Yes, they made it, okay? They made a porn parody of "The Golden Girls," that show about four old women, three of which have passed, and the other who the Internet won't leave alone. You all walk around with your heads held high like you're sooooooo superior and don't have a GILF fetish. Now if it were called "Golden Shower Girls" I'd understand why you wouldn't want to watch. Except for the sickos, of course. Not that there's anything wrong with watching old women get peed on. No, I take that back. This may bite me in the ass when I run for political office, but I stand by the belief that it IS wrong to watch old women get peed on. Unless they're dead. Roll the footage!
I've already written about pornstars and Muppets this morning. What else is left to cover but giant space robots!After years of rumors and indecision, plans for a Voltron movie have been scrapped. However, fans need not worry, as they'll soon be able to get their nostalgia fix on the small screen. A reboot of the popular 80's cartoon is underway. The new series will air on Nicktoons, and will be rolled out alongside a brand new toy line.As cool as these new toys sound, times are tough. If you find that money is too tight, construct a homemade "Voltron" robot using wire hangers, your cat, and a soldering iron. But make sure your cat is either asleep or dead before you start the soldering, or it's going to get really pissed off. I recommend using Benadryl and a brick, respectively. (Cinema Blend)
Chillest family ever.Thanks to Kate Hudson, when you think Matthew McConaughey you don't automatically think comedy. You think beach yoga and Rogaine treatments. That hasn't stopped FX from picking up "Kick Ass Militia" from the bare-chested actor's production company J.K. Livin.Based on an idea from McConaughey's long-time friend JR Reed, "Kick Ass Militia" is a single-camera comedy about two brothers who butt heads on their Malibu compound. One is a survivalist and the other a free-loving cult leader. Think of it as "Two and a Half Men" with Ted Nugent replacing Jon Cryer. After hunting him for sport, of course. (Deadline)
The salt water in his lungs suggests he was drowned elsewhere and then dumped.Grieve with these links. Guillermo Gives 'Hobbit' Update (Moviefone)Happy Goonies B-Day: The The Truffle Shuffle Turns 25 Today! (Asylum)F-Bombs Fly at MTV Movie Awards (PopEater)Crazy Twilight Lady Makes Everyone Sad (FilmDrunk)Create Your Own MTV Movie Award Show In 5 Easy Steps (HolyTaco)Most Insane Toy Story Tattoo You'll Ever See (Unreality)The 55 Sexiest South African Women (BroBible)Parkour Stunt Fail (TotalProSports)The Curious Case Of Hot Girls & Buttons (Maxim)Miley Cyrus Teaches Girls How To Sit Like A Lady (Celebjihad)New Ali Sonoma Bikini Photos, Y'all (CagePotato)Two-Sentence Movie Review (Smosh)More About A "Preacher" Movie (Pajiba)iFreak (Atom)You Are Getting Scammed (MadeMen)
Those concerned that the second season of "Jersey Shore" will be a played out attempt by network execs to squeeze more money out of their runaway hit, can rest easy. The first ten minutes of the second season is now online, and we learn quickly that the cast reunite for reasons much more shallow than money. Namely, free tanning. That's right. The combination of record snowfalls and Obama's 10% tax on tanning has sent the cast south to Miami for the winter. In this first glimpse, we find out what the newly-minted celebrities have been up to (banging), watch Paulie D and the Situation play with explosives, and Snooki take pickles to a whole 'nother, WHOLE 'NOTHER level. THIS SEQUEL DEFINITELY WON'T SUCK. CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP…
Buuuuuuuh? Katy Perry is finally going to release those perfect sweater puppies of hers? That's what the stacked singer told Predator-haired Sway in an interview for MTV. "I'll be naked. There will be tons of naked girls," said Perry. I sure hope this isn't some big marketing ploy to get people to tune into the "MTV Movie Awards" this Sunday. The promise of boobs will make a man do funny things, like watching a ceremony where Twilight is one of the films up for best picture and it actually has a decent chance of winning. I'm know they can't show full on flesh on MTV, but I better watch with extreme attentiveness just in case the Gods allow a nip slip. Check out video proof of Katy saying she'll be naked after the jump.
In a bid to make the program more fappable, "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" has added Olivia Munn as the new "Senior Asian Correspondent." Munn appeared on last night's program to report the plight of Vietnamese fishermen effected by the spill in the Gulf. She will continue to appear throughout the coming weeks as she continues to try out for the show. I can understand Olivia's wanting to be on a show where her co-host doesn't seek every opportunity to feel her up, but I really feel like she'd fit better as the "Senior Nerd Correspondent." If anyone can get the truth out of an overweight virgin in a Destro costume, it's her. How'd she do? Check out the clip after the jump….
