Elmo Resigns: Kevin Clash Is Out This Bitch

Tuesday, November 20 by
"Peace, bitches!" 

It looked like we were in the clear and the great name of a beloved piece of fabric could return to work with an untarnished reputation. But, nope.

Kevin Clash, the actor better-known as Elmo, took leave from Sesame Street after being accused of a sexual relationship with a teenager. Those accusations were recanted. Then that recanting was retracted. Alas, today a second man has now come forward alleging that he and Clash banged when he was fifteen-years old. When asked why he was now coming forward some fifteen years later, the accuser says he only just now realized he was upset by the relationship and would like $5 million. That’s enough for Sesame Workshop to release the following statement:

“Two. Two accusations of sex with a minor. Ah! Ah! Ah!”

They also said this:

“Sesame Workshop’s mission is to harness the educational power of media to help all children the world over reach their highest potential. Kevin Clash has helped us achieve that mission for 28 years, and none of us, especially Kevin, want anything to divert our attention from our focus on serving as a leading educational organization. Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding Kevin’s personal life has become a distraction that none of us want, and he has concluded that he can no longer be effective in his job and has resigned from Sesame Street. This is a sad day for Sesame Street.”

It is a sad day for Sesame Street. Even worse than that time those puppeteers suffocated inside of the Snuffleupagus costume. It’s also a sad day for Clash. Much like Lance Armstrong, his decision to step down paints him in a negative light that will likely tarnish his reputation forever. However, there is a bright side. History shows us that sex with teenagers isn’t that big of a deal. He always has a future on Broadway. (Gawker)

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