You don't need to read my mind to see my boner. In True Blood's idiotic second season finale, Bill needed to save Sam by squirting him full of his magic vampire blood (SPOILER ALERT). Well, who knows who will be squirting what in the new season. Show creator Alan Ball tells Michael Ausiello that the vampire and shapeshifter now share "not just any connection, an erotic connection," as a result of the transfusion. Ball wouldn't disclose how erotic the scenes will be, but let's assume the monster-mashing is nestled somewhere near Van Helsing and New Moon on the Gay Monster Scale, or GSM as it's more commonly called. (Ausiello Files)
Alyssa Milano was on Castle last week, and I needed an excuse to post an Alyssa Milano gallery. So there you have it. If you don't like it you can take it up with management. Management says shove off.A word from Alyssa: "I feel a lot healthier when I'm having sex." What do we have if we don't have our health? Be as healthy as possible, Alyssa. So so so SO healthy. Like 24/7 healthy. In all kinds of weird positions. Work toward a healthier you by checking out more pics after the jump.
NBC and Conan are working out the details now for his exit from the network and The Tonight Show. It's now believed that NBC will not enforce the no-compete clause in his contract and allow him to set up shop at another network, but he won't be taking his recurring characters and sketches with him. Inside sources say that NBC is keeping trademarked elements of Conan's shows as part of the exit deal. Characters like Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot 5000, Vomiting Kermit, Coked-Up Werewolf, and Horny Manatee (why didn't he connect with old people?!) will never appear again nor will sketches such as If They Mated, In the Year 3000, and Desk-Driving. It's unclear if Robert Smigel's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is effected in this deal. I'm certainly looking forward to when Conan sets up elsewhere with a new slew of characters like Masturbating Deer, Pimpbot 6000, Sharting Kermit, and Coked-Up Werewolf Wearing Groucho Glasses. (THR)
Teaser for HBOs Boardwalk Empire – Watch more Funny VideosFresh off the teaser for HBO's series Treme, here's a tiny glimpse of Boardwalk Empire that's sure to get you addicted to Sunday night TV programming again. The show was adapted for televison by Terence Winter, an Emmy Award winning writer of The Sopranos, and the pilot was directed by none other than Martin Scorsese. The series chronicles the rise of New Jersey city in the 1920s, focusing specifically on Steve Buscemi's character Nucky Thompson, who historically ruled the boardwalk and its borders during the time of prohibition. Boardwalk Empire premieres on HBO this Fall. Be grateful for repeals and these links.25 Hardcore Pets (HolyTaco) World Cup Stab-Proof Vests On Sale Now! (TotalProSports) Hot Chicks in Jerseys (TheChive) Denzel's Venn Diagram (Maxim) CNN is Tardy to the Avatard Party (FilmDrunk) Rediscovering the Wilhelm Scream (Moviefone) Jimmy Fallon is the Winner of the Late Night Wars (Pajiba) Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez are Dating (CelebJihad) Most Memorable Fictional Drugs in Movies and TV (Unreality) Girls in Bikinis Doing Yoga on Your iPhone (Asylum) Pics of Nevaeh Eden and Guitar Hero (RegretfulMorning) How to Survive an Earthquake (MadeMan) Johnny Greaves Record Truck Jump (AllLeftTurns)
"Aaaahhhh!!!! Jay's way better at this sucking up thing than I am!!!!"Elderly Americans may have a reason to celebrate and pound together their leathery, wrinkled, gnarled palms today. TMZ reported this afternoon that the ink is drying on a contract between NBC and Jay Leno for him to take back The Tonight Show. They report that Jay is in and the increasingly-disgruntled Conan O'Brien is out.HOWEVS, The Hollywood Reporter is Hollywood reporting that NBC denies any such contract exists. But what does NBC know and will there be a Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien much longer? Right now, that all depends on which news outlet you trust more; the one that carries an esteemed reputation or the one that posts pictures of dead celebrities. And if Conan is deposed, where will he go? Everyone's saying FOX and they do have an opening since The Magic Johnson Show was canceled, but Nikke Finke reports that Jeff Zucker has plans to "ice" O'Brien with a no-compete clause that would keep him off of any rival network "for 3 1/2 years."Story is developing and I will personally let all the old people in my family know what shakes out. For the meantime, they are to sit in their favorite chair and wear the Snuggie I sent them for Christmas. I'll alert you when it's time to assemble and do the wave.