Zombie Jim Carrey wants braaaaaaains. Yesterday we showed you the first still from AMC's upcoming Frank Darabont produced zombie series "The Walking Dead," and now we've got another gruesome pic and a brief behind the scenes featurette. There, ya happy?! The featurette gives us a taste of what to expect from the adaptation of the graphic novel, but more importantly it shows Frank Darabont just talking. That man's voice, it's just so soothing. If the government reinstitutes fireside chats I'd gladly snuggle up with the family to listen to Papa Frank lay out the state of union. Check out the featurette after the jump. "The Walking Dead" infects your TV sets this October.
Fur is murder. Sad news today that the Facebook-neglected Golden Girl Rue McClanahan passed away after suffering a massive stroke. She is of course best known for her role as O.G. Cougar Blanche Devereaux. We're sad to see her go but would like to celebrate her for what she did best: partying on Cat Mountain.
I remember why this was so popular!Twenty years after its cancellation, "ThunderCats" is poised to return to the small screen. A re-imaged "anime-inspired" version of the classic 80's cartoon will begin airing on Cartoon Network in 2011. The Cats join a growing list of retro characters headed to the CN lineup, including Batman, Scooby-Doo and The Looney Tunes. While CN is hopeful that the entire cast will return, the beloved character of Snarf may end up as the lone holdout. The annoying, overweight feline is currently in negotiations to join Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg on "The View," which would all but rule out his participation in the relaunch. (Variety) Watch two minutes of Snarf repeatedly saying "Snarf" after the Snarf.
In news that is sure to make Conan O'Brien's Irish eyes smile, Jeff Zucker is being removed from his position as President of NBC Television Group. General Electric has put together an exit deal that will send Zucker packing with a golden parachute in the $30 to $40 million range. Please send all sympathy cards to: Jeff Zucker Don't Send This Guy Any Cards Avenue Dude's Plenty Rich, NY 80085 $30 million seems kinda exorbitant for a guy who steered the number one network into last place and forced the company into the arms of a competitor. Heck, I didn't get squat when I was let go from the deli for that bologna joke fiasco. Sucks too because I had plans for that apron. (NY Post)
We have the first image of a whacked-out "Walker" from AMC's upcoming series "The Walking Dead." The six-episode first season is being written, directed, and produced by Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Mist)."The Walking Dead" follows a group of survivors trying to find a safe place for their brains after a zombie apocalypse totally puts the kibosh on lazy Sunday afternoons. Rick Grimes is the main character and Sheriff leading humans in the opposite direction of the undead in this tale adapted from the Robert Kirkman graphic novel. If this series isn't awesome, I'll eat my own shoe. Either way the jokes on you because my shoes are made of thinly sliced pastrami. (Collider)
He's conquered television, starred on the silver screen, and surfed the internet. Now, comedian extraordinaire Jerry Seinfeld has set his sites on Broadway….off Broadway, to be exact. Seinfeld will direct "Long Story Short," a comedic monologue by SNL alum Colin Quinn. The play explores "2,000 years of human civilization and the rise and fall of its great empires, stretching from ancient Rome to Walmart." It is hoped that Seinfeld's name recognition will translate to ticket sales. Most Off Broadway shows close after only a week, sending the vanquished cast members back home to flyover country with their pathetic hopes of stardom dashed. This is not Seinfeld's first encounter with the Great White Way. In 1998, he closed out his old stand-up routine with a limited run entitled, "I'm Telling You For The Last Time." In addition, Monk's Coffee Shop, the fictitious hangout for the "Seinfeld" characters, is located at West 112th Street and Broadway. Not too bad for a guy whose only knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons. (Variety) See video of Jerry Seinfeld's Broadway debut after the jump.
"So then I sez to her, I can pay to have you killed."People is reporting that Charlie Sheen will serve a minimum of fifteen days in jail for chasing his wife with a knife on Christmas Eve and threatening to kill her. That hardly seems fair. IT WAS CHRISTMAS. The most stressful time of year. Who here hasn't wanted/tried to kill their girlfriend/wife/sorority-girls-who-now-inhabit-your-childhood-home during the Christmas season? If you don't raise your hand, you're a liar.But don't worry. Charlie's time in the pokey won't prevent him from earning a multi-million dollar paycheck for spouting off lame sexual euphemisms before canned gasps, chuckles, and wolf whistles. The plea deal will allow him to serve his time before "Two and a Half Men's" shooting schedule reconvenes. Thank God! Not the real God that we all love. One of those sinister evil ones.
