News - Page 66

Jerk Off This Device to Increase Your Breast Size
Monday, January 4 by

Easy Curves Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosIt's really that simple. Or even simpler, convince the girl in question you have a device of your own she can borrow. (via TVSquad) Click on these links to increase your size instantly! Gallery of Alabama Girls Vs. Texas Girls (HolyTaco) Fans Fall Head First in to Concrete (TotalProSports) Sexy Mail Order Brides in Costumes (TheChive) The Warren Beatty Sex Chart (Maxim) Kevin Smith Vs. NPH: Fight! Fight! Fight! (FilmDrunk) 20 Funniest Google Street View Photos (SuperTremendous) The Worst Movies of 2009 (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Gets Her Face and Crotch Creamed (CelebJihad) Time to Psychoanalyze the LOST Supper (Unreality) Historic U.K. Stature Turned into Homer Simpson (Asylum) 5 Types of People You'll Meet at Ikea (RegretfulMorning) How to Dress with Vampire Style (MadeMan) Nice Cortney Sauter Pics (AllLeftTurns) Cowboy Gets His Ass Stomped to a Soundtrack (NothingToxic) The Ultimate Fish Punching Reality Show (Atom)

‘Jersey Shore’ to Be Given Porn Treatment
Monday, January 4 by

Like Dexter and Paranormal Activity before it, Jersey Shore will be given the porn treatment. To clarify, Jersey Shore the program is being given the porn treatment, not the cast. The Jersey Shore castmembers are not in any pornos (yet). Zero Tolerance Entertainment has announced via the NSFW Popporn that they plan to artistically birth a porn parody of the MTV reality hit. Jersey Whores will be written and directed by Spock Buckton and Brian Bangs with Mike Quasar pointing a camera (and his penis) at it.I'm confused. Up until ten minutes ago I assumed Jersey Shore WAS a porno. Just one with an irritatingly slow build. Guess I'll pull my pants back on now. (via Warming Glow) 

’24′ Season 8 Trailer and Featurette
Monday, January 4 by

Jack Bauer and the case of Now Where Did I Park My Car… In spite of rumors that Jack Bauer would be playing peek-a-boo with his grandchild for 24 episodes of this season of 24, it appears the writers came up with something a tad more action-y. Who knew that Jack wouldn't be content settling down and enjoying the simpler things in life? I knew, because men who gauge out eyes with Bic pens don't just trade that in for fishie faces and ants on a log. Below is a trailer and a featurette for the brand spankin' new 8th season of 24. Yes, Jack has had seven miserable, exhausting, terrorist-filled days and it looks like he's in store for another one. Maybe this season ends with him battling the lack of oxygen getting to his brain. In other words, a stroke, like most normal people would have faced by now. The official synopsis goes as such:

Happy 2010! Here’s a Monkey Being Chased by Bulldogs
Friday, January 1 by

I'm sure you all remember this monkey going apesh*t over magic tricks. Well now here he is purchasing baked goods and being chased by bulldogs. Things are slightly askew in Japan… (via WarmingGlow)

Be the FIRST! to See ‘LOST’ Season Six Premiere
Wednesday, December 30 by

Did ya hear the news?!! You can be the envy of all your friends until 9:07pm February 2nd, 2010. That's right! 815 lucky viewers have the opportunity to view an exclusive sneak peek of the first six minutes of LOST season six.In order to do so, visit the sweepstakes site and answer six questions about the show. Winners will receive a digital "message in a bottle" that contains the opening minutes of the premiere four full days before it is scheduled to air. That gives you 96 hours and 6 minutes to feel self-important. After that, you're a schmuck like the rest of us.Am I going to enter? F*ck yeah. This is an out-of-context six minutes of LOST we're talking about here. (ABC)

‘Always Sunny’ Bar Breaks the Fourth Wall
Wednesday, December 30 by

Rob McElhenney, the creator and star of the FX comedy It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, looks like a man with a child actor's head. But that's not the story here.It's being reported that McElhenney has purchased a bar in Philadelphia along with his co-star/wife Kaitlin Olson. The plan is to name the grog house after Mac's Old Towne Tavern, the bar featured in the show. This guy is a genius. Not only does he come out of nowhere to co-create one of the best comedies on television, use that show to get a hot wife, but now he can also pay Danny Devito in beer with low overhead. Genius. (via Eater via Warming Glow) 

‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ Star Kourtney Kardashian
Wednesday, December 30 by

Kourtney Kardashian is known for being the older, less attractive sister of Kim Kardashian. Also, she just had a baby. Gross. A word from Kourtney: "There's so many times I'll forget to take my pill and I don't think it's that big of a deal."Yeah, no big deal. The only downside is you get BABIES!!!Practice safe sex by checking out the pics after the jump.

‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ Star Kim Kardashian
Tuesday, December 29 by

We all know Kim Kardashian, I just haven't done a post of her yet so I thought I'd go ahead and do that. She's famous for being famous, and having sex with a rapper.A word from Kim: "I have a sex tape with a Black guy! That's why I'm famous!"See? Even SHE admits it. But damn if she can't wear a shirt. Or not wear one. Check out more pics of Kim and her assets after the jump.

‘Men of a Certain Age’ Actress Carla Gallo
Monday, December 28 by

Carla Gallo starred in Judd Apatow's short-lived sitcom Undeclared, and has popped up in most of his films ever since. She sucked Steve Carell's toes in The 40 Year Old Virgin and got awkwardly banged by Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  She can now be seen serving Scott Bakula his coffee in Men of a Certain Age.A word from Carla: "The minute I get home I change into a pair of pink Juicy bottoms I bought 5 years ago. Daily. Not kidding. They smell like the CEO of HBO's jizz." When you walk around with JUICY tagged across your ass, the CEO of HBO is bound to take it literally.Check out some more JUICY photos of Carla after the jump.

Kim Kardashian Sells Carl’s Jr. Chicken Salad, Boobs
Monday, December 28 by

Kim Kardashian Carls Jr. Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosIt was only a matter of time until this happened. Kim Kardashian has gone and sold another piece of her soul by starring in a Carl's Jr. fast food exploitation advertisment, and I'm not complaining the tiniest bit. Give that grilled chicken walnut leafy thing all you got, Kim. Then think about what you've done in a nice warm bubble bath while you continue indulging. Damn, I just got dressing all over my desk. 

Ricky Gervais Torments Elmo
Wednesday, December 23 by

Recently Sesame Street's Elmo was having a really hard time falling asleep (you would too if you had a hand shoved up your poop-shoot). Luckily, the unbelievably famous Ricky Gervais broke into the young Muppet's bedroom to assist with a "Celebrity Lullaby." To coax Elmo off to Dreamland, Gervais decided to serenade him about the letter "N" and all the words you can spell with it. Words like, Nap, Nightcap, Nummies, and Naff off you insufferable little sh*t. Gervais doesn't come right out and say that but you can tell he wants to. Between this and their earlier insult-laden video, the tension between them is so thick. Hurry up and bang already, you two. Everyone knows you want it.

SNL ‘Twizzle Wizzle’ Digital Short is Awesomely Disturbing
Monday, December 21 by

I have to admit I don't watch Saturday Night Live much these days, but I do enjoy me a hilarious digital short every now and then. I feel like the Andy Samberg shorts are on a totally different level than the rest of the show. His heightened and irreverent humor always shines through, and he seems to get away with a ton of sh*t that never succeeds in the live skits. The Twizzle Wizzle short below is no exception. Imagine if The Wiggles did on television what I'm sure they do when they go back to their homes every night. Forced happiness wears on a person…

Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart All But Beg to Be Auto Tuned
Saturday, December 19 by

Those who have long underestimated our TV Culinary Personalities had best to check themselves. It's widely known that Chef Julia Childs once killed a man via headbutt, and Rachel Ray… she just seems like she'd cut a bitch. Now, Martha Stewart has raised her street cred by baking with Snoop Dogg on yesterday's episode of Martha. Watch as Snoop Dizzle and M. Stizzle rap about the special ingredient missing from their brownies.  Snoop Dogg will do anything to be on television. The countdown to his eventual Yo Gabba Gabba! appearance begins NOW. (via NY Mag)AUTHOR'S NOTE: Holy sh*t!!!

Jack Bauer Has a Few Questions for Santa Claus
Friday, December 18 by

Jack Bauer Interrogates Santa Claus – Watch more Funny Videos It was only a matter of time before Jack Bauer demanded a sitdown with Santa. You can't expect to land on people's roofs all night and break into their homes without CTU getting a whiff of reindeer poop. But is it Jack who's naughty, Santa? Or is it you? Put that perplexing thought in your candycane pipe and smoke it.

