Chelsea Handler, long thought to be a high-risk free agent in the world of network TV because she a) talked smack about her former employers at E!, and b) is completely insufferable, has found a home on Netflix. She will crank out a stand-up special later this year, four "docu-comedies" (whatever the shit that means) in 2015, then a talk show with an "updated format" format in 2016.

I think the fact that I had to use quotes around those terms above means no one has any idea what this really "means." Maybe the updated format is that it will take place in an arid 2016 dystopia, where global warming (IT'S REAL, PEOPLE) have made the planet inhospitable for all but the most wealthy individuals.

Chelsea said in a statement:
"If I was going to continue working in this industry, I knew I had to do something outside the box to keep myself interested," Handler says in a statement. "I wanted to sit with the cool kids at lunch so I approached Netflix to make sure they were as cool as I thought they were, and when I confirmed my suspicions, like with any other future lover, I made my move. I'm more excited than I've been in awhile, and the team at Netflix is the most forward thinking, alert group I've sat down with in ages. No offense to the Shahs of Sunset."

Oh, Chelsea! I think you DID mean offense to the Shahs of Sunset. But that's why we all love you!*



*No one loves Chelsea Handler.