Pauly D. looks as sober as a judge.BREAKING NEWS: Someone from the "Jersey Shore" cast is hitting the booger sugar. Radar is reporting that while filming the second season of the juiced, tanned, and greased show in Miami, one of the gang played in the snow. The identity of the culprit is being kept under wraps, but police are utilizing the tried and tested method of throwing rocks on South Beach and trying not to hit a cokehead. It's a numbers game at this point.“Miami is obviously a big drug city,” one source told RadarOnline.com, “and when this cast member want (sic) to score, it wasn’t hard.”Narc! Narc!“Finding someone to buy drugs from in South Beach is as easy as asking for it,” the source said. “It’s not hard and everyone is discreet.”Another Narc!“A connection was made and that’s all it took,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “A lot of things were done in code. Other people knew about it but no one ratted out this person.”I don't know about you guys, but I've had enough of these accusations. I'm going to go mow my mother's lawn. **Walk-runs into bathroom to flush stash**
The Birth of Day Man from Always Sunny – Watch more Funny Videos Two cheers for syndication! One of your favorite shows in this whole big, wide universe is coming to TV sets on a more regular basis. Starting tonight at 9pm/8c, "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" will drag you kicking and screaming into rerun heaven every Monday on Comedy Central with four back-to-back episodes. The Gang can be your real friends because real friends are overrated, right The Gang? You can't see, but Charlie Day just nodded his head at me. Eeeeeee, I'm so popular! To get you in the mood, I've posted a clip of one of the best scenes of all time from the show. You've probably seen Charlie and Dennis sing "Day-Man" a good thousand times, but why don't you just stop complaining, huff some more of that spray paint, and click play. Catch "Always Sunny" tonight at 9pm/8c on Comedy Central.
If MTV keeps up these humorous bits I might just watch their movie awards show this season. Aziz Ansari and Tom Cruise have been killin' it. Yesterday we saw Cruise as Tropic Thunder's Studio Exec Les Grossman rip the pants off a Risky Business version of himself, and now he's telling Rob Pats to not touch a single hair on his oily scalp. A good mane can get a man far in this world. Example: Rob Pats. Check out the promo after the jump. The "MTV Movie Awards" airs June 6.
Tom Cruise dons a fat suit again to play Tropic Thunder studio exec Les Grossman in this promo for the "MTV Movie Awards." Apparently Les was a producer on the set of Risky Business, and it was his brilliant idea for Tom Cruise's character Joel Goodsen to slide in the room in his tighty-whiteys. I wonder what it's like to slap the ass of a younger version of yourself? I'm pretty sure Time Cop rules apply and you get sucked up into your own butthole. Hey, blame physics, not moi. Check out the promo after the jump.
Gary Coleman has upstaged Corey Feldman once again. Just minutes after posting the trailer for Feldman's new Lost Boys movie, we received word that Gary Coleman had passed away.He was hospitalized earlier this week after suffering a brain hemorrhage caused from a fall he took at home. Coleman's 24-year old wife/sparring partner Shannon Price made the decision to pull the plug on him this morning. He passed at 12:05PM MST.Best known for his role as Arnold Drummond on "Diff'rent Strokes," Coleman will always be remembered as the Transformers to Emmanuel Lewis's Go-Bots. He was 42. (TMZ)
Jurnee Smollett began her career as a child model and landed recurring roles on both "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper" and "Full House" before co-starring with her siblings in the sitcom "On Our Own." The Smolletts wanted to be the next Jacksons, but it didn't happen. Lately, Jurnee starred in the Denzel Washington directed The Great Debaters and is currently Landry's budding love interest on "Friday Night Lights." A word from Jurnee: "There is crying and pain going on. There's a whole population screaming out and no one is listening."Wow, way to be a buzz kill. Can't we just talk about Justin Bieber's stupid haircut or something?Take more of a Jurnee after the jump. Rimshot!
Yesterday we gave you news that Julie Benz would be returning to the fifth season of "Dexter." And today we have more big casting news. But you gotta pay. Only the first hit's free. So go ahead and give me all your money and — oops. I spilled the beans in the headline, didn't I? FUUUUUUUUUUUU**!!! What's that, Ausiello?Sources confirm to me exclusively that Julia Stiles is in advanced talks to play a major, top secret role in the show’s upcoming fifth season. There's no word yet on who Stiles will play. According to showrunner Chip Johannessen she won't play a serial-killing rival to Dexter. “We’re not going to have a single Big Bad this season. We don’t want to try and top John Lithgow, so we’re going to change up the forces that Dexter’s going to be dealing with.” My theory is that she'll play a cat-faced FBI Agent who discovers Dexter's murderous secrets.