The Simpsons just aired their 450th episode to celebrate 20 years of avoiding the network ax, but there’s still plenty more exciting things to come in Springfield. Al Jean, showrunner for 18 of the 20 years of The Simpsons (he only left to run The Critic for two short-lived seasons), told us about some exciting Simpsons events and guest stars coming up.“January 31st we have an episode where one of our fans created a character,” Jean said over drinks at the Fox party during the Television Critics Association winter press tour. “So that character debuts in that episode. Coming up we have Sarah Silverman in an episode. We have Sacha Baron Cohen playing an Israeli tour guide. We just recorded Jon Hamm today [Jan. 11] for an episode that airs in December.”More about the season finale after the jump.
Matt LeBlanc Auditions for Episodes – Watch more Funny VideosIn the above clip, Matt LeBlanc has to swallow his pride and audition to play himself in the new Showtime sitcom Episodes. As if the task wasn't degrading enough, he shuffles in to a waiting room full of Joey look-a-likes who all want to land the same role. It's reasons like this why LeBlanc is going grey. Episodes is about a successful British husband-and-wife comedy team who are lured by Hollywood to produce a new version of their hit series for a stateside audience. But they soon realize what the American execs have in store for their precious show – including replacing the erudite British lead with Matt LeBlanc. Check out today's imported links. Conan O'Brien's Next Job (HolyTaco) Amanda Seyfriend and Julianne Moore Make Out (Moviefone) School Pride + 9/11 = Fail (TotalProSports) 10 Best Animated Gifs of the Week (TheChive) Maxim.com's Hottest Blonds (Maxim) Japan Has Space Battleships Too! (FilmDrunk) 25 Great Moments in Brutal Honesty (Manofest) Spider-Man Reboots We'll Never See (Pajiba) Jay Leno to Bang Conan's Wife (CelebJihad) 10 TV Actors Who Need a Big Movie Break (Unreality) Prepare Your Eyes for the Upcoming 3D Onslaught (Asylum) FPS Gaming from a Female's POV (RegretfulMorning) How Your Girlfriend Ruined You (MadeMan) Racing Expos Connect Fans with NASCAR (AllLeftTurns) Dude Gets Mashed Up by Security in Lobby (NothingToxic) Check in with Doctor (Atom)
Hitler Weighs in on the OBrien/Leno Controversy – Watch more Funny VideosIt was only a matter of time until the ruthless dictator made his opinion of The Tonight Show controversy known. He's clearly on Team O'Brien, and is infuriated that NBC ruined his vacation to sunny Southern California. It was going to be suck a nice weekend for Hitler in Los Angeles. He was so looking forward to sitting in The Tonight Show audience and giggling joyfully at Conan's floppy red hair. And now NEIN!
Last night, late night television had a rip roaring good time ripping NBC a new asshole. Everyone is pretty amped up over the whole O'Brien/Leno debacle, and the hosts presented a unified front by expressing their disdain for the floundering network in their own special ways. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson, and even Conan himself didn't hold back. I've posted a couple of my favorite clips below from last night's roast of NBC. The first one shows Conan playing a game of Deal or No Deal with Howie Mandel in an effort to decide his future. The second is Jimmy Kimmel's monologue, where he decided to impersonate a certain big-chined "funny"man.
Alan Ball's HBO series True Blood is back in production, and they're letting everyone know with the above industrial video. I haven't seen that many bottles of blood since I rummaged through Angelina Jolie's jewelry drawer. (io9)Drink these links down real good-like.25 Eggs with Sharpie Faces (HolyTaco) Bubba Watson's Awesome Trick Golf Shot (TotalProSports) Hot Pics of Hot Jessica Chobot (TheChive) Mark McGwire's Guide to Hitting (Maxim) Check Out The Interactive Netflix Map (FilmDrunk) A Year in 120 Seconds (SuperTremendous) Ten Movie Couples Not to Have a Threesome With (Pajiba) Megan Fox Armani Underwear Pictures (CelebJihad) Fight Club Style Airline Manuels (Unreality) Consumer Reports Hates Your Snuggie (Asylum) The Answer to a Big Back Door Problem (RegretfulMorning) 10 Best Gadgets at CES (MadeMan) Cris Collinsworth NASCAR Fail (AllLeftTurns)
Tosh.0 Still Brings the Pain – Watch more Funny VideosDaniel Tosh is back to bring you the best viral videos on the web, and even hunt down and interview the whackjobs who are the featured stars/victims/sad excuses for the gift of life. Tosh.0 is a show for folks who are restricted from surfing the Internet all day to look at footage that would make Darwin roll over in his grave, and for folks who just like the funny boiled down and brought to them on a silver platter. Check out the quick preview of Tosh.0 above, and then tune into the premiere of the second season Wednesday January 13th at 10:30 E/P on Comedy Central.
