Previously on "True Blood," the King of Mississippi offered to make Bill a Sheriff if he'd spill the beans on the Queen of Louisiana's plans, Bill lit his maker on fire, Tara met a (seemingly) nice vampire who, unbeknownst to her, was doing a little B & E at the Compton house, Jessica was looking to get rid of a corpse, Jason caught a meth dealer, Sam went for a run with his shape-shifting brother, and Sookie and Eric were about to deal with an intruding werewolf. Onto this week's episode, "It Hurts Me Too."MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
"Mad Men" is such an outstanding television program that creator Matthew Weiner doesn't want to give away ANYTHING for Season Four. Even in the new trailer, all we get is past footage. Granted, martinis and red-headed broads still wet my whistle, but at least gimme a taste of things to come. Damn you, Weiner! Fine! I'll tune in to AMC on Sunday July 25th, but I'm not going to enjoy it. Alright, I'll probably enjoy it.Check out the "Mad Men" Season 4 trailer after the jump…
Holly Madison shouldn't tempt such a ravenous monster.
You won't have Steve Carell to push around and peanut butter scalp massage anymore.Expect to see Dwight Schrute stand on his desk and exclaim, "O, Captain! My Captain!!," because Steve Carell has confirmed that he is out this bitch. Carell told Access Hollywood that he will not re-up his contract when it expires at the end of the seventh season of "The Office." The show is expected to continue without him, but it's unclear at this point if new characters will join the cast.Despite its talented cast and writers, I can't imagine "The Office" without Carell's Michael Scott. Then again, I couldn't imagine that a grown man would paint his nude body to resemble a Spider-Man costume. That serving of crow was a tough one to choke down.
Natasha Leggero, a Chicago native and fast tracking stand-up comic, shows us that girls can be funny and hot at the same time. She has worked on some of the best comedy improv shows around, like "Reno 911" and "Upright Citizens Brigade." While she may not be up there with Sarah Silverman for funniest (fartiest) lady of the year, she knows how to hold here own in the ever-challenging world of stand-up.A word from Natasha: "I've performed everywhere from clubs, laundromats, and even halfway houses. Halfway houses are a lot of fun, people laugh there, even though they may not have a lot of teeth."Laughing helps with the withdrawal. At least that's what my prick sponsor tells me. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!More pics of Natasha after the jump.
If it were in color it'd burn your retinas out.
Twitter has changed the rap game fo-ev-a, yo. In this music video, Jimmy Kimmel shows Drake he shouldn't waste anymore of his time writing original, intelligent, rhyming lyrics. Why try to say it better when Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher have already said it best? I can't wait until Ashton's Twitter-based album "Did You Know Fish Don't Have Eyelids?" goes platinum. (Vulture)
The Saturn Awards brought Screen Junkies some great T.V. scoops last night, including additional details on the fifth season of "Dexter." James Remar, who plays Dexter's dead father Harry and constant subconcious reminder of "The Code," stopped on the red carpet to discuss what's in store for the sympathetic serial killer. We've previously reported on plot and casting details for the upcoming season, but how will Harry help Dexter get through these troubled times, and keep him from sliding off the deep end? Or I suppose the DEEP deep end, since he kind of already murders people. GET THE HARRY DETAILS AFTER THE JUMP…
"Breaking Bad" recently finished up a creatively astounding third season on AMC, and left me wanting so badly I wouldn't be above breaking stuff to get a resolution to the nail-biting cliffhanger. Looks like I shouldn't be expecting answers anytime soon though. Screen Junkies caught up with series creator/exec-producer/creative genius Vince Gilligan on the red carpet at the Saturn Awards last night, and he shared with us some of his plans for Season Four of "Breaking Bad," including its tentative return date. CHECK OUT WHAT VINCE HAD TO SAY AFTER THE JUMP…
We showed you the first yucky image of a zombie from AMC and Frank Darabont's "The Walking Dead," a behind the scenes featurette, and the first production still of another yucky zombie. Now we've got two more images! One is yet another yucky zombie, and a pic of Andrew Lincoln, who's playing head motherf*cker in charge, small town cop Rick Grimes."The Walking Dead" premieres in October on AMC.Check out the stills after the jump…
Lord only knows where that finger has been.The soothsayers over at Hustler have done it again. Apparantly, the thought of the "Glee" cast rubbing their genitals together isn't a far-fetched scenario that exists only in parody porn and fan fiction. Ryan Murphy, the show's co-creator and producer, has been forced to ban sex in the kids' trailers. He creepily announced his decree to Telegraph UK:"But I have a rule: don't do it in your trailer. They've broken that rule on many occasions. I'm like, 'I know you guys are young and hormonal, but don't do it in your trailer'. I'm the dad, that's what I say'."This news makes me feel sad for the female castmembers. They must be so bored while all that sex is going on without them.
