News - Page 58

ooooOOOOOoooo Friday the 13th. Car crashes go up by 50%, hobos get extra brazen, and Jason might come around from any corner and hack you to pieces–staying indoors and watching TV is highly reccommended. Tonight's lineup is spectacular, and as I've stated before, is easily the most underrated night of TV. Especially with the return of Terminator:TSCC and the premiere of Dollhouse. If you have to go outside, keep that shifty eyed look going for any black cats and full moons. Your preview after the jump.

'Tis Thursday, the night of laughter and merriment. Catch the conclusion to the cliff-hangered last Office episode, and a 30 Rock haunted by the likes of Saint Valentine himself. For God's sake, you've been on the internet too long. Turn on the television. Your preview after the break.

Unlike last week's rather unexciting lineup, tonight's chock full of TV goodies. Lost continues to unhinge from the boundaries of time, Demetri Martin premieres his new show (haven't you seen all our ads?!), and crazy Joaquin Phoenix guests on Letterman, where you know he's going to continue his questionable hi-jinks. What a night! Your preview after the jump.

An hour of Scrubs, where J.D. and Turk stage a comedy show with their interns, and then a deadly toxin is melting peoples faces off/killing them on an very very very special new episode of Fringe. Your preview after the jump.

Sketch comedy is kinda dead, and the millions of people who can upload unfunny videos to the internet are the ones who killed it. The Whitest Kids U'Know are one of the few troupes that still seem to be able to do something with the format. They moved to IFC last year and have been putting out solid content ever since. The show is only 15 minutes per episode, defiantly NSFW, and damn funny. New show tonight at 7. More vids at their IFC Site. Their first movie, Miss March is coming out March 13th.

So things are a little hairy right now, what with the crumbling world econmoic order and all. Thankfully we have Obama to make everything ok. Didn't you see that South Park Episode? Unfortunately the Pres. is also replacing House tonight, but don't fret, 24 and Heroes are coming at you with new episodes. Your preview after the jump.

Frak, Football, and Fridays add up to make the most underrated day of the week on the TV. Both BSG and FNL have huge cult followings and there's a reason why: they're good shows. Get on the Friday three-letter abbreviated show train folks, you won't be dissapointed. Your Friday TV preview after the jump. 

Finally Michael, Liz, Jim, Creed, Tracy, Pam, Dwight, Kenneth, Jenna, Ryan Kevin, Andy, Darryl, Cerie and Salma Hayek are all swinging back to making us LOAO in their regualr slots with new episodes. Hold on to your butts, Thursday's TV preview right after the jump, giggles.

'Hump' like middle of the week. Listen, we keep it clean around here. Tonight's TV has the Lost Island going through more crazy TimeWarps, and the team at Lie to Me investigate a young schoolgirl who was murdered. Get the line up here.

Roddy has stunk up the great state of Illinois, the American political system, and now he has the nerve to stink up TV by trying to regain any last shreds of dignity on shows like The View and Larry King Live. Tonight, he visits Letterman, who has bashed him consistently since being arrested 2 months ago. 1 hour of Scrubs and a new airborne virally infected Fringe preserve TV's good name. Enjoy. Ps, Blagojevich.

Heyz to you all. I waz jest eating mah carrat thingies for breakfast when old crayzee eyez got a hold on meh and launched me into da skies. Ok, enough of that. Heroes is back on. Here's your nightly roundup. 

I have no idea how this steered clear of my radar for so long. It's a show, financed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, airing on MTV, about a team of traveling news reporters who all have disabilities. It's being touted as an "inspiring" story. Here's some background that I found on the website and the video preview.

With repeats of 30 Rock and The Office, the final audition round for American Idol, and a Super Bowl Bash, there's nothing too hot on TV to get your panties in a bundle over. That being said, there are always solid movies–so pop up some Redenbacher Indiana Hoosier-berries and watch some Toob. Here are your options.

Did you forget who the hottest babes of 2008 were? It's ok. TV has you covered by rounding up a list of 100 beautiful babies from the year previous. After your eyes have been baraged by boobs, you should probably challenge your brain with the newest episode of Lost. Here's you're lineup. 

Tonight's TV gives you the choice of an hour's worth of absurd comedy from the brilliant people at Scrubs, OR an hour's worth of Fringe where the team has to find out why people's brains are being liquefied (then presumably mixed with Hennessy and sipped).Plenty more brain juice after the jump.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Jack Bauer spent it giving ladies the shocker (pictured above). Mine consisted of book shelving, cheap wine, and witnessing a midget dressed as Britney Spears strip to her underwear (Lil Wayne concert = worth the money). Tonight, House cares for a special ed teacher, and 24 heats up with Bauer starting to make his moves against the bad guys he's currently working for (crossing my fingers for a terrorist attack!). One of the greatest/funniest/golfiest movies of all time is also on tonight. More after the jump.

Just your typical Thursday Night TV– a solid chunk of laughs with new episodes from The Office and 30 Rock. And hey, why not dial into TruTV as a fallback during the commercials? Where else are you going to find the best penile fractures and crack fueled attempts at outrunning a helicopter with a 1987 Buick LaSabre? With music by Benny Hill.