And the fires from Heaven will rain down upon them, and only your chin will survive! Conan O'Brien is mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore. The current Tonight Show host has released a statement telling NBC they can go suck it, in so many words. He refuses to host the Tonight Show after Jay Leno, as he believes shifting timeslots would compromise the integrity of what he considers the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. It was NBC's plan to put Leno on at 11:35PM, followed by Conan at 12:05PM, but now that Conan is threatening to break his contract, the PeaCOCK is going to have to think again. FOX has made it more than clear that they think Conan would be a perfect fit at their prosperous network. No formal offers have been made yet, but inside sources say one is extremely likely in the near future. I imagine now that Conan has told NBC what's what, FOX is gathering its gaggle of lawyers together as I type this.Check out Conan's press release in its entirety after the jump.
Chuck fans got their wish for a third season, which premiered last night on NBC. Chuck’s got all his superspy stuff going on with Intersect 2.0 and his stunted romance with Sarah. We also saw Morgan return from Hawaii, single, and move in with Chuck. Joshua Gomez, who plays Morgan, told Screen Junkies that’ll give you a sense of where the rest of this third season is going. “My friendship with Chuck kind of comes back together and we kind of rely on each other a lot again and become roomies, finally become roommates and become a full on bromance,” Gomez said. “There’s big things at the store as far as Morgan is concerned, takes on a higher position. It’s some good stuff.”Morgan is there to help Chuck through the emotional times, but earning a promotion at the Buy More gives Morgan problems of his own. “He is no Emmet Milbarge, so the natives get a little restless because I don't think I’m tough enough,” Gomez said. “I think they’re one of me. I can level with them, I can communicate with them. I speak their language.”Read more from Joshua after the jump.
A perfectly good cello leans up against a porch support in the teaser for HBO's new series Treme. The cello is one of several sad, ownerless instruments featured in the tour of the New Orleans neighborhood in which the series is set. Treme, from The Wire creator (start creaming your jeans) David Simon, will examine New Orleans in much the same way The Wire examined Baltimore. Treme specifically focuses on the musicians living in the titular neighborhood. Check out the trailer below, and please make a donation if you can to provide a loving home for all the stray instruments. The trumpets are the first to be put down. HBO Series Treme Teaser – Watch more Funny Videos(via HBO)
That compelling storyline is comin' right for us!If you've been devotedly watching FlashForward recently and wishing there wasn't so much lag time in between the juicy, brain-wrinkling turn of events, then get ready to be happy. Screen Junkies got the opportunity to sit down with the show's creator and executive producer David Goyer, and he told us FlashForward is cramming a ton more story into season one than was originally intended:By the end of the season we will have burned through what I think I was originally thinking would be the first two seasons. One thing that we’ve done is we’ve moved things forward. We certainly are responding to some of the fans saying, “Are we not moving fast enough?” So we’ve kind of been given the opportunity now to answer a lot more questions and move faster. I will say that starting with our first two hour, we answer a ton. Answers are so much less infuriating than more questions. Steeped in so much mystery, the show was starting to become as frustrating as trying to figure out where to go to dinner with a girlfriend. "I want to go wherever you want to go. Well I want to go wherever YOU want to go. That's it! We're boiling hot dogs and drinking boxed wine."David Goyer also talked about the development of his current feature projects, including the origin story of X-Men baddie Magneto. He wouldn't give up much, but when asked if Magneto was still in the works, Goyer responded, "Yes."So there you have it, folks. Magneto is definitely maybe going to be hitting theaters sometime soon/never. Let's just hope Ian McKellen is still alive to see the premiere. Celebs are droppin' like flies these days. Don't you give me the stink eye, McKellen.(Source: Fred Topel)
