South Park is back for the second part of season 12 and it has reminded me of how much I love hating Eric Cartman. That little boy has done some truly messed up stuff and this is some of the worst. Or should I say best? Whatever.
9. Molesting Butters
Episode: "Cartman Sucks"
Sure, he’s too young to understand the possible psychological effects getting abused in your sleep can have on a person, but he still knows that it’s a dick thing to do. That doesn’t stop him from putting cat crap on his best friend’s face or sticking his wiener in his mouth. The kid is way above his pay grade when it comes to debauchery. You usually don’t graduate to homoerotic pranks like that until sophomore year of college.
8. Ridiculing and eventually getting into a fistfight with a little person
Episode: "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson"
Eric makes fun of people all the time, but it takes some real bullying to get a tolerance coach to want to throw down on you. Watching Eric fight a little person (I’m afraid to say midget) is even funnier than watching Jimmy fight Timmy.
7.Almost bringing about the fall of humanity with his dirty mouth
Movie: South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
Eric’s obscenity-laden outburst in Mr. Garrison’s class sets into action a series of events that nearly results in Satan and his minions taking over the world and damning the human race to an eternity of torture and excruciating pain. Yes, that’s still slightly better than giving Ben Affleck a hand job.
6. Giving Ben Affleck an HJ
Episode: "Fat Butt and Pancake Head"
Anything that gives pleasure to Ben Affleck is inherently evil. I’m just kidding, I don’t actually hate the guy, but knowing that his animate avatar got it on with Cartman’s hand is disturbing to say the least. That’s why I’ve gone ahead and embedded the clip above.
5. Pretending he has tourrettes so he can say whatever he wants
Episode: "Le Petit Tourette"
Most people get their fix of yelling inappropriate and obscene things on the internet, but Cartman wanted to do it in real life so he pretended to have Tourette’s. Anyone with the syndrome will tell you that it’s a pretty terrible condition to have and that it makes really tough at times. They will also tell you, "Shit! Asshole!"
4. Commiting a hate crime against Token
Episode: "Cartman’s Silly Hate Crime"
After a little altercation about who’s going to win a sled race, Cartman hauls off and smashes Token in the face with a rock. It’s not actually a hate crime since it had less to do with race and more to do with the fact that Cartman is an asshole, but hitting someone in the face with a rock is still a shitty thing to do.
3. Giving Kyle Aids
Episode: "Tonsil Trouble"
After accidentally being exposed to the HIV virus during a routine tonsillectomy, Cartman purposely infects Kyle so he’s not alone in his pain. Not only is it messed up, but it’s also illegal. Had Kyle gotten sick and died, he could’ve gotten a manslaughter or even murder charge. The situation also spawned a Jimmy Buffett concert. Yikes.
2. Making Scott Tenorman eat his own parents
Episode: "Scott Tenorman Must Die"
After feeding him a chili made from the meat of his own family, Cartman happily laps up Tenorman’s "tears of unfathomable sadness." As far as I’m concerned, this is still the most disturbing thing ever to fall out of Tre Parker’s wonderfully twisted brain.
1. Trying to become the next Hitler
Episode: "The Passion of the Jew" (Season 8)
Unless I’m writing about every show ever to appear on the History Channel, I don’t even like putting the word Hitler on the site for fear of what it will show up next to in Google. But, if we’re talking about messed up stuff, trying to reignite the ethnic cleansing of the Jewish people should, without a doubt, be at the top.