Mmmm…. close enough.Keith Allen Hayes is the latest to be cast in Frank Darabont's television adaptation of The Walking Dead in an unspecified role. It's speculated that he'll play Tyreese, the pro football player with a penchant for caving in zombie brains, who joins the survivors outside of Atlanta. Though I can see the resemblance, we're not even certain that the Tyreese character will be introduced in this first six-episode season, as he doesn't appear in the books until issue seven.I think it's far more likely that he'll play the role of Morgan Jones, the first (living) person Rick encounters after waking from his coma. But that's just me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to run some errands before the neighborhood bullies get out of school. (Dread Central)
Previously on "True Blood," Sookie and Jess (who just murdered a truck driver) were looking for Bill, Sam was looking for his birth parents, Eric was looking to unload all his V, Jason was looking into his soul after murdering Eggs, and Bill was looking to get medieval on some werewolves (but not the cool kind). And that's about it. Onto this week's episode, "Beautifully Broken."The episode opens with Bill having already kicked the asses of all the werewolves (for the most part). Seems as though you don't even have to use silver to kill these werewolves. And they can change back-and-forth at will. So I'm not even sure why they're werewolves. MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
The poster for "Mad Man" season 4 has hit, and it's clear that Don Draper needs a chair. If these are his new office digs for the new agency then I have to say kudos. With that view he can probably see so many people having sex in adjacent apartment complexes.In this new season, Don's getting a divorce from Betty and starting his own company at the same time. Someone get this eligible bachelor on a 60s gameshow, stat. He could impregnate an entire female audience with one smoldering glance.Season 4 of "Mad Men" premieres July 25 on AMC. (Ausiello)
Lola Glaudini is your friendly neighbor police/federal agent actress, either tracking down sociopaths in "Criminal Minds" or taking on the mob in "The Sopranos." With this summer's TV series "Persons Unknown," she gets another chance to show off her talents (and legs) as Kat, one of several mysterious people trapped in a ghost town.A word from Lola:"All the patterns are based off real patterns."Kind of like how these snozzberries taste like snozzberries… Very interesting. That's fine detective work, Glau Glau.Track down more pics of Lola after the jump.
A Moment of Eloquence With Denis Leary – Watch more Funny Videos Denis Leary is known for his potty mouth, and his show "Rescue Me" on FX about New York City firefighters is the perfect forum for his tirades. The above montage exemplifies the eloquence of the program, stringing together the terms c*ck, balls, tits, bl*w jobs, and balls again in a profound fashion. If Shakespeare was around to witness this evolution, I'm pretty sure he'd throw up in his mouth. And Leary would give him sh*t for it. Laugh your balls off when the sixth season of "Rescue Me" premieres next Tuesday June 29th on FX at 10PM/9C.