TV personality Art Linkletter has died at the age of 97.Linkletter, who began his career at CBS radio in the 1940s, became a mainstay of 1950s television, at one point hosting a show on all three networks. His credits include the orginal version of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" and "Art Linkletter's House Party", which I can only assume was the basis for the popular Kid 'n Play films of the same name.Word is that Linkletter died of natural causes, but I'll believe it when I see the autopsy report. They said the same thing about Bob Hope, and we all remember how that turned out.RIP, Art. (Variety)
One of the reasons "The Office" has remained so eminently watchable over the years is Steve Carell as the clueless Dunder-Mifflin boss Michael Scott. The actor, combined with a great script, just has a talent for wringing the most extremely painful awkwardness out of basically any situation. Making a list of the most awkward moments is like picking the most apple-y of apples. Awkwardness and Michael just go hand-in-hand – every single episode contains something that makes you cringe while laughing at how uncomfortable he can make people, but there are those memorable moments that stand out even amongst 115 episodes. And knowing that we only have one more season of Michael's hi-jinks to look forward to, it seems appropriate at the end of this past season to take a look back at all the most excruciatingly embarrassing ways the actor has made us laugh.
Welcome back.**SPOLER ALERT: DON'T READ FURTHER UNTIL YOU'VE WATCHED THE FOURTH SEASON OF 'DEXTER'**Turns out that Julie Benz will return for the new season of "Dexter." Aussiello got the scoop that Benz will reprise her role in the season premiere despite the fact that Rita's blood is now on the outside of her. Though everyone's being tight-lipped about how she will return.As she told us a few months back, Sara Colleton reaffirmed that Rita won't be brought back as a ghost a la Dexter's father, “We reserve those for Harry. If you have too many things like that it becomes gimmicky.”I hear what she's saying. It's like when "RoboCop: The Series" introduced that hologram-ghost as a recurring character. Totally pulled me out of the tightly-woven narrative.
Back in 2005, at a Paleyfest panel, J.J. Abrams answered a question about "LOST" and it's affiliation with purgatory. His answer might surprise you if you take issue with liars. (Vulture)These links don't break promises.Kimmel's 'LOST' Alternate Endings (TVSquad)Teen Wolf Packs Are Taking Over High Schools (Asylum)Say Goodbye to the Cougar Trend (PopEater)25 Hot Arizona Girls (HolyTaco)Captain America Has a Burrito In His Pants (FilmDrunk)Russian Mario Propaganda (Unreality)Emma the Nude Amish Model (BroBible)Ultimate College Movie Frat House (Maxim)ESPN's Michelle Beadle Enjoys Her Hot Dog (TotalProSports)A Day in the Life of Todd Duffee (CagePotato)Jennifer Aniston Shows Off Her Bikini Body (CelebJihad)17 Very Scary Signs (Smosh)The Science of Sex (Pajiba)The Invisible Man (Atom)Eat Healthy With Burgers & Beer (MadeMan)
So "LOST" ended last night whether you wanted it to or not. I'm still turning the finale over in my head, and I know that some fans are downright pissed. I won't go so far as to say they feel betrayed, but I passed a business man on the street today pretending to stab a dagger with the word LOST on the handle into his heart.
The cast stopped by "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night to say aloha to a show you might still be saying WTF to. The audience asked some questions and the cast gave some answers. Be warned, it's nothing mind blowing, or even satisfying. But if you like to giggle in a carefree manner, give the clips a whirl.
Check out Jimmy interviewing Matthew Fox and the audience "grilling" the cast below.
"Lost" director/executive producer Jack Bender has joined "Alphas," a new original series on Syfy. As with "Lost," he will serve as both director and executive producer. According to Variety, "Alphas" follows a group of ordinary people with extraordinary powers who fight crime as they come to terms with their abilities. Basically, it's "Heroes," but with an important twist: it's on Syfy instead of NBC. Shooting for "Alphas" begins this Summer in Toronto, the land where TV magic is made.
The final episode of "Lost" has come and gone, and there was no shortage of surprises. Even the most avid fans could not have predicted that Jack was actually Hurley's father, or that the "Dharma Initiative" was nothing more than a marketing ploy for ABC's new series, "Dharma and Greg: The Next Generation."What did you think of the the finale? Were you satisfied, or were you as pissed off as when you found out that Starbuck was an angel?Sound off below. The best comment will receive a black-and-white printout of the Screenjunkies.com logo personally autographed by me, Jame Gumb. It's sure to go up in value once the FBI raids my house and shoots me to death while looking for my cache of bootleg Human Centipede DVDs.
Rachel Hunter was an uber supermodel and wife of silly-haired singer Rod Stewart. She’s actually received most attention as of late for playing the MILF in the music video for Fountains of Wanye’s "Stacey’s Mom," in which reenacts the Phoebe Cates pool scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.A word from Rachel: "Blondes have more fun."Are we judging by the drapes or the rug?More "blonde" Rachel pics after the jump.