If you've never seen Lost, then tonight is your night. The first hour attempts to recap everything that happened in the past four seasons, and then they proceeds to bombast you with a two hour premiere that will leave you stupeified and asking for more. Also check out FOX's new series Lie to Me starring Tim Roth as an expert in lie detection who helps the cops solve crimes. Would I be lying if I said I'm crapping my pants in anticipation for Lost? You be the judge.

FROM: HOLY TACO. Why someone would want to be confronted with paternity test results on national television is beyond me. But then I'm also not addicted to meth, Aqua Net, and Value Cigarettes. Click HERE to witness some of these amazing reactions.

Barack Obama and his Super Friends take over all the stations for prertty much the entire day and night. You have every channel commenting on every single gesture everyone makes, with interspersed shots of really excited people screaming and jumping to be seen on TV at the biggest bash of all time. What, you're not drunk yet? I'm trashed! Surprisingly, FOX is running their regular schedule, which includes the return of Fringe. Welcome to the age of Obama!

I've been watching the MSNBC inauguration coverage out of the corner of my eye today. With the few delays– like Ted Kennedy having a seizure and a few gaffs– like Chief Justice John Roberts bungling the inaugural oath, it's been a pretty amazing day in DC, and the anchors have done a solid job. They spent some time talking about how cock-diesel the new Presidential Limo is. 5 inch thick blast proof doors, chemical attack-proof oxygen system, and other things we'll never know about. But what they didn't mention was that this bad-boy gatling gun suburban rolls behind it in the motorcade parade that's currently taking place. Hope and change are important and all. But if things go south, spraying a wall of lead is a nice backup plan. Check this video.

Here's a sobering MLK DAY factoid for you: 2000 was the first year all 50 states recognized it as a Federal holiday after it was passed as law in 1986. Ponder that a little bit, try to figure out why people wouldn't want a day off work, and then give yourself over to the TV. House is back in action tonight after a 4 week holiday break, and some terrorists are going to piss off Jack Bauer by flying planes into eachother. Your TV lineup after the jump.

  Dear Mr. President, My Name is Max Powers. I watch a lot of TV. Tonight you are going to be on TV. This is the last time that you are going to be on the TV (like all official as the president) and you will be giving your farewell goodbye-bye talk. I hope nobody throws shoes. They probably will not because you are giving the talk in America and not Durka-Durakastan. Do you ever watch The Office? Now that is a funny show. So is 30 Rock. They will also be on TV with you. Not with you, but like also on tonight. Sincerely, Max Powers. PS, Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.

Dear Mr. President,

FROM CAGE POTATO: We open with the hair-raising voice of punk-legend/TV host Henry Rollins: "They are bitter rivals from different worlds. A stone-cold champion from the frigid streets of Montreal, and a hot-blooded challenger from the black sands of Hilo Bay…" So begins the first episode of UFC Primetime, the "St Pierre vs. Penn 2" promotional mini-series that reportedly cost $1.7 million to produce, with each episode being completed just hours before it airs. Check out the full recap at Cage Potato.

Take a breather, there's nothin' new tonight (except Knight Rider, where a bomb placed inside KITT will explode if he goes under a certain speed–Dennis Hopper's prob behind it). On the other hand, there's a rerun of the 2hr season 4 finale of Lost to get you super psyched for the return of the show, a top 10 countdown of the dangers associated with volcanic eruptions (#1 is skinny girls burn faster than fat ones), and a showing of Napoleon Dynamite. Dont worry, there's an eruption of TV premieres coming up (The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, House, Lost).

Tonight we have another full hour of new Scrubs on its new network, the most enjoyable aspect of Amerian Idol (the tryouts) and some Will Smith in I, Robot. Here's your daily digest of what's worth watching.

The 24 premier-a-thon continues with 2 more hours of Jack Bauer tonight. The people over at FOX have also started a Terminator:TSCC blog that will be releasing weekly video podcasts about production of the show (and tons of other nerdy crap for us to chew on before the show premieres Feb 13th). Man vs. Wild premieres tonight, or poop your pants to a screening of the The Shining. 24 2 Hours starting 8/7c on FOX Jack Bauer (24) kills a terrorist vampire style on – Watch more Movie Trailer

(Kevin Connolly is 2.5ft tall) Awards shows are pointless. They are for gay dudes, lonely women, and people who work in the entertainment business. The Golden Globes last night showed just how utterly predictable most of them can be. Do you really need to have a panel of judges tell you that Heath Ledger deserved to win for The Dark Knight? No. You saw the movie and made your own decision, and it wasn't hard. But for some reason I still get a surge of pride when my predictions come true. It's basically like a long, drawn out game of Jeopardy.  With that said, here's the breakdown from last nights Globes, and a few pictures of hot women.

Two Heisman trophy winners and two of the top most skull-crushingest teams, but only one National Champ. It's FOOTBALL night on the TV, with one little hitch. You have the choice of take advantage of Thirsty Thursday and catching the game at a bar OR staying home and piling two TV's on top of each other so you can watch the game AND the return of 30 Rock. Tonight's episode features uber-babe Salma Hayek as a guest in a nurse uniform. At least that's what the official NBC synopsis has lead our boners to believe. Decisions decisions gents.