In my continued break down of the new fall TV shows where I tell you what to watch and what to skip, after debating lawyer shows last week, I am now taking a peek under the hood of the cop shows.
Never does a season go by on network television where a new cop show or two fails to debut. In fact, the cop show is the most popular TV longform genre in the history of da’ tube and this season is keeping the streak alive with a handful of police entries. Don’t get too excited, though. Only a couple of them are worth a glance.
WATCH IT: “Hawaii Five-0” (CBS), Mondays at 10 pm (ET)
It looks like the second time's the charm for comedian Louie C.K. Collider is reporting that FX has renewed his show, "Louie", for another 13 episode season.
After striking out with his first sitcom, "Lucky Louie", C.K. has found a winning formula. Although "Louie" has been uneven and somewhat clunky, it seems to be getting better as it goes along. Besides, the show could consist of Louie C.K. sh*tting on a bunch of war orphans, and it would still be funnier than 99.9% of the crap on TV.
All up-and-coming comedians need to pay the bills somehow, and acting in TV commercials is a better somehow than busing tables. Tina Fey may be a big hot shot deal now, but back in the day she was a Mutual Savings Bank loyalist. At least for 30 seconds. I guess this is how you said "hi" in the 90s?
Previously on "True Blood," Bill's ex, Lorena, tortured Bill. The King proposed to the Queen and she accepted (with Eric’s help). Jesus found out that Lafayette deals V and was none too happy. Jason hooked up with new girl Crystal but then found out she's engaged. Sam found out that Tommy competes in dog fights. Tara bashed Franklin's head in. Sookie found Bill but was immediately caught, and then bit, by Lorena. And now on to this week's episode…
More after the jump…
Nicole Eggert is back on TV!! Ready your DVRs, boys!!!
Sorry, avid masturbators frozen in ice in the early 1990's who are now being thawed and rescued. The world as you knew it has undoubtedly changed. The babes of "Baywatch" — Traci Bingham, Nicole Eggert, Gena Lee Nolin, and Donna D'Errico — are not the starlets they once were. Egged on by the VH-1 washed-up celebrity craze, the sun-damaged quartet are now living together for a new reality show where each pushes their individual business ventures (as well as the limits of what we're willing to call a reality show).
Eggert is working on her new workout DVDs, Bingham has opened a dating service, Nolin has written a book about post-partem depression, and D'Errico has become a conspiracy theorist. I honestly couldn't have predicted these career paths for the former lifeguards, and from the recent pictures I've seen of Nicole Eggert, maybe she shouldn't use a reality show to hawk her workout DVDs. She should use a radio show. (Variety)
Hope you RSVP'd.
If you've ever watched an episode of "Mad Men" you're probably aware that the characters like to throw a few dozen back. Doesn't matter what time of day it is or what's in the glass. Scotch, whisky, moonshine, turpentine, they've downed it all. Here's a montage that mixes all of those moments together in one delicious serving. (WarmingGlow)
Coming from the current land of Babetopia, Canada, Shay Mitchell is a great example of Western flavor meets Eastern flavor, as this hot Eurasian shows off on "Pretty Little Liars" each week. And to boot, Shy is primed for some family-friendly girl-on-girl action, as her character of Emily Fields has a big gay secret. Looks like I have a new show to DVR.
A word from Shay: "I hate dieting. Let's just say that."
The kind of girl I can share a chicken finger macaroni and cheese french fry sandwich with. I'm in love.
More pics of Shay after the jump…
Lizzy Caplan is returning to the world of underrated cable comedy. Deadline reports that she's teaming up with Will Ferrell and Adam McKay to develop the dating disaster memoir "I Don't Care About Your Band" into a comedy series for HBO.
Based on the sh*tty dating experiences of comedienne Julie Klausner, "I Don't Care About Your Band" will star Caplan as a young woman who dates man-boys perpetually. Whether they be hacky improv comedians or callow would-be rockstars. What that means is we'll most likely see Caplan wrapped in dinosaur-print bedsheets while asking, "Where is this relationship headed?"
Jennifer Lopez…in happier times.
With the departure of Ellen Degeneres from "American Idol," Fox has some big, sensible shoes to fill. And it looks like they'll be filling those shoes with Jennifer Lopez's giant ass.
Deadline is reporting that Lopez signed a secret deal to replace Degeneres sometime last week. However, producers are still looking for a replacement for Simon Cowell. Rumor has it that the reanimated corpse of Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler is the frontrunner. As you probably remember, Tyler killed himself after recording "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" for the Armaggedon soundtrack back in 1998.
