is about a successful British husband-and-wife comedy team who are lured by Hollywood to produce a new version of their hit series for a stateside audience. But they soon realize what the American execs have in store for their precious show – including replacing the erudite British lead with Matt LeBlanc. Check out today's imported links. Conan O'Brien's Next Job (HolyTaco) Amanda Seyfriend and Julianne Moore Make Out (Moviefone) School Pride + 9/11 = Fail (TotalProSports) 10 Best Animated Gifs of the Week (TheChive) Maxim.com's Hottest Blonds (Maxim) Japan Has Space Battleships Too! (FilmDrunk) 25 Great Moments in Brutal Honesty (Manofest) Spider-Man Reboots We'll Never See (Pajiba) Jay Leno to Bang Conan's Wife (CelebJihad) 10 TV Actors Who Need a Big Movie Break (Unreality) Prepare Your Eyes for the Upcoming 3D Onslaught (Asylum) FPS Gaming from a Female's POV (RegretfulMorning) How Your Girlfriend Ruined You (MadeMan) Racing Expos Connect Fans with NASCAR (AllLeftTurns) Dude Gets Mashed Up by Security in Lobby (NothingToxic) Check in with Doctor (Atom)

Hitler Weighs in on Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, NBC, and Carson Daly
Wednesday, January 13 by

Hitler Weighs in on the OBrien/Leno Controversy – Watch more Funny VideosIt was only a matter of time until the ruthless dictator made his opinion of The Tonight Show controversy known. He's clearly on Team O'Brien, and is infuriated that NBC ruined his vacation to sunny Southern California. It was going to be suck a nice weekend for Hitler in Los Angeles. He was so looking forward to sitting in The Tonight Show audience and giggling joyfully at Conan's floppy red hair. And now NEIN!

Late Night Disses NBC Big Time
Wednesday, January 13 by

Last night, late night television had a rip roaring good time ripping NBC a new asshole. Everyone is pretty amped up over the whole O'Brien/Leno debacle, and the hosts presented a unified front by expressing their disdain for the floundering network in their own special ways. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson, and even Conan himself didn't hold back. I've posted a couple of my favorite clips below from last night's roast of NBC. The first one shows Conan playing a game of Deal or No Deal with Howie Mandel in an effort to decide his future. The second is Jimmy Kimmel's monologue, where he decided to impersonate a certain big-chined "funny"man.

‘True Blood’ Back in Production Teaser
Tuesday, January 12 by

Alan Ball's HBO series True Blood is back in production, and they're letting everyone know with the above industrial video. I haven't seen that many bottles of blood since I rummaged through Angelina Jolie's jewelry drawer. (io9)Drink these links down real good-like.25 Eggs with Sharpie Faces (HolyTaco) Bubba Watson's Awesome Trick Golf Shot (TotalProSports) Hot Pics of Hot Jessica Chobot (TheChive) Mark McGwire's Guide to Hitting (Maxim) Check Out The Interactive Netflix Map (FilmDrunk) A Year in 120 Seconds (SuperTremendous) Ten Movie Couples Not to Have a Threesome With (Pajiba) Megan Fox Armani Underwear Pictures (CelebJihad) Fight Club Style Airline Manuels (Unreality) Consumer Reports Hates Your Snuggie (Asylum) The Answer to a Big Back Door Problem (RegretfulMorning) 10 Best Gadgets at CES (MadeMan) Cris Collinsworth NASCAR Fail (AllLeftTurns)

Tosh.0 Still Brings the Pain
Tuesday, January 12 by

Tosh.0 Still Brings the Pain – Watch more Funny VideosDaniel Tosh is back to bring you the best viral videos on the web, and even hunt down and interview the whackjobs who are the featured stars/victims/sad excuses for the gift of life. Tosh.0 is a show for folks who are restricted from surfing the Internet all day to look at footage that would make Darwin roll over in his grave, and for folks who just like the funny boiled down and brought to them on a silver platter. Check out the quick preview of Tosh.0 above, and then tune into the premiere of the second season Wednesday January 13th at 10:30 E/P on Comedy Central.

Conan O’Brien Gives NBC Two Big Middle Fingers. Bring on FOX!
Tuesday, January 12 by

And the fires from Heaven will rain down upon them, and only your chin will survive! Conan O'Brien is mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore. The current Tonight Show host has released a statement telling NBC they can go suck it, in so many words. He refuses to host the Tonight Show after Jay Leno, as he believes shifting timeslots would compromise the integrity of what he considers the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. It was NBC's plan to put Leno on at 11:35PM, followed by Conan at 12:05PM, but now that Conan is threatening to break his contract, the PeaCOCK is going to have to think again. FOX has made it more than clear that they think Conan would be a perfect fit at their prosperous network. No formal offers have been made yet, but inside sources say one is extremely likely in the near future. I imagine now that Conan has told NBC what's what, FOX is gathering its gaggle of lawyers together as I type this.Check out Conan's press release in its entirety after the jump.

