Want to watch a three hour long inside joke between annoying celebrities and 14 year old girls? Neither did I, but I have a duty and if that means having to watch Russell Brand bomb for longer than any comedian in history, then so be it.

Russell who?
Remember that British guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Well, apparently he's famous in the UK. Here in the States, however, he's the least funny person I have ever seen. This guy makes Larry the Cable Guy look like George Carlin.

Britney Spears
After last year's brilliant South Park episode should've been the end of Britney's run, but MTV keeps propping her up, Weekend at Bernie’s style and dragging her out on stage to get people talking. Her bit at the beginning with Jonah Hill seemed like it was written by a 13-year old for drama class.

Getting through Katy Perry and Rihanna's performances was made far easier because of how hot they looked, but everything else was just terrible. I had never heard the Jona Brothers before last night. Now that I have, I wish I hadn't. I heard Hanson whenever it was they were famous and this is pretty much the same thing. Only this time the haircuts are even gayer.

Promise rings and voting booths:
Apparently The Jonas Brothers wear rings to remind themselves not to have sex and that's some kind of a big deal. I have one of those, it's called my wedding ring (zing!). Everyone mentioned it, even the presenters who all seemed to to support the idea. Except for the host, of course, who was too busy making fun of America and inspiring comments like this from MTV.com members:

"I won't watch MTV anymore. The fact that MTV allowed this Brand jerk to use an award show for his political opinon when he doesn't even have a right to vote in our country. MTV shoud issue an appolgy to President Bush, Sarah Palin and her daughter, Republicans and Democrats not to mention the Jonas Brothers for his offensive language and behavior. Shame on you MTV for allowing someone like him to disrespect our country like that...but I guess when you are compared to KMART you get cheap entertainment. The performers deserved better then Brand for a host and poor Brittiany had to endure him as well. An email is hitting the internet to boycott MTV until they make him applogized better than he did to the JONAS BROTHER"

That's it. I'm never watching another one of these again. It doesn't even make sense. They don't even show videos on MTV. That's like BET holding the Pro Bass Fishing Awards. Actually, that I would watch.