Personally, I think the two are a perfect fit. Lopez will bring back the washed-up singer vibe perfected by Paula Abdul, and Tyler's beastly face will allow viewers to snicker and crack jokes, helping to fill the meanness void that will result from Cowell's departure.
A former stage manager on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" is suing the show and host for sexual discrimination. But not the sexy Bill O'Reilly kind. The other kind where Fallon didn't want to be groped by men. What a jerk he is.
Paul Tarascio of Oradell has filed the complaint with the U.S. Equal Opportunity Employment Commission and the New York Division of Human Rights. He claims he got demoted and then fired from his job on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” because, he was told, “Jimmy just prefers to take direction from a woman,” his lawyer tells us. The complaint also alleges that Fallon wanted only female technicians to place microphones on him, and only after a succession of women weren’t up to the task, he allowed a man, someone he’d worked with previously, to do the job.
When reached for comment, Fallon tried to tell a joke but giggled uncontrollably and nervously played with his hair. That's what we get for hiring Horatio Sanz as our field reporter. (Warming Glow)
I smell a rat…a big commie rat.
Actor Paul Giamatti has joined the cast of HBO's upcoming project, K Blows Top, and will portray Soviet Leader Nikita Khrushchev during his 13-day visit to the U.S in 1959. The title of the film, which is based on a book by the same name, comes from a New York Daily News’ headline describing a tantrum thrown by Khrushchev upon learning his scheduled trip to Disneyland had been postponed.
Tom Hanks’ Playtone will produce the project, along with HBO, and marks the second collaboration between Hanks and Giamatti on a historical film for the network. Hanks also produced John Adams, an HBO miniseries in which Giamatti played the lessor known brother of brewer and patriot, Samuel Adams. (Collider)
Over the next few weeks I'll be breaking down the new fall TV shows, telling you what to watch and what to skip altogether. It's your choice if you want to listen to me, but before you make a decision, you should know that I own several television sets, so I'm somewhat of an expert on this subject.
Today we tackle the lawyer shows. Attorneys and law-types have long been fascinating subject matter for TV, from your grandparents’ love of “Perry Mason” to your ex-girlfriend’s obsession with “Ally McBeal.” Well now a new cycle of law shows are hitting the small screen this fall. And as is usually the dillio, some are worthy of your dedication, while others make jury duty seem more appealing.
WATCH IT: “The Defenders” (CBS), Wednesdays at 10pm (ET)
Brad Pitt is an old man for real this time. According to producers of CBS's "Survivor" that is. The show is taking an ageist position by pitting the 20 castmembers of "Survivor: Nicaragua" into two tribes: young and old. The old tribe will be made up of people 40 and over, while the young tribe will consist of those 30 and younger. Not sure what they plan to do with those between the ages of 30 and 40. Will they exterminate them a la Logan's Run? If so, I've gotta get my middle-aged ass the f*ck out of Nicaragua!! (Deadline)
A new trailer for season three of "Sons Of Anarchy" looks as bad ass as one would expect. Jax seems a bit down after the events of last year, but that's nothing gunfights, fistfights, and burying a guy in the sand up to his neck and then running his face over can't fix. It's the simple things in life that bring us the most joy. Let the healing begin.
Get revved up by the new trailer after the jump…
Comedian/actor Nick Swardson has a new show coming to Comedy Central in October called "Nick Swardson's Pretend Time." I was invited to visit the set a few months ago, and will share some of that footage with you once it gets closer to the premiere date. I know you guys are savages though, so in the meantime, here's a clip about a disabled cat in a wheelchair. His name is Mr. Stitches the Trust Fund Kitty and he rolls around with b*tches and blow just like Stephen Hawking.
I'm officially sold on this show. I've loved Nick Swardson's particular brand of humor ever since I caught his early stand-up special way back when. In my book, any man who mixes drugs, boobs, and felines without feeling below the waste deserves a shot. It's a weird book I keep. (WarmingGlow)
Check out the clip after the jump…
Previously on "True Blood," Jason hooked up with mysterious newcomer Crystal. Lafayette got a new boyfriend/stalker, Jesus. Franklin proposed to Tara. Eric found out that the King killed his Viking dad a thousand years ago or so. Sam and Tommy bonded, much to the chagrin of their white trash dad. Bill went to Sookie to tell her to leave, the King and Cooter followed and Sookie used her Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique on Cooter's face. And now onto "True Blood" episode 3.6, “I Got a Right to Sing the Blues.”