Time Warner Cable Could Take Away Your FOX
Friday, December 18 by

Look what you're doing to Jack Bauer, Time Warner Cable and FOX! He's whimpering! You've made Mr. 24 himself whimper. For shaaaaaaame.FOX said today that due to a back and forth bitchfest with Time Warner Cable, customers may be unable to see FOX programming next year. That includes House, 24, and American Idol (if you care about singing competitions). According to The Hollywood Reporter:Fox said it has for the past nine months attempted to "negotiate in good faith" with Time Warner Cable, the No. 2 U.S. cable operator, which serves some 14 million customers, and said those talks are ongoing.But there is a "very likely possibility that Time Warner Cable may choose to no longer carry Fox Broadcasting, Fox Cable and Fox regional sports programing," Fox said.Time Warner Cable confirmed that the talks are ongoing but said Fox's current demands "are unreasonable and excessive, especially in this economic climate.""We hope Fox won't punish our customers by taking their programing away while we try to reach an agreement," said spokeswoman Maureen Huff.Hey Time Warner, how about YOU don't punish your customers by pulling the plug on my House stories that I look forward to every week? Nine months should be long enough for two entities to figure out who pisses better. Come up with a number, reach an agreement, and let's get this thing done. The world wants to see Ellen DeGeneres and Simon Cowell fight about the Idol contestants' sexual orientation this Spring!

Pamela Anderson Covered in “Cream”
Thursday, December 17 by

Do you really need more than the headline to press play? Warming Glow found this ad for CrazyDomain and it features Pamela Anderson with another hot chick in bikinis covered in cream. For God's sake, hit play already!These links taste better with some cream on top.Flowchart to Determine if You've Been Naughty or Nice (HolyTaco) Fearless Photographer Snaps Drag Car Crash (TotalProSports) Behind the Scenes with Marissa Miller (TheChive) Hottest Bosses from Movies (Maxim) How Old Dogs Saved Christmas (FilmDrunk) 13 Amazing Caucasian Afros (SuperTremendous) 20 Best Films of the Aughts (Pajiba) Spicy Rihanna Pictures in GQ (CelebJihad) Shaun of the Dead Reunion Photoshoot (Unreality) Tiger Woods Syndrome is Making Wives Suspicious (Asylum) Emily Scott FHM Russia January 2010 (BustedCoverage) 5 Ways to Tip the Pizza Guy if You're Broke (RegretfulMorning) How to Win Any Board Game (MadeMan) This Man Sounds Like an Engine (AllLeftTurns)

‘Jersey Shore’ Performs the Story of Christmas on ‘Jimmy Kimmel’, Camel Eats Baby Jesus
Thursday, December 17 by

Snookie, "The Situation", and Pauly D. from Jersey Shore played The Three Wise Men last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live in a reenactment of The Story of Christmas. It was clear from their performance that "The Situation" still has sick abs, Snookie can't pronounce words correctly, and camels have a taste for Messiah flesh. No one really cares about Pauly D. He should probably assault someone. Jersey Shore Performs the Story of Christmas – Watch more Funny Videos

Snookie, “The Situation” and Conan “The Solution” O’Brien
Wednesday, December 16 by

Last night, Snookie and "The Situation" from MTV's the Jersey Shore were "guests" on The Tonight Show. I say guests with a twinge of sarcasm because it wouldn't be unlikely for the two emotional Guidos to crash the talk show, get pissed off that the deli meat tray in the green room didn't have any capicola, and then strut out to the couch to provide Conan with a nick name of his very own. Also, they talk about abdominal muscles.Use these links to work your core.7 Beers That Sound Expensive But Aren't (HolyTaco) Devin Harris Drops Jamario Moon (TotalProSports) Putting the Tail in Tailgating (TheChive) The Time James Cameron Almost Drowned (FilmDrunk) 8 Crappy Christmas Gifts You Wanted (Maxim) 10 Greatest Upskirt Moments in TV History (Manofest) Best Action Flicks of the Aughts (Pajiba) Kourtney Kardashian's Baby Enters Rehab (CelebJihad) The Evolution of Mario (Unreality) Two Dudes Who Have Actually Never Seen Porn (Asylum) Really Hot Italian Track Star/Model (BustedCoverage) Snowplow vs. Snowmen (RegretfulMorning) 5 Romantic Winter Getaways to Get Some (MadeMan) Rick Hendrick is the Godfather (AllLeftTurns) Enormous Chair Throwing Brawl Erupts (NothingToxic) Animated Christmas Specials Remixed (Atom)

