The next closest thing to Charlie Sheen is Hugh Grant. I had no idea.

Producers for "Two and a Half Men" were in deep talks with Grant to replace Sheen on the show, until he bowed out at the 11th hour, citing those time-tested "creative differences," despite a rumored payday of $1 million per episode. Perhaps he was about to ink the contract when he asked offhand, "Do you mind if I see a script real quick?" After thumbing through the script, he then threw it on the conference and bellowed to the executives, "Awwww hellllllll no!" Or maybe he got his fill of working with awkward fat kids in About a Boy.

He then stormed out of the room, leaving Jon Cryer sitting outside, eagerly holding a cake that read "Welcome to CBS, Mr. Grant!!!"

Regardless of how it went down, Grant's exit from negotiations leaves CBS without a bankable A-list replacement before upfronts next week. They still haven't tapped other noted hooker patron Eddie Murphy. (I'm just trying to be helpful.)(Deadline)