Apparently the hand trick can only be done once because the King drags Sookie and Bill back to his pad. Bill waits until they're safely back in the King's house before he stakes the King's bodyguard who turns into a pile of strawberry preserves.
More after the jump…
Chandra West has been the forgetten strong hold of TV hotness either when she is playing doctor on "NYPD Blue" or on the short lived HBO series "John From Cincinnati." She lends her blonde vixen stare to this summer's ABC series "The Gates," where she plays a suburban witch (a.k.a. b*tch?).
A word from Chandra: "I do like vampires. I don't know if it's the neck or feeding off people's blood, which doesn't sound too appeasing when you think of it."
Amazing. Another girl who likes vampires. Maybe you can my gf can gab about it over cosmos.
More pics of Chandra after the jump…
The CW released this poster of extremely attractive Asian actress Maggie Q for their new series "Nikita." Here, Q sits incorrectly in a chair while dressed like a Mortal Kombat character. Really, what is the practical use of those sleeves? To keep certain sections of the arm warm??
Anyway, we haven't seen any footage yet because Longshanks was too busy not getting into the Marvel panel at Comic-Con to see the "Nikita" panel, but the show has all the elements of a hit. Maggie Q, tight clothes, and girls fighting (probably in the rain). At any rate, I'll tune in just to get a better look at that tattoo. What is it? A flower or scorpion or something? We're really going to need a closer look at that ass, CW. (WarmingGlow)
Get a closer look at that ass after the jump…
We finally have a look at the fifth season of "Dexter" and it looks crazy. I don't want to spoil too much for those ignant enough to have not checked out the show yet, but I will say the fourth season finale left the series at an inspired crossroads. Here we have two looks at the new season that pick up exactly where season four left off with Dexter experiencing guilt for the first time in his life. No sign of Robocop or Julia Stiles in these promos, just a whole lot of gut-wrenching drama. On Sunday, September 26th at 9PM, I plan on shrink-wrapping myself to the couch as to not miss a single second of the highly-anticipated premiere on Showtime.
Get your first look after the jump…
Steven Seagal goes through more phases than Barbie. So far, we've seen Mafioso Seagal, Reggae Musician Seagal, Environmental Activist Seagal, Gangsta Seagal, Asian Seagal, Jimmy Buffet Seagal, and Southern Lawman Seagal. It looks like his Southern phase is going to extend just a bit longer, with the news that Seagal will topline the TV crime procedural "Southern Justice."
The inexplicable decision to have Seagal bring his Southern swagger (born in Michigan, raised in California) to the mean streets of Seattle may sound like groan-worthy television to you. To me, it sounds like the gilded voices of autotuned angels. Nobody sweats another culture like Seagal and the results are magnificient. I cannot wait for "CSI" Seagal. There's nothing bad that can come of this. Unless you're a female member of the crew. My advice is to pair up with a buddy on-set and never let them out of your sight. (Moviehole)
Beau Garrett is a model turned actress that made her splash with "Entourage" back in 2006. Since then she has been the sexy blonde shadow behind Olivia Wilde as they've teamed up together in Turistas, "House," and the upcoming Tron Legacy. She used her sexy talents, sans WIlde, on a recent episode of A&E's Floridia-based cop drama "The Glades."
A word from Beau: "I love being able to push myself and be in the jungle barefoot in a bikini, cold, wet, tired, and seeing how far I could go."
We'd never work. I'm too attached to air conditioning and feeling carpet between my toes.
More pics of Beau after the jump…
Movie poster master and Frank Darabont brosef, Drew Struzan whipped up this "The Walking Dead" poster for Comic-Con. Col. Hans had better come back with stacks of these, or not come back at all.
When you're done coveting, point your eyes at these links…
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What's The Best Alien Invasion Movie? (Asylum)
11 Rejected "Ramona And Beezus" Movie Titles (HolyTaco)
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15 Classic Batman TV Show Villains (EgoTV)
An Overlooked Classic: Armond White's Review Of 'Coyote Ugly' (Pajiba)
Joakim Noah Goes Bong Shopping (TotalProSports)
Snoop Dogg Tries To Rent A Country (Smosh)
Lindsay Lohan Goes To Jail, The X-Rated Version (BroBible)
Taylor Lautner Is A Real Fancy Boy (CelebJihad)
James Toney Maybe In For A Rude Awakening (CagePotato)
Brits Fighting Brits, Rhona Mitra Rails Against BP(PopEater)
Dennis Hopper's Venice Beach Compound (MadeMan)
Holly Marie Combs was the sexy middle sister in the babe trio of "Charmed" for eight magical seasons. Trying to out-sexy Alyssa Milano would have required a spell of massive proportions. Holly has climbed the TV show charts over the years and now oozes MILF appeal on the new ABC Family series "Pretty Little Liars."
