Fat Chick, Dorks Dominate Early Emmys

Sunday, September 18 by
Suck it, Sofia Vergara! 

If the early winners are any indication, this year’s Emmy Awards will be dominated by fatties, nerds, and fuglys. In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a huge dork and my face looks like an orangutan’s ass. As such, I’m allowed to make fun of these people, kind of like Chris Rock can drop N-bombs.

Early winners include noted dork Jim Parsons (Actor in a Comedy Series/The Big Bang Theory), the always rotund Melissa McCarthy (Actress in a Comedy Series/Mike and Molly), and nerd extraordinaire Ty Burrell (supporting actor in a comedy series/Modern Family). In fact, the only attractive person to win thus far has been Julie Bowen (supporting actress in a comedy series/Modern Family), but she managed to beat out the ridiculously hot Sofia Vergara, who makes her look unattractive by comparison. If this keeps up, Steve Buscemi and Peter Dinklage are friggen shoe ins.