As ordered by NBC, Leno administers the two-fingered enema.The gloves are off in the NBC/Leno/O'Brien debacle! Yesterday we reported that Leno might be replacing Conan on The Tonight Show, and now today we've learned it's not so much replacing as it is violently nudging. Apparently the suits over at NBC have given Leno his 11:30PM time slot back. Conan has the choice of either taking the 12:00AM, in which case Leno's show would be a half hour, or he can also decide to f*ck off completely. If Conan tells NBC brass to go screw themselves then Leno will get a full hour. So much hostility. Stop fighting, mommy and daddy, you're doing harm to the children!I suppose poor ratings for both shows can be blamed on this trist, or the fact that old people find Conan awkward looking and obnoxious, but it really all comes down to one super villain… You guessed it: Studio Mogul-Man.Smug son of a bitch…(via TMZ)
"Take him." "Take him."TMZ is reporting that NBC has a plan to fix their Leno problem but unfortunately it doesn't solve our Leno problem. Due to very poor ratings, the network is reportedly moving Leno back to his 11:30pm timeslot. No word yet on the validity of this report or how it will effect The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. Will Conan be pushed back an hour or ousted completely? This treatment is a bitch slap in the face to O'Brien considering his years with the network and the fact he uprooted to sunny California for the hosting gig. Don't they realize the sun can turn a ginger to ash? (TMZ)
Howard Stern sidekick and actor Artie Lange was admitted to the hospital this past weekend for undisclosed reasons and now the cause has come to light. According to the NY Post, Lange attempted to take his own life by STABBING HIMSELF NINE TIMES. That's so metal! It's 9 times more metal than Juliet Capulet's suicide and 4.5 times more so than Elliott Smith's. The bloodied funnyman was discovered by his mother who called 911. Surgeons were able to save him despite a massive loss of blood. Stern commented on-air, "We all have our demons. Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."Factoring together his eating, drinking, drugging, and stabbing-himself-nine-times habits, the man is obviously invincible. Perhaps he's the protector this world needs. If only he would stop copying Chris Farley. (NY Post)
It's that time of year when networks bust out a few new shows and returning favorites to fill the space that all the Fall season crap left behind. We've chosen our 10 mid-season favorites that through our in-depth analysis seem like the programs worth your precious time. Watch them live or set your DVR up for series record, but at least give them a chance. Then if they suck you can tell us to shove our horrible judgement up our asses. PARENTHOODWhat it's about:It's like the Ron Howard movie, but a TV show. Sorry, no Steve Martin, though. Follow the Braverman Family as they try to hold it together.When it's on:Mondays at 9:00PM E/P on NBC. Premieres March 1st. Why you should watch:
Last night on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visited a spa in Los Angeles that caters entirely to dogs. The experience was so revolting he urged Conan to move back to NYC. If Triumph wants to see something really revolting I suggest he visit any Hollywood club on a Saturday night. After five minutes of wading through a sea of douchebags he'll be on the next red eye out of LAX.Breathe in deeply and click these links:25 Funn College Gameday Signs (HolyTaco)Cuba Gooding Jr. Strips on Ice; Gets Cake in Face (TotalProSports)Sexy Motivational Posters (TheChive)Pics of Tiger's Mistress Jamiee Grubbs (Maxim)Deadpool Movie Gets Zombieland Writers (FilmDrunk)20 Greatest Last Supper Parodies of All Time (SuperTremendous)10 Best Netflix Gems of 2009 (Pajiba)Tila Tequila Inherits Lifetime Supply of KY Jelly (CelebJihad)So There WAS Supposed to be an Avatar Sex Scene (Unreality)Movies Teach Us How to Dispose of Bodies (Asylum)Tattoo'd Bombshell Michelle (RegretfulMorning)How to Fight off a Mugger (MadeMan)NASCAR and Avatar: In Perspective (AllLeftTurns)Brazilian Gangster Boards Bust to Shoot Passenger (NothingToxic)Paul F. Tompkins Prepares for Zombies (Atom)
If you want to watch the final season of LOST but don't know a damn thing that's happened, or if you're like me and the spray paint in the synapses of your brain has completely destroyed your memory, than check out this 8:15 recap of the first five seasons. It was put together by ABC and the writers of the show, so it should fully prepare you for the biggest event in television and world history. LOST: The Final Season starts answering all your questions on Feb. 2nd on ABC.