Exclusive: Joshua Gomez Reveals Classified ‘Chuck’ Season 3 Intel
Monday, January 11 by

Chuck fans got their wish for a third season, which premiered last night on NBC. Chuck’s got all his superspy stuff going on with Intersect 2.0 and his stunted romance with Sarah. We also saw Morgan return from Hawaii, single, and move in with Chuck. Joshua Gomez, who plays Morgan, told Screen Junkies that’ll give you a sense of where the rest of this third season is going. “My friendship with Chuck kind of comes back together and we kind of rely on each other a lot again and become roomies, finally become roommates and become a full on bromance,” Gomez said. “There’s big things at the store as far as Morgan is concerned, takes on a higher position. It’s some good stuff.”Morgan is there to help Chuck through the emotional times, but earning a promotion at the Buy More gives Morgan problems of his own. “He is no Emmet Milbarge, so the natives get a little restless because I don't think I’m tough enough,” Gomez said. “I think they’re one of me. I can level with them, I can communicate with them. I speak their language.”Read more from Joshua after the jump.

Instruments Litter the Streets in HBO’s ‘Treme’ Teaser
Monday, January 11 by

A perfectly good cello leans up against a porch support in the teaser for HBO's new series Treme. The cello is one of several sad, ownerless instruments featured in the tour of the New Orleans neighborhood in which the series is set. Treme, from The Wire creator (start creaming your jeans) David Simon, will examine New Orleans in much the same way The Wire examined Baltimore. Treme specifically focuses on the musicians living in the titular neighborhood. Check out the trailer below, and please make a donation if you can to provide a loving home for all the stray instruments. The trumpets are the first to be put down. HBO Series Treme Teaser – Watch more Funny Videos(via HBO)

David Goyer says ‘FlashForward’ Will Move Story Forward; ‘Magneto’ Still Alive
Friday, January 8 by

That compelling storyline is comin' right for us!If you've been devotedly watching FlashForward recently and wishing there wasn't so much lag time in between the juicy, brain-wrinkling turn of events, then get ready to be happy. Screen Junkies got the opportunity to sit down with the show's creator and executive producer David Goyer, and he told us FlashForward is cramming a ton more story into season one than was originally intended:By the end of the season we will have burned through what I think I was originally thinking would be the first two seasons. One thing that we’ve done is we’ve moved things forward. We certainly are responding to some of the fans saying, “Are we not moving fast enough?” So we’ve kind of been given the opportunity now to answer a lot more questions and move faster. I will say that starting with our first two hour, we answer a ton. Answers are so much less infuriating than more questions. Steeped in so much mystery, the show was starting to become as frustrating as trying to figure out where to go to dinner with a girlfriend. "I want to go wherever you want to go. Well I want to go wherever YOU want to go. That's it! We're boiling hot dogs and drinking boxed wine."David Goyer also talked about the development of his current feature projects, including the origin story of X-Men baddie Magneto. He wouldn't give up much, but when asked if Magneto was still in the works, Goyer responded, "Yes."So there you have it, folks. Magneto is definitely maybe going to be hitting theaters sometime soon/never. Let's just hope Ian McKellen is still alive to see the premiere. Celebs are droppin' like flies these days. Don't you give me the stink eye, McKellen.(Source: Fred Topel)

NBC Tells Conan O’Brien Take What We Give You, or Screw
Friday, January 8 by

As ordered by NBC, Leno administers the two-fingered enema.The gloves are off in the NBC/Leno/O'Brien debacle! Yesterday we reported that Leno might be replacing Conan on The Tonight Show, and now today we've learned it's not so much replacing as it is violently nudging. Apparently the suits over at NBC have given Leno his 11:30PM time slot back. Conan has the choice of either taking the 12:00AM, in which case Leno's show would be a half hour, or he can also decide to f*ck off completely. If Conan tells NBC brass to go screw themselves then Leno will get a full hour. So much hostility. Stop fighting, mommy and daddy, you're doing harm to the children!I suppose poor ratings for both shows can be blamed on this trist, or the fact that old people find Conan awkward looking and obnoxious, but it really all comes down to one super villain… You guessed it: Studio Mogul-Man.Smug son of a bitch…(via TMZ)

Leno Might Replace Conan
Thursday, January 7 by

"Take him." "Take him."TMZ is reporting that NBC has a plan to fix their Leno problem but unfortunately it doesn't solve our Leno problem. Due to very poor ratings, the network is reportedly moving Leno back to his 11:30pm timeslot. No word yet on the validity of this report or how it will effect The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. Will Conan be pushed back an hour or ousted completely? This treatment is a bitch slap in the face to O'Brien considering his years with the network and the fact he uprooted to sunny California for the hosting gig. Don't they realize the sun can turn a ginger to ash? (TMZ)

Artie Lange Stabbed Himself NINE Times
Thursday, January 7 by

Howard Stern sidekick and actor Artie Lange was admitted to the hospital this past weekend for undisclosed reasons and now the cause has come to light. According to the NY Post, Lange attempted to take his own life by STABBING HIMSELF NINE TIMES. That's so metal! It's 9 times more metal than Juliet Capulet's suicide and 4.5 times more so than Elliott Smith's. The bloodied funnyman was discovered by his mother who called 911. Surgeons were able to save him despite a massive loss of blood. Stern commented on-air, "We all have our demons. Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."Factoring together his eating, drinking, drugging, and stabbing-himself-nine-times habits, the man is obviously invincible. Perhaps he's the protector this world needs. If only he would stop copying Chris Farley. (NY Post)