Who has a level of general insanity that would allow them to serve as a suitable replacement for Mariah Carey?
Why, Kanye West, of course. The mad genius rapper is in talks to sit as a judge on American Idol to have contestants explain why the auto-tuned unicorn sounds were so low in the mix, only to have them say that there were never any auto-tuned unicorn sounds in the mix, and that he must have been hearing what he wanted to hear.
While Yeezy is uncertain that he wants the gig (because isn’t banging out Kim Kardashian mainstream enough?), the $18 million per year that he’s being offered serves as a compelling argument.
Nicki Minaj is also close to signing on to sit, meaning that the producers would possibly need a fourth judge’s seat to serve Mr. West.
For some reason this doesn’t sit well. Kanye’s idiosyncrasies lend themselves much more to late-night Twitter rants than they do primetime TV, but it’s like Kanye West always said:
Ever had sex with a Pharaoh? Put the pussy in a sarcophagus.
Wait. No. That’s not it.
No more drugs for me, pussy and religion is all I need.
No, that’s not right either.
I got two white Russians but I also need some drinks.
Not that one either.
Maybach bumper sticker read “What would H.O.V.A. do?”
Bow in the presence of greatness.
Eh. Close enough.