A word from Holly: "Your faith in yourself is all you will ever have. Don't let anyone take it away from you, ever."
I keep my faith in myself in a jar under my bed. No one will ever find it. No one..
More pics of Holly after the jump…
Copper Cab, you have been warned.
Zachary Adam Chesser, a Virginia man, has been arrested for threats he made against "South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Incensed over the show's depiction of the Prophet Mohammad in a bear costume, Chesser posted graphic images of slain Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh with the warning that Parker and Stone would end up dead as well. Muslims love themselves some Prophet Mohammad and many regard any depiction of the Prophet as offensive. For the extremists, that offense is punishable by death. You should see what they do when you break the rules of Fight Club.
Chesser was prevented from boarding a flight earlier this month from New York to Uganda. It was his intention to then travel on to Somalia where he would join the terrorist organization al Shabaab. Chesser became interested in Islam in 2008, but claims to not believe in or condone acts of terrorism or violence. Unless you consider posting death threats accompanied by mutilated corpses on the Internet as a show of support. That's a gray area. (Reuters)
Seth MacFarlane has stolen the Friars Club crown and sceptre from insult king Jeffrey Ross, as Comedy Central has chosen the "Family Guy" creator to head the Roast of David Hasselhoff. The evening, which is sure to not lack in fast food-centric material, will also feature Pamela Anderson, Whitney Cummings, Greg Giraldo, Lisa Lampanelli, (a scorned) Jeffrey Ross, Jerry Springer, and Hulk Hogan. Ah yes, the wild card. There's always one of them, like Bea Arthur at the Pam Anderson Roast or George Takai at the Shatner one. I just hope Hogan is writing his own material instead of using Lampenelli's toss-outs. The jokes about black guys wanting to f*ck him won't pack the same punch. (Movieline)
From the creators of the touching drama, George, comes a new thriller featuring the "Seinfeld" gang. In this superbly edited trailer for Serenity Now, a group of close friends deal with the aftermath of a murder most foul. It's astounding how a bombastic score makes the madness in Newman's eyes glint even brighter.
Check out the Serenity Now trailer after the jump…
Kimberly Fisher might be someone you've seen during your sleepless nights watching Showtime's after dark special "Hotel Erotica Cabo." This Alaskan native has made a good name for herself in the soft-core business, and is really moving up fast, having recently starred in "Entourage," as an uncredited 'Agent'.A word from Kimberly: "Going to school is my expensive hobby…other people play golf or collect stamps, I like to take classes."A lot of people manage to find the time to do all three of those things… More pics of school-enthusiast Kimberly after the jump…
MTV News went behind the scenes of AMC's "The Walking Dead," currently shooting in Atlanta, and snagged some awesome footage of a tank with zombies surrounding it. The show will be about more than that, but a tank with zombies surrounding it is always a good start. The author of the graphic novel, Robert Kirkman, and writer/executive producer/director of the pilot, Frank Darabont, give us some inside info on the zombie apocalypse series, the latter while wearing a Hawaiian shirt, of course. Needless to say, I'm amped for "The Walking Dead" to premiere in October. Since the leaves don't change color in L.A., it's all I have to look forward to.Check out the video after the jump…
Last week on "True Blood," Tara got abducted by Franklin and he brought her to the King of Mississippi. Sookie and Alcide went to a werewolf party where they found out the King is giving the asshole werewolves his blood. Bill joined the King, broke up with Sookie, and then ate a stripper with the King and his ex, Lorena. The Magister found Eric's V operation and Eric blamed it on Bill. Sam gave his family a place to live and his brother a job. Jason blackmailed Andy into making him a cop. That's basically the important stuff. This week I'm changing things up a bit so I don't have to constantly shift back-and-forth between plot lines. I'll do them in solid chunks, so realize that the recap that follows isn't necessarily the chronology of the episode. RECAP AFTER THE JUMP…