‘LOST’ 3 Hour Series Finale Leaves Time for Answers
Wednesday, December 16 by

We all assumed that the Lost series finale would be big but according to Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse it's going to be gimungo. Okay, they didn't use that exact term. Here's what they had to say:"Season 6 will consist of a two-hour season premiere, 13 episodes and a three-hour series finale that will air over two weeks."Is it really a finale if it splits over two weeks? It's more or less the same thing they've been doing every season. Man, season six hasn't even begun yet and they're already jerking us around. I'm so frustrated and feel like I learned to read hieroglyphics for nothing! (via Chicago Tribune)

‘Justified’ Preview Delivers a Southern Style Ass Whoopin’
Wednesday, December 16 by

FX rocks so hard. Almost every show on the network kicks serious ass. Of course there are a few duds, but compared to most networks (which cancel more shows than they keep) FX has a seriously impressive homerun average. Their new series Justified starring Timothy Olyphant looks like another edgy, dirty, whiskey-scented project to add to the roster. Here's the official synopsis: U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens is a modern day 19th century-style lawman, enforcing his brand of justice in a way that puts a target on his back with criminals and places him at odds with his bosses in the Marshal service. That conflict results in a reassignment for Givens to the U.S. District covering the town where he grew up. He is an anachronism – a tough, soft spoken gentleman who finds his quarry fascinating, but never gives an inch. Dig under his placid skin and you'll find an angry man who grew up hard in rural Kentucky, with an outlaw father, who knows a lot more about who he doesn't want to be than who he really is.  Look at all that conflict! Not to mention, Walton Goggins, who played Shane on The Shield, stars as a church-bombing, redneck hick. It's the part he was born to play! Justified premieres in March on FX. Check out the preview after the jump.

‘Cougar Town’ Actress Christa Miller
Wednesday, December 16 by

Long hailed as the only attractive being on The Drew Carey Show and as the tough ex-wife of John C. McGinley's character on Scrubs, Christa Miller has won her way into America's heart, or at least Americans who watched those shows. She can now be seen as Courteney Cox's bitchy neighbor friend on Cougar Town, a show created by her husband Bill Lawrence.A word from Christa: "A modern mom is someone who can organize all the many, many elements of family life, career and marriage and have the stamina to keep it all going."Sing it, sister! And I assume sex is part of the whole marriage thing? Make sure you have enough stamina for that or else hubby get angry and smash things. Use the pics after the jump to keep your stamina up.

‘Men of a Certain Age’ Actress Patricia De Leon
Monday, December 14 by

After being crowned Miss Panama (1995), Patricia De Leon's career started blossoming, getting breaks hosting Corte del Juez Franco on Azteca TV (a break?), and the Billboard Latino. From her work on Univision, Patricia snatched roles on American TV, including, Lincoln Heights, Cold Case, and Crossing Jordan. Now she's Ray Romano's dream girl on Men of a Certain Age. She's my dream girl in my dreams.A word from Patricia: "I'm Latina."I can see that. Thank you for being Latina, and a damn sexy one at that.Check out more pics of the Latina after the jump.

MTV Casts ‘Teen Wolf’ Pilot
Monday, December 14 by

Thanks to the maximum abage in New Moon and ironic t-shirts, werewolves are so hot right now. MTV knows this and they're getting in on the trend with their bastardization reimagining of Teen Wolf. Now we have word of the show's casting. Tyler Posey, Tyler Hoechlin, Crystal Reed and Dylan O'Brien have been cast in the pilot written by Jeff Davis (Criminal Minds). Posey will play a high school dork who develops bizarre transformative powers after being attacked by a wolf. O'Brien is playing his best friend and Reed will play the hot piece barking for his bone. Seventh Heaven's Hoechlin is signed on to play a d*ckhead/evil werewolf. That's all well and good for them but what of Teen Wolf Pug? He should have nailed it in auditions.That's it, fatboy. I'm getting you into the gym. You clearly don't have the abs to be a star… yet. (THR)

‘Dexter’ Actress Courtney Ford
Friday, December 11 by

Courtney Ford is one hot little number. She's been starring as reporter Christine in this season of Dexter, and she's been nakey a lot of the time. Niiiice. She's also married to Superman Brandon Routh, but I don't think anyone's intimated by that.A word from Courtney: "Oh my gosh, I hear theories every day!"Me too! Let's get together to discuss them. Drinks then dinner? Pick you up at 7? Lock Superman in a closet or something. 