Do you like horror films? Do you like 80's Nostalgia? Do you like big boobs?If you answered yes to any of these questions, good news: "Elvira's Movie Macabre" is returning to the small screen. Everyone's favorite large-chested lady-ghoul is back, and will once again begin hosting her weekly horror program this fall.The show, which began in 1981, was a blatant "Vampira" knock off. But because Elvira, played by Cassandra Peterson, showed such wonderful cleavage, no one seemed to mind. Here's hoping that legend about vampires aging slowly is true, because those same cleavage shots won't be so wonderful if they stretch all the way to her kneecaps. (Dread Central)
Lauren German is a hot female movie heroine but with balls to boot, as she demonstrats in Hostel Part 2 when she cuts off a guy's balls. Catch her now on TV's "Happy Town" while ABC runs out the remaining episodes. A word from Lauren: "A drink offer is like a contract—it doesn’t mean you have to sleep with someone, but it does obligate you to talk to them."AND pretend be interested. Don't just like eye the bar for superior company or IM your friends about the loser you're talking to. We know, okay. And it hurts. Brush up on your German after the jump.
Have you ever wondered what it'd be like if a major rap star decided to make a song about an HBO show and then posted the video on the internet? Well wonder no more friend, cause Snoop Dogg has got you covered. The legendary rapper's new music video, "Oh Sookie," has hit the interwebs. Set in Bon Temps, the song features characters from HBO's hit show, "True Blood," including everyone's favorite "Fang Banger," Sookie Stackhouse. While making a video based on a TV show might not be considered "gangsta," at least Snoop isn't stooping to Ice Cube-levels with a crappy sitcom on TBS (Very Funny…but not "Ha Ha funny…funny sad). Watch Snoop Dogg perform "Oh Sookie" after the jump.
Natalie Zea made several guest stints on "The Shield" (one of the best shows ever!) playing a love interest to Michael Chiklis's Det. Vic Mackey. This would be the first time a television drama has taken the "Really Hot Woman Loves Fat Guy" conceit seen in almost every sitcom. She then showed her bare breasts in "Hung" while getting banged in a restaurant bathroom by Tom Jane, and is now Timothy Olyphant's ex-wife on "Justified." She looks amazing in a pencil skirt. A word from Natalie: "I have wonderful large cleavage with a contract and all the amenities… or I'm eating hummus." Whatever floats your boat. I'd be glade to share a tub of Sabra with you any day.More sophisticated pics of Natalie after the jump.
Marisa Millers Banned Guitar Hero Commercial – Watch more Funny VideosVictoria's Secret model Marisa Miller shot a commercial back in 2008 for Guitar Hero that was banned from television. If you have an issue with four half-naked Maria Millers dry humping guitars while their bosoms heave than you're probably a Socialist and I want nothing to do with you or your repressive ways.
UPDATE: HBO, Starz, and FX are also interested in this project. Everyone wants Kool-Aid!!!Kevin Spacey wants you to drink his Kool-Aid. The actor, who doesn't do a half-bad job of portraying psychos, is in talks with Showtime to star in a series called 'The Crux', in which he would play the leader of a high-profile cult. Rod Lurie, the writer-director of the underrated jailhouse flick The Last Castle, would pen the pilot script and most likely exec-produce the series.Spacey would have to wedge the show into his already full schedule of movie roles and being the artistic director for London's Old Vic Theatre. See, this is why you never take a job at some artsy-fartsy live stageshow joint. It restricts you from doing things people care about. Oh sure, educated people adoooooore the theater, but really, who talks that much in one room? (Vulture)
Daniel Tosh is back as master curator of viral videos. He chooses, pokes fun at, and even parodies some of the distractions you wait for your co-workers to IM you on a daily basis. One such video that I'm sure you helped infect the internet with is the Worst Wedding DJ Ever. The guy basically plays the bongos on a woman's floppy boobies. So why wouldn't Tosh get Motley Crue drummer and known lothario Tommy Lee to reenact that? Check out Lee beating away on some "cymbals" after the jump. "Tosh.0" premieres tonight at 10:30PM/9:30c on Comedy Central.
