MTV Is Still Doing Those Damn VMAs, So I Guess Here Are The Nominees. Whatever.

Thursday, July 17 by
Things could be worse. We could have Michael Stipe flaunting social issues with t-shirts.  

Yes, yes, MTV doesn’t play videos any more so the whole premise of the awards show is irrelevant. We’ve been saying that for about 12 years now, to the point that the criticism itself may be more obnoxious than the very thing it’s criticizing.

Nah. The thing it’s criticizing is still worse. Nonetheless, I guess MTV makes some money off these things, or maybe Hannah Montana is paying for them out of pocket, but there will be Video Music Awards on August 24th.

To the show’s credit, some decent acts are up for awards, but those were probably hand picked to get a broader audience so that more people can watch Iggy Azalea fuck a goat, or whatever contrived controversy that manifests itself during MTV’s wrap-up show.

Beyonce leads with eight nods because…she fierce! Eminem is up for seven because he slightly less fierce. Also, a lot of people probably thought he was dead or retired, but here he is, getting MTV VMA Ns (I decided to shorten “Nominations” so that the phrase is nothing but acronyms. I’m a completist.) Iggy Azalea also got seven Ns as well, but that’s far less surprising, because a white person appropriating black culture is always good for commercial and critical success. Just ask…I don’t know…oh! Eminem.

If you’re of a Pitchfork type of guy or gal, you can hang your hat on Ns for Kanye West, Arcade Fire, Drake, Arctic Monkeys, the Black Keys, Sia, Lorde, Jack White, Ariana Grande, Charli XCX, Schoolboy Q, Disclosure, Angel Haze, Lana Del Rey, Gesaffelstein, MGMT, and Tyler, the Creator.

Can we please just call him “Tyler” now? The only thing more annoying than typing “Tyler, the Creator” is having to add that little comma-pause in there when you say his name.

And Drake will be there. Because it’s legally not an award show unless Drake or Neil Patrick Harris are in attendance.

Remember: VMAs, August 24th. Be there or…be somewhere else. It just doesn’t matter anymore.

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