No Third Season for HBO’s ‘Flight of the Conchords’
Friday, December 11 by

Bad news, nerdy guys. You won't have any new Flight of the Conchords songs to sing-along to in a failed effort to impress girls anytime soon. The New Zealand folk duo have announced that this past season of their HBO show will not be followed by a third. The show had grown too difficult to produce with the pressures of writing multiple original songs per episode. Though they are still expected to record albums, there is no word on when those may be released. So, sorry fellas. Looks like you're going to have to rely on Lonely Island to get you almost laid for the foreseeable future. (via Reuters)

‘LOST’ Season Five Bloopers are Silly
Wednesday, December 9 by

Lost Season 5 Bloopers – Watch more Funny VideosThe LOST characters should spend less time joking around and more time figuring out why the f*ck they're on that island. The final season drops February 2nd on ABC. These links drop right now. Flowchart to Determine What Holiday to Celebrate (HolyTaco) Norwegian Goalie Makes Amazing Goal-Line Save (TotalProSports) Camouflage Can't Hide Stupidity (TheChive) 15 Freakishly Large Babies (SuperTremendous) I Want to F You With a Cobra (FilmDrunk) The Greatest Love Stories of the Aughts (Pajiba) Team Edward's Starting Left Tackle Injured (CelebJihad) A Literal A to Z List of CGI Movie Characters (Unreality) Cheech & Chong Blaze a New Trail (Asylum) Tennessee Using Tail to Attract Football Recruits? (BustedCoverage) Coffee That'll Wake You the F Up (RegretfulMorning) What Does Your Headache Mean? (MadeMan) Google Satellite and Sprint Cup Teams (AllLeftTurns) Russian Car Accident Turns to Fistfight (NothingToxic) Hanukkah is a Time for Sharing (Atom)

Bobby Bottleservice Auditions for ‘Jersey Shore’
Wednesday, December 9 by

Bobby Bottleservice – Jersey Shore Audition Tape – watch more funny videosBobby Bottleservice (the hilarious Nick Kroll) is back, and he's trying to claim his rightful place in the inevitable second season of Jersey Shore on MTV. With Bobby B as one of the tenants, the house will be more Guidorrific than ever. He'll bring his hair gel, Cadillac, and sloppy grammar to the party, and the overly tan dwarf ladies will eat it up like a big plate of gabagoolooka (my made up Italian deli meat).

‘Jersey Shore’ Links Ed Hardy Hats and Sucker Punches
Wednesday, December 9 by

MTV's Jersey Shore is getting A LOT of negative attention, which is a shame because as I have stated on a few occasions that it is a solid show, an important show. In addition to numerous catchphrases they have now given us a piece of footage more compelling than the Zapruder Film. Watch in wild wonder as a drunken Seaside bar patron fist pumps directly into pint-sized castmember Snooki's face:   Bada-bing. Bada-BOOM! That. Is. Horrifying. Did you see the absent look in the assailant's eyes? It's as if he was under mind control a la The Manchurian Candidate. Did Chris Brown install that Naked Gun chip in his brain? We would ask Snooki but she isn't slated to wake up until February. And it should be known that Screen Junkies doesn't advocate this kind of violence. If someone offends you, tell them to shut their stupid face. You don't hit. You punch with your words. Unless it's a douchebag. Then you rail on him.

‘Cougar Town’ Actress Courteney Cox
Wednesday, December 9 by

Courteney Cox is 45 and still smokin' hot. There's something about dark hair and piercing blue eyes that makes me feel all funny in my nether regions. You can currently see Courteney playing the appropriate role of a cougar in Cougar Town on ABC. A word from Courteney: "I don't think I'm too thin at all. I understand when people say, 'Well your face gets gaunt."Don't listen to them, Cox! You're beau–hehehe. Cox…Check out more maturely hot pics after the jump.

‘Scrubs’ Actress Sarah Chalke
Tuesday, December 8 by

Sarah Chalke was dubbed Second Becky on Roseanne, having replaced the first Becky several seasons in, but she's better known for her role as shrieky Dr. Elliot Reid on Scrubs. She's got a hot bod, but apparently she's all pregnant now. Laaaame.      A word from Sarah: "I don't just play a slut on TV, I am a slut."Did I mention Sarah is pregnant?Check out some more slutty pics after the jump.