The oil spill destroys yet another beach.In today's economy, job security is almost non-existent. This is even true for those of us who get paid to be a raging douche bag and/or herpes spreading skank.TMZ is reporting that at least half the cast of "Jersey Shore" is facing the chopping block after MTV executives were "underwhelmed" by their performances this season. Obviously, this means there's been an overall decline in the number of teenage viewers renouncing Jesus Christ as their lord and savior, and someone at the network needs to be held accountable.The cast members in question are Lenny, Squiggy, Amerigo and "The C-Word." (TMZ)
Turtle takes a hit while covered in gasoline, the dummy. Uuuuuggghhhhh. "Entourage" is coming back and it looks like "Entourage." Vince is having complications with a movie he's starring in (wank), Drama can't get work (wank, wank), Turtle's trying to be an entrepreneur (wankity wank), E's trying to find grown men's suits that fit him and getting all gaga over Sloan (wankity doo), and Ari is yelling at people about agency expansion, growth, and erections (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank). These are what we at SJ like to call "rich man problems." Not having enough water to fill your cup of Ramen Noodles up to the indented line, that's a poor man problem. Unless your Turtle. I guess for him that could be a considered a rich man problem. The kid's gotta eat. "Entourage" premieres on HBO Sunday June 27th at 10:30PM EST. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Behold the awesome power of the laugh track. When added to the dark drama "Breaking Bad" it magically turns it into a sitcom about a zany father who won't leave his house. My favorite part of the video is the title sequence. They did a great job of cutting together the wackier character moments of the show. After that, the laugh track works in some parts, but I wouldn't exactly say there's a whole lot of set-up/punchline riffing. Let's not forget, the show is about a guy who sells meth and whose lung cancer is in remission. Cue the chuckles! Check out the "Breaking Bad" sitcom after the jump…
Danny McBride is back as Kenny Powers in September on HBO, but this teaser for the second season of "Eastbound & Down" isn't going to give you one lick of a look at him. If you like skulls though, it's pretty tight.Spend the rest of your time cuddled up with these links.Breaking Bad Is The Best Show On TV (TVSquad)World Naked Bike Riders Boycott BP (Asylum)Old Spice Actor Scores Big TV Deal (PopEater)WB To Do Don Quixote, Drink Terry Gilliam's Milkshake (FilmDrunk)How To Threaten a Coworker (HolyTaco)Christopher Walken: The Early Years (Unreality)Bro Getting Iced While Skateboarding (BroBible)Sit-Ups Have Never Looked So Good (TotalProSports)Canadian Cuties (Maxim)UFC 115 Fight Was At Risk Of Being Cancelled (CagePotato)10 DC Comic Characters That Should Of Been Adapted Before Jonah Hex (EgoTV)Two Sentence Movie Reviews (Smosh)Boobs And Superheroes (Pajiba)The Worst Stay-At-Home Dad (Atom)Most Expensive Soccer Ball Ever (MadeMan)
Hey gang. I've been tapped by my pals at SJ to cover "True Blood." Not because of my sterling prose or daring wit, but because I have HBO. So you're stuck with me. I'll keep it light and try to hit the key points of each episode. It will not be a shot-for-shot breakdown. Other sites handle that better than I could and if you wanted that, well, you could just watch the show, right?MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
We got to see a preview of some of the actors in zombie makeup for Frank Darabont's "The Walking Dead," and now AMC has sent over the first official production photo. The pic looks cool enough, but I would have preferred to see one of the walkers, you know, WALKING. This lame-ass zombie is doing a whole lotta crawling, reaching out for brains she sure as hell isn't gonna snag with her decomposing belly scooting along the grass. Perhaps it's cruel that the photographer is teasing her with these delicious cupcakes."The Walking Dead" premieres this October on AMC.
"Breaking Bad" is returning for a 4th season on AMC, Variety is reporting. The critically acclaimed show which chronicles the wacky misadventures of a cancer-ridden, meth dealing high school teacher, is one of the most expensive shows on basic cable. The $3 Million per-episode cost threatened to derail a fourth season, but a compromise was reached in which AMC agreed to chip in if the show goes over budget.Four years with terminal lung cancer? Either it's a very slow moving case, or my grandpa was a total pussy.