He got schooled by Matt Damon before and now an unruly concertgoer has jumped on the bandwagon. While performing at Harrah's in Atlantic City with his band The Honey Brothers this past weekend, Adrian Grenier was accosted. "You suck, Grenier!," screamed a heroic citizen after rushing to the front row and throwing a drink at the Entourage star. "Adrian looked shocked," recalls an eyewitness, "Security came running up to the stage and had the guy removed." Umm, to give him a medal I hope. Just kidding. Watch this video below. It's all the proof you need that The Honey Brothers don't suck (at sucking). (via NY Daily News)
With the final season of LOST premiering a month from now, ABC is stepping up their promotional push and thus, we have the LOST Supper. Is this an image steeped in religious metaphor? Or is it merely a recreation of my grandpa shocking us all by blurting out racial slurs in front of my Asian brother-in-law at Christmas dinner?Look at that smug, racist prick hiding behind his old-people-say-the-darndest-things shield. I knew it was a mistake to let him watch Gran Torino. (THR)
Easy Curves Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosIt's really that simple. Or even simpler, convince the girl in question you have a device of your own she can borrow. (via TVSquad) Click on these links to increase your size instantly! Gallery of Alabama Girls Vs. Texas Girls (HolyTaco) Fans Fall Head First in to Concrete (TotalProSports) Sexy Mail Order Brides in Costumes (TheChive) The Warren Beatty Sex Chart (Maxim) Kevin Smith Vs. NPH: Fight! Fight! Fight! (FilmDrunk) 20 Funniest Google Street View Photos (SuperTremendous) The Worst Movies of 2009 (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Gets Her Face and Crotch Creamed (CelebJihad) Time to Psychoanalyze the LOST Supper (Unreality) Historic U.K. Stature Turned into Homer Simpson (Asylum) 5 Types of People You'll Meet at Ikea (RegretfulMorning) How to Dress with Vampire Style (MadeMan) Nice Cortney Sauter Pics (AllLeftTurns) Cowboy Gets His Ass Stomped to a Soundtrack (NothingToxic) The Ultimate Fish Punching Reality Show (Atom)
Like Dexter and Paranormal Activity before it, Jersey Shore will be given the porn treatment. To clarify, Jersey Shore the program is being given the porn treatment, not the cast. The Jersey Shore castmembers are not in any pornos (yet). Zero Tolerance Entertainment has announced via the NSFW Popporn that they plan to artistically birth a porn parody of the MTV reality hit. Jersey Whores will be written and directed by Spock Buckton and Brian Bangs with Mike Quasar pointing a camera (and his penis) at it.I'm confused. Up until ten minutes ago I assumed Jersey Shore WAS a porno. Just one with an irritatingly slow build. Guess I'll pull my pants back on now. (via Warming Glow)
Jack Bauer and the case of Now Where Did I Park My Car… In spite of rumors that Jack Bauer would be playing peek-a-boo with his grandchild for 24 episodes of this season of 24, it appears the writers came up with something a tad more action-y. Who knew that Jack wouldn't be content settling down and enjoying the simpler things in life? I knew, because men who gauge out eyes with Bic pens don't just trade that in for fishie faces and ants on a log. Below is a trailer and a featurette for the brand spankin' new 8th season of 24. Yes, Jack has had seven miserable, exhausting, terrorist-filled days and it looks like he's in store for another one. Maybe this season ends with him battling the lack of oxygen getting to his brain. In other words, a stroke, like most normal people would have faced by now. The official synopsis goes as such:
I'm sure you all remember this monkey going apesh*t over magic tricks. Well now here he is purchasing baked goods and being chased by bulldogs. Things are slightly askew in Japan… (via WarmingGlow)
Did ya hear the news?!! You can be the envy of all your friends until 9:07pm February 2nd, 2010. That's right! 815 lucky viewers have the opportunity to view an exclusive sneak peek of the first six minutes of LOST season six.In order to do so, visit the sweepstakes site and answer six questions about the show. Winners will receive a digital "message in a bottle" that contains the opening minutes of the premiere four full days before it is scheduled to air. That gives you 96 hours and 6 minutes to feel self-important. After that, you're a schmuck like the rest of us.Am I going to enter? F*ck yeah. This is an out-of-context six minutes of LOST we're talking about here. (ABC)
Rob McElhenney, the creator and star of the FX comedy It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, looks like a man with a child actor's head. But that's not the story here.It's being reported that McElhenney has purchased a bar in Philadelphia along with his co-star/wife Kaitlin Olson. The plan is to name the grog house after Mac's Old Towne Tavern, the bar featured in the show. This guy is a genius. Not only does he come out of nowhere to co-create one of the best comedies on television, use that show to get a hot wife, but now he can also pay Danny Devito in beer with low overhead. Genius. (via Eater via Warming Glow)
Kourtney Kardashian is known for being the older, less attractive sister of Kim Kardashian. Also, she just had a baby. Gross. A word from Kourtney: "There's so many times I'll forget to take my pill and I don't think it's that big of a deal."Yeah, no big deal. The only downside is you get BABIES!!!Practice safe sex by checking out the pics after the jump.