We're a TV site, but we don't really cover network news. There are just too many opportunities to skewer the constant flow of absurdity-- the unending waterfalls of crap would just distract us from the other duties of Screenjunkies. But I just could not resist this amazing front page story that showed up on CNN this morning:

Really? There's no good way to tell a kid they have cancer? I'd imagine there are some ways that are worse than others, such as:

- Billy, you have cancer, and it's because you masturbate too much.
- Billy, you have cancer and that's why mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.
- Billy, you have cancer. Also, there is no Santa Claus.
- Billy, isn't this roller coaster fun? Well enjoy it now because in three months you'll be so weak from 3 rounds of chemo you wont be able to lift an X-Box controller.  

As always CNN, thanks for the hard hitting news.

Now lets all watch this video. Wait till they spray the associate producer with cologne. Listen for his name.

Yes, that is a group of women sniffing a burger-scented Orifice. Couldn't they have picked someone with a different name? I guess Camera Man Bob Butthole was just not available.